Tenhawks SCAU-DC Stranger in a Strange Verse
by marius1117
Summary: It's sort of a sequel to Tenhawks Alexander Harris and the Shadow Council story. When a portal deposits Xander Harris in a new dimension, he has to rely on everything he learned at Hogwarts and in Sunnydale if he wants to ever hope to find his way home.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:

This story is Tenhawks, I own nothing. I managed to find a copy of this story on wayback machine of his personal website (fanfiction tenhawkpresents com), which is dead now, and decided to post it here, because I like it, and I don't want it to disappear. If Tenhawk doesn't like that I reposted his story, he should contact me and I will take it down. If anyone has a copy of this story that has more chapters, please contact me, I would like to read them.

Authors Notes:

SCAU stands for Shadow Council Alternate Universe. It is NOT a Canon future for SC but it does contain some spoilers for what is to come in that story. I keep these as low key as possible, mostly hinting at them, but if you are severely spoiler averse you may want to steer clear.

It's darker than the Prelude portion of Shadow Council, so don't expect children playing or a goofy atmosphere. Xander is older and has been a soldier in two wars, lost friends, and generally doesn't have much of his childhood left anyway.

That said, I don't write angst fics, so there will be humor and adventure. Just don't be surprised to see cursing, sexual conduct, and moral choices you may not agree with.

Story:

* * *

The portal opened up in the middle of nowhere, almost precisely the middle some might say, and just pulsed there for a moment before spitting out a single thing and vanishing whence it came. The item in question hit the sand below with a grunt and rolled to a painful stop several meters away. It lay motionless for a long moment, then groaned and rolled over to its back, revealing a young man entirely stripped of his clothing.

"Oh that sucked." Xander Harris groaned as he again rolled over and got to his knees. "Anyone get the plate numbers of the lorry that nailed me?"

There was no response, of course, since he was the only person as far as the eye could see. He straightened up and looked around, blinking a few times both in surprise and in response to the bright sunlight.

"Ookay." He muttered, "And I ain't in Kansas anymore."

He automatically reached for his hip, only for his fingers to close on nothing but air, then looked down and yelped.

"Bloody hell! Where are my freaking clothes?" He jumped, cupping his genitals for a moment as he danced around, looking to see if there was anyone watching. When he realized that he was, indeed, alone he was both relieved and worried. He checked himself carefully for a moment before realizing the full extent of the situation.

"No clothes, no wands…" He muttered, "Spell phone is gone, even my Carbon Tribals and my Tats are gone. What the fucking hell happened?"

The last thing he remembered was popping back to Sunnydale to give Buff a hand with an end of the world deal. An ex Goddess bitch named Glorificus, she was a crazy bint but her power level put her outside the Slayer's league, even if just barely.

"Oh shit!" Xander grumbled, "Those fucking portals."

He kicked the sand and sighed.

It just figured, really it did. All that insanity on the tower, he'd taken a dive to knock Dawn back onto the tower…

"Well crap, I must have missed my jump and got sucked into one of those damn portals." He sighed, looking around as his mind tried to completely work out the situation.

"Ok, it's a desert, but doesn't feel like the hellmouth. Let's hope that means it's not hell," He muttered, "Nothing in sight in any direction. Vegetation, though… Definitely not the Sahara. Looks like Nevada maybe."

He looked up at the sun, blinking as he recognized it as about noon hour.

"I'm going to fry like a slab of bacon out here if I don't do something," He muttered, "and without my wands I'm pretty much fucked."

He felt even more naked than naked, if that was possible. As a rule he didn't walk around with less than a half dozen wands on his person at all times, well wands and focus cores at least. Without a wand he was almost as helpless as an average human, to be honest. His wandless skills were limited to Legilimency and Apparition, along with some minor body magic, not counting the ritual magic he knew which didn't count just then since so very little of it could be done without a partner.

"Well this just sucks." He shook his head, noting the shadows as he looked around for some shade. "This is when I wish I were Harry. That power freak would just conjure some robes with cooling charms, then apparate blind right back home."

Unfortunately for Xander he couldn't apparate somewhere he couldn't see unless he knew where he was to begin with, at least to some general degree. He pushed his complaints aside, however, and started trekking for a stand of rocks in the distance. He needed shade, and in a hurry, before his skin looked like boiled lobster.

He tucked down into the shade of the rocks when he got to them, and closed his eyes. Two wars, years of running with Harry, Buffy, Lara, and every other chosen one on the planet it seemed, had taught him to sleep when he could while in the middle of the weird. He might not get another chance in the near future.

When the sun went down Xander woke up from his midday nap, only mildly toasted by the desert sun. He climbed up onto the rocky outcropping and watched as the night darkened, and a glow slowly appeared on the horizon.

"Cool. Now I have a direction to head."

* * *

Nighttime point to point apparition was tricky, but while his natural talents couldn't hope to match up with Harry's, Xander worked hard to ensure that his skills did. He hopped in twenty kilometer increments until he came to a stop perched on a sand hill that overlooked a neon sign that read 'Welcome to Las Vegas'.

"Vegas, huh?" Xander mused, "Haven't been to Vegas since that long weekend with Wednesday."

He glanced up at the sky, "No alien Starfighters in sight this time at least."

Then he glanced down at himself, frowning, "Of course I wasn't starkers last time either."

That kinda decided things, He needed to get some clothing before anything else. He found a trailer park just outside the city limits and snagged a pair of pants and a guns 'n roses tee shirt from the line out back. Normally he wouldn't steal, you know not from normal folks anyway, but he really needed the clothes.

Xander's next stop was Gringotts Vegas, except he couldn't find it.

"Now I know that entrance was around here somewhere." He mumbled to himself, tapping the wall with his knuckles.

Without his gear, Xander's ability to sense magic was pretty limited but unless he was completely twisted around… there wasn't any.

"But that's impossible." He frowned. There had to be magic, it was a Gringotts entrance. The place HAD to be loaded with all kinds of security charms, repelling wards, identification runes… If none of that was here…

Xander turned around, completely befuddled.

If none of that was here, then neither was Gringotts.

He frowned, shaking his head, and went to a payphone and got the operator after a few flicks of the handle. "Yes, operator, I'd like to put in a collect call to Gomez Addams at Zero Zero One Cemetery…"

"What is this some kind of joke? Harass someone else, buddy, I'm not in the mood." The woman on the other side growled, cutting the connection.

Xander stared at the phone for a moment, confused. ' What the hell was that about? '

He had no luck making calls to any of the other people he thought might be able to help, leaving him wandering barefoot through Vegas in an ever deteriorating mood. He made it to the strip, still grumbling about telephone bitches, when a news stand caught his eye and he came to an abrupt stop.

Xander's eyes were locked on a copy of a newspaper, not local, and he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Unbidden he reached out and picked it up, staring at the picture on the cover of a man flying through the air.

"Superman saves Metropolis…" He muttered, disbelieving. "Byline… LOIS LANE AND CLARK KENT!?"

"Hey buddy, this look like a lending library to you?" The man behind the counter growled, grabbing the paper back.

"But…"

"You buying, or you planning on reading for free?"

Xander held up his hands in surrender and wandered off, head spinning.

He kept coming back to the portals, and where they were supposed to go. Only there were several of them, he recalled, orbiting the single main one. That had to be the key, though Xander wasn't sure he had any chance of figuring out how.

Impetuously he grabbed someone as he passed them on the street, scaring the crap out of them.

"Superman!" He growled in the man's face.

"W-what!? You got the wrong guy, pal!" The man blurted, shocked as Xander slammed him into the wall. "You're delusional man! I'm not superman!"

Xander ignored him, instead focusing on the surface thoughts the man ran through in those few seconds. He saw images of Superman on the TV, stories of his actions, but none of it came from a fictional source in the man's mind. This man believed Superman was real.

Xander let him go, stumbling away in shock. He pushed his way through the people around him, moving without direction. He kept moving until he was well away, then came to a halt, leaning against a wall.

It was impossible.

It HAD to be impossible.

He could accept dimensional travel, he was a Wizard after all, but this was too much.

A world with Superman? Did that mean Batman too? The rest? Was he in the DC universe? Could that actually be possible?

Xander knew from his own work that the universe had at least nine dimensions. The three physical ones, three temporal ones, and three celestial ones. Pure math indicated that there were at least two more, though Xander wasn't sure if that was because the dimensions existed or the mathematicians were working from faulty variables.

Still, even with only the first six dimensions there was plenty of room for all kinds of alternate realities. You could move side to side in time, see different worlds where the timeline was altered based on choices made. One world where you turned right, one where you turned left.

There was a limit, however. You couldn't shift right or left far enough to make the impossible possible. Even in infinity, if it wasn't possible, it just didn't happen.

Impossible. Like solar powered aliens flying around, or any of a million other examples from the DC comics. There were limits, laws of nature, that couldn't be broken.

They could be diverted, however, or entirely evaded in theory.

Move up or down in time, and you changed energy levels. And as any scientist, or serious magical researcher, could tell you… at high enough energy levels, the impossible just sort of faded away.

The thing is, Xander had never heard of anyone or anything that could do that. Changing energy states should have been fatal, his mind and body weren't designed to exist on any other level than the one he had been born into. Oh sure, a state change here or there was survivable, at least in theory. But all the way to the DC Universe?

The ambient energy alone in this place should have killed him a thousand times over by now.

Which was all a real fancy way of saying, he was lost and didn't have a damn clue of how to get home.

Xander Harris sighed. His life just kept getting weirder and weirder since Hogwarts.

He glanced up, eyes widening slightly as he read the marquis.

Zatanna Zatara Live in Person, Tonight Only.

* * *

' Well what the hell, when in Rome, right? ' He forced a wry grin and made his way into the Casino.

Zatanna Zatara loved her act, show business was in her blood and she didn't want it any other way. The rush she got while in front of a crowd was unmatched, even by the occasional side adventure with the Justice League.

' Although the Batman does bring a certain thrill to the one on one. ' She thought with a grin as she cheerfully played to the crowd.

She loved the feel of attention on her, her talents allowed her to bask in the emotional outpouring of her audience. The awe and pleasure broke over her like a wave, giving her a rush and a high unlike anything she had ever experienced before.

This time, however, there was a different emotion in the crowd.

It wasn't the first time that had happened, her connections with the Justice League was a loosely kept secret at best, and she had been tied to the Batman in the past, so she did attract her share of bad attention. So when the unusually focused blast of darker emotion hit her she didn't flinch, but instead went on with her act as she began to backtrack the source to determine if it was a threat.

The emotional energy was unusually powerful, it normally took an entire crowd for her to feel a surge remotely as powerful. That spoke of a metahuman to her, which made her a little nervous. She wasn't a hero, she just helped a few once in a while, and a flat our brawl in the middle of her act would totally ruin her reputation for months.

No Casino owner wanted an unscheduled fight in their casino. If there was going to be a fight, they wanted enough forewarning to properly market it.

With that wry and admittedly cynical thought in mind, Zatanna continued her act on autopilot as she focused more solidly on the source. The emotions were chaotic, but didn't seem dark. They felt more… confused.

She found the source about then and turned her act in that direction, smiling to the crowd as she made a dove appear from nowhere and bantered blandly. It was a young man, she noted, dressed in baggy sweat pants and a tee shirt, and bare foot of all things.

' How on earth did he get in dressed like that? ' She wondered as her eyes met his.

Instantly the emotional flash stopped, and she saw his eyes widen as he back away from her.

' He's not a meta. He's a mage. ' She blinked, throwing her act out as she chased after him. He was running, however, and she lost sight of him for a moment as he left the auditorium, then she heard a crack of a gunshot. When she emerged, there was no sign of him.

"Damn it Zatara! You're not being paid to run out on a show!"

Zatanna glared at the stage manager, eyes scouting around the casino again, but not finding any sign of her mystery guest she shoved the man aside and walked back into the auditorium and smiled brightly at the crowd.

"Sorry, everyone. I guess magic just spooks some people."

* * *

Xander thought to himself from his perch on the rooftop of the Casino he had just left in a hurry. ' Or that she would look really frighteningly like Drusilla? '

Getting into the show had been easy, the usher was bored out of his skull and couldn't care less who went in. It made nudging his mind easy, as it always was when you were trying to make a person do something they either wanted to do or didn't care either way about.

The show itself had been mildly entertaining, though Zatara hadn't been using magic for the most part. Just very impressive sleight of hand and plenty of stage acumen. For a moment there Xander had begun to relax, thinking that maybe he was in luck. The sheer geeky thrill of seeing ZATANNA ZATARA in person was pretty awesome, though. Part of him had this almost undeniable urge to jump up and down and clap wildly, thankfully that part of him was much smaller than it used to be… that and it lived in eternal fear of Wednesday Addams.

He'd been shocked, though, when his eyes met Zatannas and he could pick up on her surface thoughts, recognizing the feedback ping of another passive Legilimens instantly. Hers felt crude, though, untrained. She was a natural, but probably never had any teachers that could bring it out.

She probably considered it a mage sense, or perhaps empathy, he figured. Those were the most often used explanations for extremely strong instances of natural Legilimency. If it were weaker it would be the more nebulous 'second sight', but he was fairly certain her natural gifts where quite strong.

The fact that Zatanna was here, fishnets and all, however was a striking point about the dimension he found himself in.

' DC Megaverse, ' he thought. ' But which variation? '

That could be very important. If he was lucky it was similar to the Smallville iteration of the verse, just barely special enough to be considered 'super' and not all that different from his own world. Working out how to get back home without killing himself could be possible there.

If it was a full blown comic book dimension he was in trouble.

Xander sighed. ' Have to see if the Justice League exists. If they're actually in an orbital watchtower, I'm so screwed. '

* * *

Xander let his head thud into the wooden desk of the public library, where he had found articles on the orbiting watchtower, including a press tour and info packet.

It was plain to see that the verse he was in was NOT some washed out TV version like Smallville. He was dealing with a full blown superhuman Megaverse, and there was just no way in hell he was going to be able to shift back to his own anytime soon.

The energy state change would kill him.

Honestly, Xander wasn't certain why he wasn't dead from the first shift.

Over the years he'd spent a lot of time researching one oddball idea or another, and had learned a lot. He'd also spent a lot of time talking and just plain shooting the moon with some of the most creative and intelligent people he knew. Moving backwards and forwards in time was tough, but doable. He could probably rig up a time turner if he absolutely needed one, provided he could find the materials. Sideways in time? Easier, actually. With his gear, he could open a portal or two.

But not up and down through different energy states.

Not even with all his gear and resources from back home, and sure as hell not with a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt to his name. Stolen sweat pants and tee on top of it all.

He still couldn't believe his Carbon Tribals and Tats were gone! Those were practically part of his body! He hadn't even known they COULD be removed, not without the counterspell and medium container at least. Whatever force transported him through the energy states had literally stripped him of all foreign items and magic, which was some impressively precise magic, he thought as he looked at the back of his left hand.

' Not even any scarring from removing the tattoo. ' He thought sourly. It had taken him YEARS to figure out that damned Tat, and now he couldn't even remake it because he didn't have any of his STUFF.

His stomach growled.

Xander looked down, closing his eyes.

Great. Just freaking great.

Trust his gut to bring up the more immediate concern. As much as Xander hated to admit it, despite some schooling in non-magical areas, without his wands he was woefully unequipped to… you know, do anything. And without his bank accounts, putting food in his face was going to be a challenge.

' I could always blackmail Batman, ' He thought with a grin.

The librarian glared over at him, shushing loudly as Xander started to laugh.

"Sorry, sorry," He said, getting up. "Just had a suicidal impulse there. Thanks ma'am. I'll be heading out."

Joking aside, food was an issue, as was money in general. Without a wand his magic was really limited, and he didn't even know if there was any suitable core material on the planet, let alone how to find it if it was there. He wasn't a good match with his own hair, unfortunately, and since human cores tended to work best with a strong emotional link between donator and recipient he wasn't likely to find any that matched even if he could grab some hair from local magical types.

The idea of tiptoeing up behind Zatanna with a pair of clippers was funny as hell though.

' I wonder what Krytonian hair would do to a wand? ' Xander idly thought, curious as to which version of Supergirl, woman, or whatever was flying around this world. ' Probably be great for killing vampires now that I think of it. '

He put the thought aside for the moment, and focused on a more immediate concern.

* * *

Zatanna locked herself in her dressing room after the act, mind still on the mystery man who'd invaded her little sanctum away from home. She hated it when people messed with her act, it felt less personal the time some jerk had burglarized her house.

There hadn't been a peep from him since, though, so she was trying to figure out what he wanted. His emotions had been terribly jumbled up, confused and chaotic, like he had something really big on his mind that wouldn't let him think straight.

From experience she knew that a chaotic mind and a magical presence as naturally powerful as the one she had sensed was a recipe for trouble.

' He didn't seem so bad, though, ' She mused, thinking about his clothing and lack of footwear. ' Maybe a kid down on his luck? Doesn't even know what he is capable of? '

That happened a lot, she knew. Lots of young metas were in that boat, but it was a little less common with magical types. The community was small enough that most people knew blood when they saw it, and tended to watch out for their own.

That thought made up her mind, and she drew out her stage wand.

"Wohs em ot eht egam ni eht sesor n snug trihs."

The wand spun in her palm for a moment, then settled on a direction and pointed the way. She smiled slyly, surprised that had worked. Any basic protections would have shielded him from such a vague spell, which would seem to indicate that her thoughts on his origin just might be correct.

Certainly, if he had been any half trained mage intent on causing her harm he would be shielded a great deal more effectively than that.

She flipped on her top hat and left the room, heading for the street.

* * *

' It's a long way from home, ' Xander sighed, accepting the bowl of soup from the man behind the counter.

The soup kitchen wasn't much, but it seemed to keep people fed and Xander was hungry and not nearly desperate enough to resort to crime in a world of superheroes. He couldn't remember if there were any Vegas super types, but with his luck it would be a gritty nineties Batman rip-off who actually killed his targets.

No, he'd swallow his pride and the thin soup that he had been given, and would try and return the favor when he got his feet back under him again.

He was almost finished when a black man came over and smiled at him, "Hungry, son?"

"It's been a long twenty four hours." Xander said with a wry grin in return.

"You look it, if you don't mind my saying so. Are you ok?"

"I will be, I'm tough." Xander replied.

"I'm sure you are, but you don't have to be tough on your own." The man said, nodding to his feet. "What happened to your shoes?"

"I just lost everything I own," Xander said honestly, "had to borrow the shirt and pants, like I said it's been a long twenty four."

The man nodded, "I'm Sam."

"Xander."

"Well Xander, I think we probably have a pair of shoes in the back that'll fit, if you like?"

Xander eyed the man for a moment, but nodded as he felt no sign of dark thoughts. The guy just wanted to help.

"Thanks."

"It's no problem, I've been down a time or two. Just return the favor to someone else sometime."

"You've got it, Sam."

* * *

A soup kitchen.

Zatanna wasn't surprised, not given the neighborhood she found herself walking through. It seemed that her thoughts on the guy were fairly accurate, if he was in there. She was about to enter when a group of raggedy looking oafs broke from the shadows of the building and moved to form a semi-circle around her.

' Oh lord, just what I need. ' She groaned, rolling her eyes. "Gentlemen, I don't have time for this, and you don't have the stamina to keep up with me."

"I don't know, lady… I'm pretty fit," One man said with a leer, "And my buddies here work out lots too. I bet we could make you sweat real good."

"Ok, first… yuck, not in your wildest fantasies. And two," Zatanna lifted her hands, only to be grabbed from behind. "Hey! Let me go!"

She twisted loose, kicking the man in the shins.

"Aw, don't be like that. He just wanted a hug. How about you give us all hugs?" The leader leered at her.

' This is what I get for wearing fishnets to this part of town, ' She sighed in annoyance. With her luck this would end up on the news, and that would just be a circus.

"Hey, leave the lady alone fellows."

They all half turned to the new voice and one of the men growled, "Butt out Sam, this is none of your concern."

"Maybe not," Another voice replied, "but I'm making it mine."

Zatanna found herself staring at the man she'd been tracking, and was rather surprised to find that he was glaring furiously at the group of men that had accosted her. She was touched. Amused, of course, but touched.

' Guess he wasn't there to mess with my show. Oops, my bad. ' She thought wryly.

* * *

The leader of the gang of idiots glared at Xander, "You really think you can stop us?"

Xander rolled his eyes, "Stop you? Why would I bother? Have you really looked at who you're accosting?"

The man snorted, "Just some streetwalker."

A muffled shriek of fury caused Xander to pinch his nose. "Buddy, a word of advice… late though it may be… Meddle not in the affairs of Wizards, for we are sadists and quick to anger."

"Wha?"

"That's Zatanna Zatara behind you, dude, and she's getting ready to turn you into a toad for that last crack." Xander said, rolling his eyes, "Honestly are people around here really so stupid as to piss off an Ally of the Justice League?"

The men paled at the last two words, slowly turning back to the red faced woman who was glaring at their leader. As one they all backed slowly away from him. For his part, he was staring at the woman he'd insulted, his mind recognizing the position he was in and realizing that he wasn't getting out of it easily.

When she took an angry step toward him, he knew he had to act or he really WOULD be turned into a toad or worse, and he charged at her first.

There was a sudden crack, like a gunshot, and he felt nothing but pain erupt across his face. He hit the ground, thinking he'd been shot, and then everything went black.

Xander stood over the unconscious body, idly rubbing the back of his elbow where he'd slammed it into the man's nose. He half turned, glancing at the rest. "Boo."

They bolted, running in all directions as Xander rolled his eyes and turned back to Zatanna. "You still want to turn him into a toad?"

"I'll restrain my impulses." She replied dryly, glaring down at the man before glancing back at him. "Teleportation?"

"Apparition." Xander replied, shrugging. "I have some talents."

"I can see that."

"You… you're a meta?" Sam stuttered from behind them.

Xander turned around, smiling at the man who'd helped him. "No, not exactly. At least not technically. I'm a Wizard, magic use and all that."

"But… why did you come here?"

"I told you, I recently lost everything I owned. It's been a rough twenty four." Xander shrugged.

"But… you just teleported! You could get whatever you need… I mean…"

"I'm not that desperate, well not since I stole these clothes anyway." Xander replied with a wry grin.

The two people listening to him stared at him blankly.

"Hey, I told you. I lost EVERYTHING I owned. Everything. When I got to town, I swiped a tee-shirt and a pair of sweatpants." Xander replied, "Honestly I would rather be arrested for theft than indecent exposure. That would just be embarrassing."

Zatanna snickered and Sam snorted.

"I can see that." The black man said with a half-smile.

"I'm not exactly morally opposed to stealing, if it's from the right people," Xander shrugged, "but I'm not going rob honest blokes either. Still have a little bit too much pride for that, thank you."

"What happened to you anyway?" Zatanna asked, "When I sensed you in the Casino I thought perhaps you were there for me."

Xander shrugged, "Run in with a God from a dark pantheon. Got my arse kicked."

She snorted, "No kidding. What are you stupid?"

"Probably." Xander sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Anyway, sorry to spook you and all. I was just wandering around."

She nodded, glancing up at the soup kitchen. "Anyone who could even THINK of taking on a Dark God should be able to manage more than this, you realize."

"First, I didn't take her on." Xander corrected, "I just got caught in the crossfire. Second, remember that bit about losing *everything*? I don't have my spell focus, my augments, my armor, my blades… NOTHING. Right now I'm not much more dangerous than one of those Metas Sam over here is worried about."

"Seems plenty dangerous to me." Sam muttered, eyeing the two.

Xander snorted. "Right."

Zatanna raised an elegant eyebrow, but nodded in understanding. Without a focus many magic users were effectively crippled, it was one reason she had spent years training herself to use backwards incantations instead of a physical focus. It forced her to be completely intent on her spell, everything she had forced into a laser like beam.

She also understood his second comment. Most Metahumans were minor enhancements of normal human physiology, and barely qualified as 'enhanced' to a trained magic user. The versatility of magic was such that even moderately powerful magic users were very, very dangerous.

Luckily there were very few of them, and most of the really powerful ones preferred lives of solitude. Once you reached a certain level, you didn't really need or want anything you couldn't get with magic. Zatanna herself had little need for most physical things, she did her act because she loved it and in memory of her father. Most of the comforts of life were easy enough to come by magically.

"I see. Can I help you get home, perhaps?" She offered.

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "I wish, lady. No, I'm afraid I'm stuck for the time being."

"Why?" She asked, confused.

He debated what to say, then shrugged, "I'm from a lower energy state dimension."

Zatanna blinked.

She blinked again.

That wasn't POSSIBLE.

When she opened her mouth to object, however, he beat her to it and held up a hand.

"I know, I know. I can't figure out why I'm alive either." He said, shrugging, "God thing maybe. But if you recognize the term, then you know my predicament."

She nodded dumbly.

Dimensional travel was tricky, but doable. The thing was, you generally had to stay within the same energy state as the dimension you originated from. Popping to a different energy state resulted in something comparable to the Bends, a diving condition that resulted from changing pressure depths too quickly. Nitrogen bubbles in the bloodstream caused intense agony and death unless you underwent decompression.

There was no theoretical method of decompression for changing energy states, however. It was considered uniformly fatal, particularly for those moving UP to higher states. There were some cases of beings that could travel down, however. Superman lived in constant terror of one, a Mr. Mxlptnik or something to that effect as she recalled. The man of steel's moans about dealing with that higher dimensional being were legend in the superhero community.

That said, even he could only come down on very strict schedules and had all sort of limitations on his stay.

So, basically…

"You're screwed." She said aloud, then winced.

"Yeah, I know." He replied glumly.

She sighed, "You know, it's not much, but if you like I could introduce you to some of the community."

Xander nodded slowly, "Yeah. Thanks."

"Come on, then." She smiled, "Follow me."

"Sure," Xander paused, then glanced back. "Hey Sam, thanks for the help man."

"Uh… sure… no problem." The man who ran the soup kitchen said, looking completely confused as they walked away. "Any time…"

"So..." Xander said as he walked alongside the magician, "Just out of curiosity… What were you thinking when you walked into this neighborhood dressed like that?"

Zatanna spared him a glare, "Shut it."

"Fair enough, sounds like excellent reasoning to me."

"I said shut it."

* * *

The local mystical community was something of a disappointment, Xander quickly found. He'd been expecting Diagon Alley, and instead got an old Manor House.

"This is it?"

"What were you expecting?" Zatanna asked.

"Something more than an old man and his butler."

"Please, don't piss off Kazma." She hissed. "He's more than he appears."

"I'm sure, but what I meant was numbers. Isn't there a town, or a neighborhood, or something?"

Zatanna looked at her guest, confused. "The mystical population isn't remotely that numerous."

He sighed, "It figures."

"It is where you come from?" The aforementioned Kazma interjected.

"Yeah, my world has a fairly strong magical presence."

"Unusual, for a lower state universe, is it not?"

Xander shrugged, "Maybe. I never looked into it. That said, the magical population is less than a percent of the planet… and there are no other super types."

"Ah…"

"So I'm guessing that there aren't any magical shopping districts?" Xander asked, hoping against hope.

The look they gave him answered that question.

"Great." He sighed, "Wandmakers?"

Zatanna shook her head, "Magical Foci are extremely rare."

"Of course they are. How about magical creatures? Say unicorns maybe?"

They shook their heads.

"Well crap." He muttered, shaking his own. "This just keeps getting better and better."

He slumped into the seat he'd been offered and brooded for a time.

"What are you going to do?" Zatanna asked finally.

"I wish I knew. I'm not exactly qualified for much," he sighed, then smirked, "And without my gear I can't even put on tights and prance around saving the world."

She smirked back at him, "Oh, too bad. You'd look SOO good in tights, too."

He laughed, but shook his head. "I'm a pretty good fighter, actually, but to be honest I burned out my super hero dreams a long time ago."

"So, are you qualified to do anything?" She asked hesitantly.

Xander shrugged, "Non-magically? Not really. Magically? I'm a wand crafter… but without core components, that's pretty much out. A spell crafter, but without a wand I can't cast any… and something of an inventor, but again… no wand, so I can't exactly charge any runes. I've got a ton of magic theory crammed in my skull, and I literally can't use any of it."

She winced, she'd hate to be in that position herself.

"I wish I could help but…"

"Yeah, I know." Xander shrugged, getting up. "I'll get by. Look, it's been fun and all but I've got… well, nothing really, but I want to be alone."

Zatanna and Kazma nodded in understanding as he turned and left.

"An interesting young man." The old man said.

"Strange though." Zatanna replied, "Did you sense he was lying?"

"No."

"Me neither."

"But?"

"But, he can teleport without incantation, and his mind magic is the strongest I've seen." She said, confused, "So why can't he cast without a focus?"

* * *

Xander was staring up at the night sky when Zatanna caught up to him again, stepping into place beside him.

"Messed up day then."

"You could say that."

"I know I've asked, but do you have any plans?"

Xander shook his head, "no."

"Look, it's not much, but here's a couple hundred bucks. It's what I have on me," She said, extending some money his way.

He hesitated, but after a moment accepted it, swallowing his pride. "Thanks."

"No problem, here take my card too." She said, passing him the piece of cardboard.

He took it, nodding. "Thanks again."

"Wish I could do more," She said, "I could call some folks if you like, there's some people I know who might have an idea on how to get you home."

"You know that's not true." Xander said with a smile, shaking his head. "Unless you've got a God on your speed dial, and even then it's not likely."

She knew he was right, but she didn't like to admit it.

"Call me anyway," She said, "I'll check around."

Xander nodded, "thanks."

He knew she was trying to help, even had a good idea who she was thinking of calling. The Bat, for one, but Dr. Fate would be the most likely. Unfortunately, while he was no Doc Fate, he was almost certain of what she would be told.

There was centuries of research on dimensional travel in the Magical World back home, with a large chunk of it dedicated to precisely the situation he was in. There were TONS of reasons to want to move up and down energy states, unlike simply shifting side to side, yet no one had managed it. If the likes of Merlin, Flamel, La Fay, even Voldemort himself, and the other geniuses of his world were unable to discover a method Xander doubted anyone here had either.

Particularly since they had less reason to, as a general rule. This universe was almost certainly rife with most of the sources of power those types were all looking for, for the majority of even those geniuses there was no reason to go looking upstream, and a lot of reasons not to.

No, he wasn't holding out hope of a quick fix.

He'd have to look for a way home himself, probably, but before he could do that he was going to have to figure out a way to get back on his feet so he could afford materials.

That, unfortunately, was going to be easier said than done.

* * *

He left Zatanna that night and didn't look back, her card remained in his pocket but he didn't fish it out in the days that followed.

He needed time to think, to try and work out what the hell to do.

The easy thing would be to walk into the Daily Planet, Wayne Manor, or some other secret place and just ask for help. The problem with that scenario was that Xander really didn't want to even BE on the radar of these people. Even the Bat himself couldn't keep a fricken secret, and if Xander's knowledge of this world slipped out…

He shuddered.

That just couldn't happen, and not for the sake of the world either. Xander was thinking of his own hide. It was a serious no win situation for him. If he didn't talk, any number of bad guys would make it their business to 'convince' him. If he did talk, he'd shoot right up there with Luthor as Super enemy number one. And Xander had no illusions about what happened to no name characters who knew too much.

Oh, the heroes wouldn't get him, but something would.

No, even HINTING that he knew more than just generalities about the world was a disaster waiting to happen. It would be a red shirt bonanza, with him wearing the freaking red shirt.

So, instead, he took a job under the table working bouncer duty at a crummy nightclub. The pay sucked, but he got to bunk above the club and eat at the admittedly scuzzy buffet. Finding the job wasn't tough, not with a little eye contact to find out what employers wanted, and a little push to make them think of him as being the one to fill the void.

It kept him fed and sheltered while he tried to locate components to make a wand.

Unfortunately he wasn't really compatible with his own hair, and human hair was a weak transformer of magical energy anyway. He had only matched fairly well with people he was close to, and there just wasn't anyone around to fit that picture anymore. He got some blank materials from a local fabricator, but couldn't find anything to fill the damn things with.

By the end of the week, Xander was so desperate he was starting to consider jewel theft as a possible option. The only problem was, he didn't know the first thing about gemstone foci.

He also wasn't ready to go the supervillain route just then either, so that was out for the moment.

It was that weekend he got into a brawl at his job, wading into a mini riot to clear the floor of the club, and caught the eye of one of the club's 'patrons'. The guy was as sleazy as they got, but he offered Xander serious money, cash, for something he was good at.

Fighting.

It started simple, just some nights he got a call on a disposable cell phone and told when and where. He'd show up, fight, win, and get paid. None of the local low lives were a match for him, not after two wars and countless hours training. Xander didn't kid himself, he was no Batman, but he was probably as close as his home universe ever got. He was among a very select few Wizards to train to the physical extremes he pushed, with only Harry really in the same league physically out of his generation. He knew some Squibs in the same range or better, but not many, and no one else came close.

You needed an internal magic core to really max out your training the way Xander had, so non magical people didn't stand a chance. Squibs could do it, and a lot did, so they were where Xander got most of his advanced training. Harry was close, but he had focused mostly on evasion, preferring to do his fighting with a wand while Xander honestly didn't care how the other guy went down as long as he did go down.

That Halloween night had left an impression as well, so Xander knew he could say without delusions that he was in highest class of physical development his world had. One of his trainers had offered to sponsor him for a spot on the American Olympic Teams, but he'd been too focused on revenge at the time to care.

So he didn't even need his Legilimency most of the time, and when he was moved up to steel cage matches it got even easier. Not too many people were expecting to deal with a guy who would run up the side of the cage and catapult off right in their faces.

Parkour, combined with LINES combat techniques made for broken bones and unconscious opponents.

Most of the time.

In his second month of fighting Xander had been matched up with one of the 'regional' champs, some guy from a little ways North who'd never lost a bout. Things had started off predictably, mostly just testing each other out as they warmed up.

The guy was good, no doubt. About six foot two, two hundred and sixty pounds easy. Wasn't all muscle, but the guy wasn't a blob either, and he took a punch like a slab of beef. Xander, at twenty years old nearly matched his opponents size and weight, so the start of the fight was pretty evenly matched as they tested each other's defenses.

The guy jabbed, and Xander went under it, coming up with a rising punch that dug into his opponent's sternum. The guys doubled over, but recovered fast, throwing a haymaker that actually whistled through the air. Xander threw up his shoulder, catching the blow there, and was tossed to one side.

The man was on him in a flash, surprising Xander such that a punch got through his cover and rang his bell pretty well. At that point Xander stopped dancing with the guy, since he'd bet money on himself to win he didn't intend to lose.

He went under the next punch, coming up with a reverse combo that pushed the guy back a step, then locked eyes briefly. He went over the kick the shins he saw coming in the man's mind's eye, then under the jab, and sent a straight jab of his own into the man's nose. The bone crunched under his knuckles and the man's eyes widened in shock, causing Xander to link in again.

He saw memories flash of the last time someone broke the guy's nose. His own daughter, standing over the bloodied mess that was her mother, holding a cast iron frying pan. Xander felt the fury rise in the man as he ripped the pan from her hand and belted the girl to the ground. While she was on the ground the guy had decided that if she wanted to stand up to him like a grown up, she could entertain him as one as well.

Those images, and more from the next few hours of the man's life flashed across the man's mind and into Xander's, ending with an image of the daughter, locked in her room, waiting for the man to come home after the fight.

Xander exploded, gliding in through the man's defense like it was nothing but air, and he delivered three hammer blows that blew the wind from the man. As he bent over, Xander had a brief moment of consideration, then he simple grabbed the man's head in both hands and twisted his whole body.

The crack was audible above the roar of the crowd, but Xander ignored both. He simply let the man drop, his back turned on the body as it hit the ground. There was quiet for a moment, and then the roar rocked the old warehouse. Most of them just thought the fight was over by KO, but Xander could feel the emotions of those who recognized the end for what it was as well.

He didn't care.

In five years of fighting, Xander had developed intolerance for evil that had been known to give Wednesday chills. He walked away as the door of the cage opened, taking a towel to wipe himself down as he accepted his money and kept walking.

He was leaning on the wall outside, twenty minutes later when the fight organizer caught up with him.

"Kid, beautiful fight. Too bad about the poor schmuck, though."

"Yeah. Tragic." Xander replied, "What are you going to do with the body?"

"Leave it in a bad part of town, it'll look like a robbery."

Xander nodded.

"Anyway, look kid, you're too good for these bums." The organizer said, "If you want, you could make some real money back east."

"How much?"

"Twenty, thirty grand a fight if you win. More if you bet on yourself like you've been doing." He was told, "One thing, though… won't be easy, kid. These guys are all extra tough, lots of freaks in the bunch too. It's called Metabrawl."

Xander nodded, "Fine. Set it up."

"You got it kid, I'll call you with the details."

Xander just pushed off the wall and started walking.

* * *

The woman almost screamed when she turned around and the figure was standing there in the shadows.

"I… I don't have any money… and my husband will be back soon…" She said, backing away in terror.

"No. He won't." The shadow said, tossing something at her.

She caught it on reflex and stared in shock at the wad of cash she was holding.

"There's about twelve grand there. He's not coming back," The shadow said, "Get help for yourself and your daughter. She deserves better than what she got."

She stared as the shadow turned and walked away.

"W… wait! What do you mean, he's not coming back?"

The shadow turned back, "What do you think I mean?"

"Thank God."

The woman and the shadow turned to see a young girl on the stairs, looking down on them.

"Silvia! Get back in your room!"

"I won't! He's gone, right? I don't have to do anything he says anymore." The girl snapped, looking to the shadow. "He really is gone, right?"

"Yeah."

"Thank God." The teen said again with feeling as her mother started crying.

The shadowy figure just left then, not wanting to be around that house any longer than he had to. Outside, avoiding the streetlamps, Xander Harris shoved his hands in his pocket and walked away.

* * *

He got a call a couple days later, and bought a bus ticket the same hour.

Next port of call, Bludhaven.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

Gotham City.  
Two Months Later.

Zatanna leaned back as she watched the fire crackling in her fireplace, a glass of chardonnay rolling idly in her hand. She frowned, then looked up, "Don't you ever knock?"

"I need help." The Dark shadowed figure said as he stepped forward. The Batman appeared in the flickering light of the fire.

She raised her eyebrow, "Was Doctor Fate unavailable?"

He was silent for a long moment, then ground out. "Yes."

"Be still my beating heart." She muttered, sitting up and waving her lights back on. "What is it?"

"I have a situation, I believe it's supernatural in origin."

"Show me what you have." She said as he produced the files and handed them over. It only took a few minutes for her to recognize the situation, "You're right. You have a problem."

"What is it?"

"Demon in origin for sure, beyond that I can't be certain." She confessed. "This isn't my area. Talk to Blood."

"Unavailable."

Zatanna smirked at him, "You do know you're not exactly being flattering here, right?"

"I don't have time for flattery."

She sighed, "no. I suppose not. I may know someone."

"Go on."

"He's in Bludhaven. I met him a couple months ago, we've talked a few times since… He knows his stuff," She said, "But you're not going to like it."

"I don't have to like it, I have to get this information."

She nodded, remembering the young mage she had met months earlier in Vegas. "I hope he forgives me for sending you in his direction."

She rolled her eyes when the Batman gave her a sour look, "Face it, Bruce, you're not exactly mister congeniality."

* * *

Bludhaven

"You have to do better than that, old man." Xander Harris grinned as he ducked under the fast right jab, and twisted to avoid the powerful left that followed it. "Boxing is a show sport, it's not real fighting."

"Bah!" The man called Wildcat snarled as he jumped over a low kick, then caught a high return kick on his forearms. "You call what you do fighting? You went and watered down decent Marine Corps fighting with that French pansy bullshit! Hold still you little shit, and I'll show you a show sport!"

Xander evaded, holding still was NOT on the planner for this fight. His jokes and taunts aside, he did NOT want to get hit by one of those punches. Boxers trained their entire lives to do one thing really well, and that was to deliver a punch. With base wraps on his knuckles, Xander knew that Wildcat could easily knock him cold with one blow if he screwed up, and he had too much money riding on this match to let it end like that.

"Come on kid! You're better than this, where's that tele-whatsit thing you do, huh?" The burly old man taunted him right back as he closed in.

Almost anyone else and Xander would feel guilty for beating on a man several times his age, but for a senior citizen the Wildcat was in great shape. Over the average time a fight lasted, Xander expected that the old man was in better shape than he was… in the upper body anyway. He'd start to slow down soon, though, if the fight went on.

Xander evaded a combo of punches, running up the side of the cage they were fighting in, and kicked off. He flipped over the Wildcat's head and landed on the balls of his feet in behind the man.

"Not sporting, using that against you old man," Xander grinned as he dove in and tagged Wildcat on the chin as the man turned. He swayed back to avoid the countering blow, then entangled the arm and dragged the man to the ground, flipping him over to his back as he twisted.

Wildcat rolled with it, but Xander was expecting that and reversed the hold, pinning the old man to the floor. "Give it up, old timer, you're out."

"Not on your life, kid." Wildcat growled, pushing up hard, throwing Xander off balance despite the tearing pain in his arm.

Xander was thrown to the mat hard as Wildcat jumped to his feet and charged in, his left arm hanging at his side. He led with his right, however, and caught Xander hard in the jaw with enough force to send the younger man to the mat. Xander rolled as Wildcat stomped at him. He got clear and to his feet, only to be hammered again as the old man refused to give him any breathing room.

Xander winced as he felt a tooth loosen from the blow, then barely managed to see Wildcat's next blow coming in time to blow all the air from his lungs as the fist hammered into his sternum. With no air to have blown out, Xander was able to draw a breath quickly and jump up. He planted one foot on Wildcat's knee, then another on his arm, and finally planted a final step on the man's head before vaulting clear in a jump that brought him to a diving roll on the other side of the ring.

He came to his feet in a smooth motion, twisting around just in time to see another fist coming at his face. Xander ducked his head, taking it on his forehead. He heard bones crackle in Wildcat's fist and arm, but his own bell was rung hard and he staggered back.

He needed to get clear, otherwise he was going to get his arse kicked, so Xander twisted under another heavy right, then sprinted up the side of the cage and kicked off hard. He flew up, snagged the top of the cage, twenty feet up, and swung his feet around to hook them on the side cage, then looked down where Wildcat was glaring up at him from the mat.

"Get your ass down here and prepared to have it kicked you little punk!" He yelled, shaking his fist.

Xander cleared his head with a shake or two and considered his options for a moment before moving. Down to one arm, in his freaking golden years, and the old man was still kicking his arse. Xander sighed, "Alright, fine, Old Man. You want my A Game, you got it."

He let go of the cage, kicking off at the same time and twisted in the air to dive at the man below. Xander locked eyes momentarily in midair, then cracked out of existence. One uncomfortable trip through the drinking straw later he reappeared behind Wildcat, hammering and elbow at the back of his head.

"You'll have to do better than that, kid," Wildcat grinned as he ducked the blow and spun to deliver a hard jab to Xander's kidney only to find that the kid had vanished again. The double crack of his teleport rang in Wildcat's ear, but this time as he spun around a hammer blow nailed him in his left leg.

Xander drove his knee into the leg as hard as he could, lifting it off the ground and pushing Wildcat off balance. He then dropped and spun, sweeping the other leg, taking the older man entirely off the ground. He apparated while Wildcat was still falling, appearing over the old man, and came down hard, driving his elbow into Wildcat's throat.

That should have ended it, and it would have if the old man hadn't caught his elbow and twisted in midair. Xander saw the mat coming up fast. He cracked out in an extra loud apparition, reappearing above Wildcat, slamming his elbow down into the back of the man's head so that it bounced off the canvas.

Both men rolled apart, then lay still for a moment. Finally Xander got to his feet, shakily, still hearing a ringing in his ears. He glanced over, but Wildcat wasn't moving.

"Winner! By Knockout… X!"

Xander shook his head, cradling his jaw lightly. It was going to be a couple days before he ate anything he had to chew heavily. He walked over, kicking Wildcat onto his back. "Yo, old man, you dead?"

The heavily built man groaned and his eyes slowly opened, as he forced a grin. "Told you, you couldn't take me without that juju crap."

"You are such a pain in the ass," Xander said, helping the man to his feet. "I swear, if you hadn't trained half the guys in this place I'd kick you down some stairs or something just to hear you say you've fallen and can't get up."

"Ha! That'll be the day, you little punk!" Wildcat snapped back as the two limped out of the ring, cradling injured limbs and rubbing bruised flesh.

* * *

Ted Grant, more publically known as Wildcat, rubbed tiger balm on his injured arm knowing that he was going to be feeling that for a while.

"You're slipping, Wildcat."

Grant didn't look up, "What do you want, Bats? Or did you just come to watch the fights?"

"I have better things to do than spend my time watching illegal street fights." The Batman said as he stepped out of the corner, "As do you. Why are you involved in this?"

"That's my business, Bats." Grant growled, "Not yours. What are you here for?"

"The guy you were fighting, X."

"The kid? What about him?"

"What do you know?"

Grant shrugged, despite the pain it caused him. "He's a good kid, heck of a fighter. Some kind of meta, obviously, though he beats most of the punks around here without using his powers. Why?"

"I need a consultant, he was recommended."

"Consultant? For what?" Grant asked, genuinely confused. The kid didn't seem like he had much of anything before fighting, and the Batman needed a fighting consultant like he needed a boxing coach.

There was no response.

Wildcat turned around, glaring, but the room was empty.

"Damn. Everything I taught that boy and I still can't figure out how he does that."

* * *

The Batman was puzzled. The young man Zatanna had sent him to was something of an enigma, and he didn't like enigmas much. When she had recommended the man as a mystical consultant, he'd expected a scholar, a practicing mage of some sort perhaps, but whatever he had expected it wasn't this.

A brawler in illegal cage fighting?

He followed the man from the warehouse to building by the docks that looked like it had seen better days. He waited outside for a while, locating the man's room and watched his post-fight routine.

Nothing abnormal. No magical healing, no mystical talismans. He just wrapped his shoulder, swallowed some painkillers, and turned on the TV.

Batman was starting to think that Zatanna had given him the wrong name.

Then the man walked over to the window and pushed it open, leaning out slightly. "You may as well come in. You're broadcasting like a radio tower, and I don't feel like having you wake me up after I crash."

Then the man turned and walked away.

Disturbing.

Not one to shy away from a confrontation, however, the Batman only hesitated a moment before swinging across the street and into the window.

"Do me a favor and shore up your mental shields." The man called X said without turning around, "I know you have them, you should use them constantly."

A moment was all it took, and the Batman knew the man was right. He was getting careless, he hadn't dealt with mystics in too long.

"That's better. Thanks." X said, turning around, "So to what do I owe the honor, Batman?"

"You were recommended." Batman growled out.

"For what?"

"I need information of a mystical variety."

X laughed, "What? Was Doctor Fate unavailable?"

Batman grimaced, not that anyone could tell. Why did everyone ask that? "Yes."

* * *

"We've got a problem." Xander pronounced after spending twenty minutes looking over the files the Bat had handed him.

"That much I was able to deduce for myself."

Xander ignored him, not looking up, "How old are the missing kids?"

The Batman stared for a moment, knowing that he had left nothing about the kidnappings in the files. They only had the occult oriented materials, nothing else.

"Eight, Six, and Two."

"All girls?" Xander asked softly.

"Yes." The Batman said, impressed but concerned. "Are they still alive?"

He was relieved when Xander nodded jerkily.

"Yeah. For another…" Xander checked his watch, "Three hours, twelve minutes… plus the ritual time. We have to find them before that starts."

"How can you possibly know that?"

"Because they'll all have their birthday celebration then." Xander said, "Making them Nine, Seven, and Three."

Batman frowned, trying to remember their files, but finally pulled out his pocket computer slash cell phone and checked the biography on the victims.

"How?"

"It's a sacrificial ritual," Xander said, grabbing a ruler from the desk and measuring off distances on the map the Batman had given him. "A planar summoning, to be exact. That's the good news."

"How is that good?"

"It's not, but the rest is worse. Much worse."

"Explain."

"Ok, look, ritual magic? Not my area, so I'm making some guesses here…" Xander paused until the Batman motioned for him to move on, "That said, demonology is one of my areas of experience if not specialty. This is a three point sacrifice, judging from the crime scenes you've got here. Three girls, three ages, all magically powerful numbers. Nine, Seven, and Three. Three sacrifices each, Innocence, Virgin Blood, and Life's Blood."

Batman felt a chill run through him. "They're going to…"

"Torture, rape, then kill. Yes, in that order." Xander said, checking his watch, "In three hours, nine minutes. Summer Solstice, of course."

"Where!?" The Bat demanded angrily.

"These scenes were the prep work, they form…"

"An equilateral triangle, I know. I already checked the center."

Xander shook his head, "Not the center. They'll do it at the focal point, using a Pyramid as the base. The triangle is one mile on a side so they're either going to be almost mile up in the air or…"

"Nearly a mile underground." The Batman finished, turning away and shooting a grappler out the window.

Xander started to object as he vanished into the night, then thought better of it and turned back to the files.

"Demons. Only thing worse is demon loving scumbags." He growled as he got up and grabbed his coat.

No tools, no weapons, no time.

Xander checked his watch again.

Three hours, four minutes.

A crack of sound filled the apartment and he was gone.

* * *

"You have a lead?"

Batman didn't answer, he just thumbed a control on his belt and a second later the bright lamps of the batmobile lit up and closed on him.

"Get in." He said as the car screeched to a halt between him and the man in black and blue. "We're on the clock."

Nightwing blinked, but jumped into the car. "How bad?"

"Bad." Batman replied as they roared off, "If my information is right, we have three hours. Then they're dead."

"Damn." Nightwing cursed. "Do we know where?"

"Probably."

"Hit it."

The Batman shoved the accelerator all the way forward, and a blast of plasma erupted out the back of the vehicle, slamming them both into their seats as they tore across Bludhaven and headed for Gotham.

"Alfred."

"Here, Sir." Alfred Pennyworth said over the comm.

"Call in Batgirl and Robin, forget patrols for tonight. I have a location."

"Very good sir, when shall I tell them you'll be arriving?"

The batmobile wove in and out of traffic, still accelerating as it hit the freeway.

"Soon."

* * *

The sound of a bullet shot echoed through the streets of Gotham, and a woman screamed as a man appeared from nowhere on the corner of a sidewalk. He glanced at her, then shrugged and started walking.

Xander didn't care who saw him, he wasn't a Cape. That said, there were enough Metas running around the streets of the country now that one more wouldn't raise much in the way of eyebrows. He double checked his position against his memory of the Bat's crime scenes and made his way over to the closest manhole cover.

He frowned, wishing once more for even his old Ollivander wand. It was a far cry from his own custom models, but he'd take it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, he knew that wasn't in the books, so he sighed and apparated blind, straight down eight feet.

"Fuck!" He cursed as he fell the additional six feet to the sewer floor, barely landing on the balls of his feet in the much, balancing his landing with his hands as he pitched forward to roll if needed.

Luckily for his beat up leather jacket and rather limited wardrobe, that wasn't required and in a moment he was getting back to his feet and looking up and down the sewer he was standing in.

He was going to need a miracle to do this in time.

* * *

Batman checked the radar coverage over Gotham, on the chance that the ritual was planned for a midair completion, but wasn't surprised to find it clear. Underground made much more sense in terms of the crimes' nature, and given the miles of intertwined tunnels that made up Gotham's underground.

The main screen of his computer was analyzing decades of City blueprints, checking which tunnels were confirmed as caved in and which ones were open.

It was a daunting task, though they were lucky. Gotham at least kept records, even if many of them were only on rotting old sheafs of paper stored in the basement of city hall.

"Have another batch of photos being uploaded from Tim." Dick said, sending the information to the Bat Computer.

"Good." Batman acknowledged, "Barbara, are you there?"

"I'm over the site now." Batgirl's voice came back, "Initiating GPR sweep."

Ground Penetrating Radar wouldn't reach that far down, not given the complexity of the underground, but Bruce was hoping that the composite image of that and the old city plans would give them something.

He growled at the speed the Cray based computer was working at.

The clock was ticking.

* * *

"Come on… where are you…" Xander muttered. He could FEEL the thrum of magic in the air, the location was no accident it was a Nexus, likely of Ley Lines, maybe something else. He didn't know enough about Gotham's history to be sure.

The problem was, he couldn't figure out how to get there from here.

That left plan B.

Locate someone who did know, and beat it out of them.

The problem was, this was Gotham and not Sunnydale. The sewers were empty, and he couldn't get any kind of feel for demons, vampires, or any specific supernatural types around him.

"Fuck it." He snarled, stomping to a clear are in an intersection ahead.

Rite based magic was something he steered well clear of, but there were some exceptions in his repertoire. Most of them were, sadly, useless to him at the moment but he did have one or two marginally useful spells he could cast using a ritual as his focus.

He fished some chalk out of his pocket and sketched out a set of runic symbols on the ground, then sat amidst them with a grimace as he mentally swore at ruining his jeans. He pushed the annoyance out of his mind, he could afford a new pair of pants, even with most of his winnings being spent on what research materials and potential wand components he could find.

He brought his magic to heel, focusing on the runes around him much as he would on a wand. The runes would take his raw personal magic and transform it into the form needed for the spell, but it was the equivalent of casting a spell without the gestures through a mismatched wand. Basically worthless for any significant spell, but he could just about manage a simple one.

The runes lit up, wasting energy as his magic caused the cement and chalk to fluoresce. Focusing harder than he'd had to in years, Xander opened his eyes and whispered the command as he tossed a pencil from his pocket into the air.

"Point me."

* * *

"There." Nightwing pointed.

Batman nodded imperceptibly. The Ground penetrating radar sweep had turned up a new tunnel that connected to a very old part of the Gotham subway system. The new section wasn't on the maps they had, and its incline was particularly steep.

His fingers danced over the keyboard, comparing its direction and angle with the plotted location for the ritual based on the information he'd gotten from Harris. The lines glowed green as the matched perfectly.

"Suit up. Everyone, we're moving out. Meet up at the location I'm sending out now." He said, standing from his chair. "We have a job to do."

* * *

Even as he zeroed in on the source of the magic he was feeling, Xander couldn't help but have some misgivings about the entire situation. Ok, beyond the obvious ones anyway. The brutality of the situation, if he'd read the signs right, seemed beyond the pale for the DC universe. He understood that the real deal was going to be worse in some ways than was published in comic books, but this was a bit more than a slap in the face and a wakeup call.

Since he'd arrived he'd been shocked by the sheer disparity he could see and feel in the world around him. The light was so very light, but the dark was like nothing he'd ever seen… and he lived much of his life on a Hellmouth.

The floating pencil in front of him was a good sign that the available magical energy was a great deal more potent than back home, even compared to the west coast which was notoriously rich in raw magical energy. He'd have had to renew the spell at least once if he'd cast it in Sunnydale, more than that almost anywhere else, but here it was still going strong and seemed more adaptive than he'd expected.

He found his way into the train tunnels below the sewers easily enough, then tracked them back to some closed off sections. They'd been boarded up, but after a quick peek through the cracks in one board he simply apparated past the obstacle. After that it was smooth sailing to a section where a branch went down steeply, and the pencil pointed right along its path.

"Someone's been a busy beaver." He said, eyeing the new work that had obviously been done on the tunnel.

One thing about the DC universe that was living up to its reputation was clearly the insane levels of resources and plan complexity employed by the bad guys. The tunnel was obviously new, as in just cut. He was having a hard time figuring out what the point was, why build the spell framework so large? He wasn't aware of any magical significance to the dimensions, so they should have been able to get away with a much smaller, and therefor easier, containment pyramid.

"Absolutely insane," He muttered, shaking his head. "But who am I to expect a pack of child sacrificing nut bags to do anything sane?"

"Not a bad question, I've got a better one."

Xander half turned, noting the figure in blue and black appear. "Oh?"

"Yeah, who are you?"

"Ask bats." Xander said, turning back down the tunnel. "Since you're here, I assume he's not far."

"I'm here." A gravelly voice said from the shadows. "How did you find this place?"

"You really need to ask?" Xander rolled his eyes, "With you here, I guess we can consider the location confirmed. Oh, and your shields are much better by the way. Birdboy needs to shore his up a bit though."

"What are you tracking exactly?" The Batman asked, refusing to comment on the after shot.

"Magical focus, lot of power building." Xander said, "You?"

"Gotham underground map, cross referenced against ground penetrating radar sweeps."

Xander chuckled, shaking his head, "Where DO you get all those wonderful toys?"

"Who is this guy?" Robin asked, coming down the tunnel with Batgirl.

"Consultant." Batman replied, "He gave me the lead on how to find this place."

"Looks like he could have given you directions." Nightwing growled.

"Not at the time, besides the Bat here swung out my window before I could offer any more help." Xander said, rolling his eyes.

"Sounds familiar," Batgirl said with a smirk.

"Look, this is fun and all," Robin cut in, "But aren't we on a clock?"

They all looked at each other.

"Fine. You're coming, I take it?" Batman asked Xander.

"You need to ask? These bastards took little kids, I've killed people for less than that."

"We don't do that." Batman growled, grabbing Xander by the shoulder.

"Relax, Bats. I was a soldier, it was a war." Xander replied, "This isn't. Yet."

"What do you mean, yet?" Batgirl asked.

"If they finish their summoning, we'll be at war. Trust me."

"That's not going to happen." Batman snapped. "Let's go."

* * *

Batman was reevaluating the contact Zatanna had directed him to almost every few minutes he was in the young man's company. His initial searches for information on the kid turned up nothing, which wasn't a surprise once he learned about the boy's extra dimensional origins.

For a mystic he was also remarkably fit, in addition to his fighting abilities he was keeping up with the group as they raced down the tunnel, and Batman knew they were on their way to smashing the four minute mile. What he said about being a soldier could explain that, though, but it felt like it was only part of the story.

"So you know what's going on here?" Batgirl asked as they ran.

Xander glanced over at the Bat, "You didn't tell them?"

Batman didn't reply.

"Why am I not surprised?" Xander muttered. "Look kiddies, you're going to see some very not nice stuff. Hold it together, don't puke until we're done."

"Ha! Very funny." Robin smirked as they ran.

No one answered him.

"What? He's kidding, right?" Robin directed his question to the Batman.

Again, there was no answer.

"Come on! He has to be kidding!"

"Run faster." Batman growled. "If you can talk, you can run faster."

* * *

"God there's a lot of them," Batgirl whispered from where they were crouched behind a ridge of rock, looking down what seemed to be a large, naturally occurring, cavern.

"At least that explains the size of the containment pyramid," Xander whispered, mostly to himself. "Partially anyway."

"Explain." Batman growled in a low voice.

"Cavern looks natural, they must have known it was here. Explains why they went to all this trouble to dig down here, at least partially." Xander said, "What worries me is why they think they need something this size."

"Here." Batman passed him a pair of folding binoculars.

Xander took them and focused in on the containment circle around the stone alter, trying to read the runes.

"Damn it."

"What is it?"

"I can't read the language of the runic work." Xander muttered. "It's intricate, though. Complex, very methodical… exacting. They have a rune master."

"What does that mean?" Robin blinked.

"It means we don't want to give this guy any time to defend himself when we move in. You don't want to fight a rune master, especially not if he's had time to prepare the battleground."

"Great. Can I just say, I'm not really fond of magic just now?" Robin muttered, "How do we identify this rune master guy?"

"We don't." Xander shook his head, "He could be anyone."

"Thanks for that terribly useful information," Nightwing muttered. "How much time do we have?"

Xander glanced at his watch reflexively, but was beaten to the punch by the batman.

"Fourteen minutes."

"We are going down now?" Robin asked.

"No. I don't see the children." Batman said. "We wait."

"Are we sure they're going to be here?" Batgirl asked.

"They'll be here." Xander replied, "I can't read the containment runes, but the altar is covered in the rune work for tantric rites."

"Tantric?" Batgirl blinked.

"Sex magic."

"Oh. Oh! Ew! They're little girls!" She hissed.

"I'm more interested in how you recognize those symbols," The Batman growled.

Xander shrugged, "Sex rituals don't make a lot of distinction between consensual and nonconsensual practices. The rune work is largely identical."

The whole bat-clan turned to stare at him.

"Seriously?" Robin said, "Is this guy for real?"

"Hey do you have any idea how much energy is released during sex?" Xander asked with a smirk. "Most of it is wasted, too. My girlfriend in school was pretty pragmatic on top of all that, she wasn't going to waste her own Virgin Blood."

"Ok, again with the Ew." Batgirl objected as Batman growled, "So you're saying that they're going to… do… that with the kidnapped girls?"

Xander nodded, turning serious again. "Yeah. That's why they took those specific girls. The right ages, the right birthdates, the right gender. It's a magical trifecta, powerful."

"Right gender? They couldn't have taken a boy that age?" Nightwing interjected.

Xander shook his head, "Technically, as far as magic is concerned, boys don't have a virginity to sacrifice. It's a blood thing."

"But they're children!" Batgirl hissed.

"Magically potent ages," Xander replied, "Three, Seven, and Nine are very powerful numbers. You can't GET any more powerful, in fact. I'm not defending them here, just explaining the reasoning. Whatever else they are, they didn't pick those girls because they're stupid or insane. Someone down there knows his Arithmancy… that, and is a functioning sociopath."

"Unfortunately the second part doesn't narrow down the suspect list much in Gotham." Robin muttered.

"These guys are not your normal nutjobs," Xander countered, "This kind of ritual takes years to setup, as a rule. It's highly unlikely someone just flipped open an old tome a couple months ago and decided it'd be cool to summon a demon."

"Why's that?" Nightwing asked softly.

"For one, the stars and planets have to be aligned for the specific demon in question. Sacrificial victims have to be researched, you have to make sure that you've identified subjects who haven't been abused, who don't do anything extremely active like horseback riding or gymnastics…"

"Wait, what?"

Xander sighed, "I told you, it's a blood thing. Sex is not the primary sacrifice here, virgin blood is. If they've lost their hymen another way, they don't qualify as virgins in the eyes of magic. Magical families heavily discourage their daughters from doing anything to risk that until after they've married, or otherwise… well, you know. The point is, this kind of thing? It takes a lot of work to setup. Someone's been planning this for years. Maybe decades or longer."

"There." The Batman spoke up suddenly, "The girls."

The group looked down and saw the three girls walking in ceremonial strides toward the altar, flanked by men in white robes.

"Time to move."

* * *

"You lot keep them busy," Xander said to the Batman as they broke from cover, "I'll head straight for the kids and get them clear."

Batman stared at him sharply, "You can transport others?"

"I can sidealong one other," Xander confirmed, "More than that and I risk splinching."

Batman lifted an eyebrow and Xander was momentarily surprised by the fact that he could TELL that through the mask.

"It's non-lethal, but potentially painful and very hard to reverse without access to… certain items." Xander said, "Let's just say I want to avoid it."

The batman nodded, "You go for the closest girl, we'll be putting on a big enough distraction."

"The bonus is, if I get even one of them out, we totally screw the ritual." Xander smirked nastily.

"Good."

They dashed down into the cavern, immediately running into the outlying guards, and dispatched them almost without slowing down. The call went out when they hit the second layer, and the guys in charge started screaming at the group to stop them. That was what Xander was waiting for, he lagged behind for a few seconds, focused on the closest girl, and apparated.

It felt like he had slammed into a brick wall at full running speed when he reappeared, in midair at the runic line, and was thrown back in an arcing flight that sent him screaming in pain, shock, and rage over the heads of the fighters and into the stone wall beyond.

"Batgirl, check on him. Everyone else, move to plan B." Batman ordered instantly, shifting his attack to penetrate the mass of people instead of merely distracting them.

Batgirl dropped back out of the fight, sprinting over to where Xander had landed, and found him rolling to his feet and cursing up a storm is several languages.

"Son of a BITCH that hurts!" He snarled, holding his hand.

She looked at it and gasped, "Your hand…"

"I splinched it." He growled, forcing himself to stop grasping at the 'injury'. "Who the FUCK puts up anti apparition wards on a demon summoning circle!?"

"That's unusual, I take it?" She asked, helping him to his feet and steadying him.

"Hell yes. Demons don't apparate. Not as a rule, anyway." He growled, eyeing the circle beyond with more caution. "Ok, this makes things harder."

"Harder? You lost your left hand!" She said, unbelieving.

"Yeah, if you see it around, pick it up will ya?" Xander asked, "Man, it's going to be a bitch to get that reattached without a wand. Ok, new plan… I need to get in physically, get out with a kid, THEN I can get out of here. You ready?"

"Ready for what?" She asked, incredulous. No one just shrugged off losing a hand like that, right? Then she blinked, come to think of it… where was the blood?

"Plow the road, woman. Plow the road. We've got to get to those kids, and we've a few dozen nutjobs between us and them." Xander said with a dark smile. "You are going to let them stop us?"

Batgirl hesitated, then matched his smile. "Hell no."

"Then let's move."

* * *

The Batman dropped his opponent as he noticed Batgirl and the Harris kid sprinting back into the fight. They seemed to be working on the same plan he was, so he left them to it. He thumbed a release on his belt, dropping a handful of gas pellets into his hand, and threw them at the onrushing group of cultists or whatever they were.

Five went down coughing, he ignored them. Two more were on the edge and stayed standing long enough for batman to drop them both with jaw snapping punches. It would have hurt less if they'd just taken a deep breath, but he didn't spare any sympathy for them.

"They're going to take us down by sheer numbers at this rate." Nightwing said as he flipped over another group, dropping a gas bomb in their midst.

"I know. There are more of them than I could see." Batman admitted. "We don't have much choice, though. Those kids…"

"Yeah, I'm with you. I'd love to know what happened to wonder boy's plan, though." Nightwing growled as the Duo waded into the fray again.

"Probably magical wards." Batman grunted, "Should have expected them."

"Shit happens. Deal with it." Nightwing replied simply.

Batman didn't say anything, he was too busy at that point anyway.

* * *

"Don't fight them!" Xander called, racing along behind Batgirl as she beaned a Batarang off the head of a closing goon.

"What!?"

"We don't need to fight them, we need to get to the other side. If we can't go through em," Xander called out.

"Got it! Go over them!" Batgirl said in realization, spinning and dropping to a crouch as she cupped her hands.

She didn't know when or how, but in that moment as he used her as a spring board, she realized that she had automatically begun to respond to him like he was one of the family. She shook off the weird sensation, heaving as hard as she could, and threw him up and into the air.

As Xander flew over the heads of the goons, He tucked into a roll, flipping to bring his feet forward, and stuck his landing dead center in the chest of one of the rear echelon goons with enough force to crack ribs and possibly kill the guy outright. He didn't spare his landing pad a second thought, however, and rolled clear and to his feet, already sprinting for the runic markings.

Behind him he heard a small bang, and risked a glance to see Batgirl rising over the crowd, cape spread wide behind her as she rode her grappler up.

He had burned out his lust for magic and superhero fanboyism a long time ago, but in that moment Xander felt a spark rekindle down deep as part of him he had thought long dead started jumping up and down, clapping its hands and saying 'this is so cool!' over and over again.

So it was with a wide grin on his face that he leapt over the runic barrier, and into the demonic circle, landing at a dead run as he bolted straight for the closest girl.

One of the dudes in white got between him and the girls, holding a ceremonial dagger high in both hands.

"You will not stop us!"

Before Xander could even get to him a Batarang came out of nowhere, knocking the blade from his hand. Xander could hear gas bombs going off all around him, so he didn't slow down, instead he just powered through the robed guys line a linebacker and grabbed the smallest girl without pause.

As he swept her up, however, she started kicking and scratching at him and he had to fight to stay on his feet.

"Hey! Cut it out! This is a rescue you little… YEOW!" He yelped as she bit him. He glared at her, but winced as he recognized the dull look in her eyes.

Imperious, or close enough. He shifted her around as best he could, shoving her under his left arm like a sack of potatoes as he ran for the clearest line to the circle he could find. He could hear yelling and screaming behind him but he ignored it as the small explosions of sound told him that Batgirl was still strafing the area from above with gas pellets.

Running flat out could be challenging enough on its own when you were on unfamiliar ground. When you were missing your left hand, holding a squirming, kicking, and biting brat while fighting off armed nutjobs with your free hand… well, it was an experience and he'd leave it at that.

Xander shouldered through the last man between him and the rune, ignoring the screams of rage behind him, and put on a last surge of speed to break out. Once past the circle he didn't stop, just focused on Gotham Police Headquarters, and apparated.

He'd known doing the whole bat fan tourist thing would pay off.

* * *

Batman watched, relieved as Harris vanished into thin air, knowing that at the very least the ritual was now botched to some degree. Without knowing exactly how far, however, he couldn't let up the pressure and continued to wade into the morass of people between him and his goal.

In the back of his mind he noted that Batgirl had used up all her gas bomb, though he certainly approved of her tactics. His own supplies were low, and he was certain the same was true for Nightwing and Robin. Something told him that this bunch weren't going to go quietly, even if their ritual was screwed up.

It was going to get brutal.

* * *

Even in Gotham, it was markedly unusual to have someone literally appear out of thin air in the middle of the police station. So, Commissioner Gordon thought that he could forgive the lack of immediate response on the part of his officers when a man came tumbling out of nowhere, hit the floor in a skid on his back, and wiped out three Gotham Police Officers like he was rolling a Seven Ten Split at the bowling alley.

That wasn't to say he wouldn't be chastising them later for just staring in shock rather than reacting according to their training. He just wouldn't fire anyone over it. Probably.

"Crap! Someone get her off me!" The unidentified man growled, holding a young girl at bay as she seemed intent on clamping her teeth down on his throat.

Gordon grabbed the girl, pulling her clear, only to find himself fighting the barely out of diapers toddler as well as the little beast bit down on his arm. "Ow! What in the!?"

"She's been brainwashed, controlled, enspelled… whatever…" The young man growled, rolling to his feet.

"This is the Selinas Girl!" Gordon gaped as he held the violent toddler at bay. "Where did you find her?"

"Same place the others are at, and if you'll excuse me I've got to get back there." The young man muttered, getting up and shaking his head.

"Jesus, Son," Gordon whispered, "What happened to your hand."

"I left it with the Bat Pack where I picked her up, situation's not good either. They're outnumbered, and I don't think the bad guys are giving up."

"How did you get here?"

"Call it a Meta power, I've got to go. Gods willing, I'll be back with the other two soon."

"You got her here, can you get us there?" Gordon grabbed his shoulder.

He hesitated, frowning, then frowned. "One. That's it. That's my limit, and there are risks. I already splinched myself once, it could happen again."

"Splinched?" Gordon didn't know if he wanted to know.

The young man held up his hand, or stump. "I left it behind."

Gordon winced, wavered, but then decided. "Take me."

"Boss, no! I'll go!" A burly detective growled, stepping forward.

"This one's mine, Bullock." Gordon growled, checking his service piece.

"You may want more than that."

"Boss!"

Gordon looked up in time to catch a shotgun thrown his way, he racked a shell into the chamber and nodded. "Let's go."

"Should be a hell of a trip. Hang on." The man said, grabbing his arm just before they vanished from the station.

* * *

"I'm out of Batarangs!" Robin called out, snapping out his staff and flicking it to full extension.

"Same here." Batgirl called, backing away from several goons moving in on her.

The four were moving back to back, surrounded but still fighting well above their weight. That said, the weight pressing in on them was above even that, and through the press of men Batman could see the robed men leading the remaining two girls to the alter.

His blood boiled cold, he'd hoped that without the third they would be forced to stop. If they intended to continue, he had to stop them.

"I'm going for the altar." He ground out, pulling his grappler out. "You three, pull back."

"That's suicide!"

He was about to reply when a shattering roar caused everyone to flinch and look around.

"Gotham PD! Everyone freeze!"

"Daddy?" Batgirl whispered, looking to where her father was standing on an outcropping of rock, shotgun in his hand.

For a moment it seemed that people had listened, and nothing moved. Then five of the closest figures to the Commissioner charged him.

The shotgun roared, a heavy deer slug punching through the lead man like he was made of tissue paper and dropping him in his tracks. Gordon racked the pump and glared over the cavern, "I said, everyone. FREEZE."

The group stumbled, stopping in their tracks, then slowly dropped their weapons and lifted their hands in the air. With them as the example others began doing the same as Gordon strode forward, having to step over and on several of the dozens of unconscious bodies the Bat Clan had left in their wake. The remaining couple dozen seemed to have the wind taken out of their sale by the twelve gauge, though, and Gordon found little resistance as he moved toward the center of the cavern, with the kid who'd brought him along walking carefully at his back.

"Lay down your weapons," He said, pointing his shotgun at the dagger wielding men in robes. "You're under arrest for kidnapping, attempted murder, child abuse, child endangerment, and whatever else I can tack on before trial."

The robed men looked at each other, the girls, then at the shotgun pointed in their direction. Their daggers clattered to the ground a second later and they lifted their hands skyward. That was the sign for the rest to follow suit, and in a few minutes they had the cult members, or whatever they were, grouped by a wall where they could be covered.

Xander sighed then and slumped down onto a rock, glancing over at where the Batman was standing.

"You guys rock and all," He said, but then jerked his head toward Gordon, "But as of today, HE is my personal fucking hero."

Batgirl giggled slightly, as the others smiled. Even Batman seemed to be hiding a smile, though Xander supposed it could be a smirk. He didn't care. He was worn out, in pain, and missing his left goddamned hand.

He shifted his jaw, felt around with his tongue, and then sighed as he spit out a tooth. "Bastards finished what Wildcat started. This just isn't my day. Can anyone see my HAND!?"

The Bat Clan looked at each other, shrugging, and looked around. Batman saw it first, but he was actually too stunned to comment until after Batgirl caught sight of it and shrieked.

"It's moving!"

"I should hope so, where is it?" Xander asked, walking over to her.

She pointed and he sighed in relief as the hand suddenly hopped up on its fingertips and ran over in his direction. He knelt down, catching it in his right hand, and lifted it to his shoulder where it grabbed hold.

"What the hell is that!?" Batgirl screamed.

"My hand, thank you for finding it."

"Why is it moving? You had it cut off!"

Xander gave her a weird look, "I did not. I splinched it."

"Son, that is all kinds of weird." Gordon said from where he was keeping the conscious thugs covered. "Is that part of your meta ability?"

"Huh? No, nothing like that. It's not technically separate from my body."

"It sure looks separate, dude." Robin said, eyeing the appendage askance.

"You look like a kid who should be home in bed, waiting to get beat up for your lunch money tomorrow at school. What's you point?" Xander countered, rolling his eyes. "Look, it's a whole hyper math thing to try and explain it scientifically. Just call it magic, it's easier. Ok?"

"That is seriously creepy." Nightwing said, shaking his head.

"You want creepy? There was a wizard back home who splinched himself so bad no one ever found anything BUT his hand," Xander said, "Some friends of mine found It, took it in, and It has served as their right hand man, pardon the pun, for years. No one can figure out to this day if the hand developed sentience on its own, or is still connected somehow to its owner."

Everyone in earshot, including the thugs, looked at each other in consternation.

"Dude, what freaking PLANET do you come from anyway?" Robin demanded, shaking his head.

"Yeah, and grown men dressing like bats and birds are so much saner."

"Ahem." Gordon cut off the retort, "Thanks for your help, but I was hoping you could go and get some men from my department, show them how to get down here?"

Xander nodded tiredly. "I've got another jump or two in me. Can you guys hold them that long?"

"They're not going anywhere." Gordon said, checking his weapon. "Or, at least I'll guarantee that six of them aren't if they try anything."

"Right." Xander said, looking over at the thugs, "If I were you guys, I'd sit tight. You have a better chance with the Bat."

None of them cared to disagree, so Xander just focused on the PDHQ and apparated out.

"Interesting kid, where'd you find him?" Gordon asked Batman after he'd gone.

"In an illegal cage match over in Bludhaven," Batman replied, thinking about and evaluating the young man again. "Which reminds me, Nightwing, what are you doing about this Metabrawl thing?"

Nightwing shrugged, "not much right now. It's illegal, but no one is press ganged into it and the cops don't much care. I have higher priorities, though I do keep a close eye on it in order to see what Metahumans are in town."

Batman nodded, "Good. Keep me updated."

* * *

No one took a shot at him when he appeared back in Gotham PD, which was a big plus. They did have their guns out in a hurry, though, and the barrel shaped detective named Bullock had him slammed against a wall a few seconds after he arrived.

"Where's the Commish!?" Bullock demanded, slamming him back again.

Xander scowled, then lifted his left hand onto its fingertips and jumped it at the cop. Bullock fell back howling when he got poked in the eyes, stooges style, holding his face more in shock than pain. Xander's hand hit the ground on its fingers and quickly scuttled back up his pants on its way to his shoulder. Once there, it paused briefly to give Bullock a one finger salute before settling in again.

"What kinda freak are you?"

"The kind Gordon sent to bring you guys down to where he's waiting with a few dozen thugs to be arrested. You interested?"

Bullock grimaced, "Fine. Do your mojo thing."

"Like hell. I'm not porting all you donut eaters down there. Hell, I'd just have to port you out again anyway," Xander rolled his eyes, "Situation is under control, we'll go there to normal way. But, uh… bring lots and lots of wagons. You guys have a night ahead of you."

Bullock glared at him for a moment, but nodded. "You all heard the freak. The Commish is waiting on us! Get a move on!"

Every cop moved.

* * *

The sun had been up for a long time by the time Xander made it home, he was so tired he called a cab instead of apparating. He stumbled into the cruddy old apartment and fixed himself some toast before staggering into his room and collapsing into bed.

He lay there for a few minutes, then opened his eyes.

"Dude. Really. If you were just going to come here and bug me this soon, you could have offered me a lift home."

The Batman stood by his window, looking out. "You helped a lot last night."

"I know."

"Are you willing to help in the future?"

Xander sighed, rolling back out of bed and sitting up. "Sure. Why not?"

"Why are you fighting in Metabrawl? You're obviously educated, intelligent, talented…"

"I also have nothing to my name, not even a name as you know by now," Xander countered tiredly. "I can't get a job, even if I could find one that paid anywhere near what I make fighting. My education is all based around having access to certain tools that don't even EXIST here, and even if I had an applicable education there is still the issue of proving it."

He sighed, "Look. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I've got a ton of work to do today if I don't want my projects to get badly behind. Do you have a point to get to?"

"I know people who could help you out, who could use your talents." Batman said, turning to look at him. "It won't be as glamorous as bareknuckle fighting senior citizens, but it'll be honest."

Xander snorted, "I honestly kicked his arse. Next week, he'll kick mine more than likely."

Batman just stared.

"Look, I don't know. I'll think about it, but I have my own goals right now. I need to get the materials to make some basic tools of my trade," Xander said, "So I can build the tools that just might get me home…."

Xander sighed, rubbing the back of his head, and considered it.

It did occur to him, however, to remember that the statutes of secrecy didn't exist here. He slowly let out a long breath.

"What is it?"

Xander looked up, "You know what? We may be able to help each other after all. You wouldn't happen to know someone who might be able to, say, market healing potions?"

"Magic." Batman growled.

"Magic is just high energy physics and chemistry at work," Xander countered, "You can adapt most potions so they work on anyone, often even put them in pill form. I have an eidetic memory, and while I was never a healer track student, I know my way around a cauldron. If I can get the ingredients… I know some tricks that will blow you away."

Batman considered it, "I think I know just the person. You'll be contacted."

Xander nodded as the Batman fired his grappler out the window and was gone.

"I bet you do." He said with a tired smirk.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

Several Weeks Later.

"Gee Red, what are we doing out here?"

"I told you, Harley, There have been some unusual pollen traces I want to investigate."

"All this way in the muck and the mud for some plants?" Harleen Quinzel, AKA Harley Quinn whined, "Are they pretty at least?"

"They should be dead." Pamela Isley, AKA Poison Ivy, replied, face set in concentration, "the entire genus died out over eight hundred years ago."

"Oooo… Is it a zombie plant, then Red?"

"Zombie plan…" Ivy turned to look at her companion in consternation, "What are you talking about, Harl?"

"You said they were dead."

"I meant extinct Harley," Ivy sighed, "Never mind. We're getting closer."

"Uh, Red?"

"Shush, Harley, I'm trying to track the pollen."

"Red…"

"Just be quiet a moment, Harl. I'm working."

"But Red…"

Ivy ignored her, "Now where are you my little mystery…"

"Maybe it's over there."

Ivy straightened up, sighing, "Harley, what makes you think you can track down a plant better than I can?"

"Uh…"

"Exactly. Now let me work."

"But…"

"Harley! This is important!"

Harley sighed, "Ok Red. I'm just gonna go over that way."

"Fine, fine," Ivy said, focusing on the pollen trace she had located on the ground.

Harley Quinn skipped away, heading toward the large green house she had spotted in the distance.

* * *

Xander woke up to his left hand itching, and sighed as he rolled over and scratched it. He had been trying to get the damn thing reattached for weeks, but it was a pain in the ass to do without a wand.

He knew that there was a wandless method for reattaching splinched limbs, but it was a rarely used method that he'd never bothered learning because… well, normally he was Mr. Wand. The idea of not having a wand available had literally been unthinkable, that was the whole point of half the stuff he invented.

He had rolled back over when his hand itched again, and he opened his eyes, recognizing the wards twinging.

He got up, shaking the sleep from his head and listened carefully. He didn't hear anything unusual, but that wasn't too surprising. He hadn't been surprised in the slightest to receive a visit from Gotham's resident billionaire a few days after his mission with the Bat. After talking with Wayne for a while about what he needed to do his work, they had located an old biosphere greenhouse setup just outside of Gotham, about midway between the city and Bludhaven.

Only the DC verse would have facilities like this just lying around unused, Xander had thought. He shouldn't have been shocked, he supposed, since what he could remember of the comic books these things were common place in the parts. This particular one had been a Luthor Corps facility until an investigation had it shut down for illegal genetic work.

Xander put that out of his mind, picking up his left hand as it crawled over to him, and connecting it to his arm with a wandless sticking charm as he focused carefully on the wards. Unfortunately he hadn't managed any really sophisticated warding, so all he was getting was a ping off the intruder alarm.

"Great." Xander muttered, pulling up a pair of pants and buckling them as he made his way out of the small room he used.

* * *

"Wheee!" Harley giggled as she cartwheeled through the planting boxes, pausing from time to time to smell the flowers.

She didn't know if this was what Ivy was looking for, but there was a lot of pretty flowers and stuff. She came to a stop by a tray of potted plants, cocking her head to one side. "Oooh! Pretty…"

She picked up one of the pots, taking a deep breath of the blooming blossoms.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Eeep!" Harley snapped straight, spinning around and hiding the pot behind her back. "I wasn't doin nothing!"

"That's a young Mandrake," The man speaking said as he stepped down some stairs, nodding at her. "It's not old enough to kill you, but if you piss it off you'll wind up with a nasty headache and blood dripping from your ears, eyes, and nose."

"Wha?" She stared, eyes widened, barely hearing what he said as she stared at his bare chest. "Oooh… Mommy like."

"Oi." Xander sighed, pinching his nose. He could feel her unshielded thoughts, and was actually more than slightly disturbed by the sensation. The bizarre mix of lust, innocence, and violent impulses reminded him of Wednesday… except Wednesday was never as innocent in nature as Harley. "Please set the plant down, ok? I don't need a trip to the hospital."

"Huh?"

"The plant."

"What plant?"

"The one you're hiding behind your back."

She smiled weakly, pulling the plant around front, "Oh! THIS plant…"

"Yes, that plant." Xander sighed, "Just set it down, please."

"This little old thing?" Harley smiled, balancing the plant on one finger as she twirled in place.

Xander winced, "Yes that."

"What are you gonna do if I don't?" She asked, cartwheeling one handed in his direction.

"Run." Xander muttered, "Really fast."

"Aww… is the big strong man really that scared of me?" Harley asked teasingly.

"No. I'm scared of the PLANT."

She paused, pouting, and looked closer at the potted plant in question. "It don't look scary."

She nearly jumped out of her skin when there was a sudden crack of sound, and Xander was beside her, taking the plant out of her hands.

"Looks can be deceiving." He muttered, setting it carefully down on one of the tables. He shook his head, sighing in relief, and turned back to her. "Now what are you doing here, Harley?"

"Oh! You've heard of me!" She grinned, throwing herself at him and draping her hands around his neck. "That's sweet."

Xander shook his head, "Please tell me you're here with Ivy and not the Joker."

"Puddin's in Arkham." She pouted, pulling away, "And boy do you know how to ruin a mood."

"Well thank Magic for small favors." Xander said, eyeing the potentially troublesome woman in front of him. "I don't suppose you'd leave if I asked?"

She pouted, "You want to get rid of me?"

"In a word? Yes."

"That's mean!" She folded her arms on her chest, "What did I do to you?"

"Besides trespassing?"

"Well if you want to get technical on me…" She muttered, glaring at him, turning her back on him as she stuck her nose in the air with a loud 'humph'.

Xander couldn't help it, his eyes drifted south along her red and black skin tight costume. "Damn. I bet you could bounce a quarter off that ass."

"Oh no you don't!" She spun around, pointing at him and glaring. "You had your chance to flirt, Mister. No, you had to be mister 'you're trespassing', well it's on now!"

"Wha?" Xander blinked, surprised by the sudden shifting of gears. She was like some unholy cross of Wednesday, Luna, and Buffy.

"That's right!" She said, poking him in the chest. "I'm the bad girl here, and that means I'm in charge, got that?"

"In charge of what?" Xander asked, looking around. "It's a greenhouse."

"That's not the point!" She stomped her feet, glowering at him, then grabbed for him.

Xander sidestepped casually, letting her flail by.

"Hey! Hold still, you!"

"Uh… no?"

Harley glared, spinning on one foot, and kicked out at his head. Xander leaned back, let the kick pass, then stepped in, planted his foot on her butt, and pushed. Hard. She squealed as she went face first to the floor.

Xander looked at her for a moment before shrugging, and thinking why not. He stepped up to her, fishing in his pocket for something.

Harley was slightly stunned that she'd been take down so easily, and blinked on the floor for a second, gathering her thoughts. He was pretty slick, if she did think so herself. She was just ready to get up when she was taken by surprise by a thump hitting her right ass cheek. She froze for a moment, then heard a clattering on the ground and looked.

It was a quarter.

She looked back at him in disbelief.

"Did you just…?"

"Mmm hmmm." He nodded.

Harley paused, considering, then looked back questioningly this time. "Did it…?"

"Yup." He confirmed.

"How high?"

He laughed, "Almost a foot."

Harley smirked, "I am SO hot."

Xander couldn't deny that, so he just nodded.

"Harley! Are you in here?"

He looked up to see Poison Ivy walking in his direction, and Xander could only groan. This was going to be really bothersome.

* * *

Ivy looked over the scene in front of her from all possible angles before she finally had to ask, "Harl… why are you on your hands and knees in front of a half-naked man we don't know?"

Harley squealed, climbing quickly to her feet, "It's not like that, Red! He was just bouncing a quarter off my butt."

Ivy closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead, then looked questioning at the man in question.

He shrugged, "I was curious if her costume was as tight as it looked."

Ivy sighed. The problem was, she'd often had similar thoughts. Harley made a habit of wearing a costume one half to one full size too small. It wasn't skin tight, it actually forced her body tighter than that.

"And moving on now," She said finally, shaking her head. "Is this your greenhouse?"

Now it was Xander's turn to sigh. Things were about to get into dangerous territory, what with Ivy standing in the middle of a greenhouse full of some of the most powerful and dangerous plants that he and Wayne Enterprises could resurrect from the fossil record.

When Wayne had come to him, Xander had laid out what he needed. The Problem was, what he needed didn't exist. Now. What they had found, however, was that some plants in the records did seem like close matches. With Wayne's budget, and Xander's knowledge, they had got about pulling a Jurassic Park, only with plants.

He didn't have everything he needed, but he'd been able to locate several magical breed of plant though reference books and some luck. Getting them to grow, however, had been all up to Xander since Wayne's people thought the samples had been nonviable. They were completely wrong, of course, the samples simply needed a magical environment and some techniques taught to first year Hogwarts students to grow.

The last thing either Xander or Wayne wanted was Poison Ivy running around with, say, Mandrake seedlings.

That said, it was Gotham, and while Wayne hadn't known exactly what Xander would be working with, he knew his city. Xander suspected that the alarm had already gone off, and he'd be getting a visit from the Bat and/or associates soon enough.

Xander, on the other hand, knew exactly what he was working with. He also knew that keeping it secret from Ivy was marginally less likely than the Joker going straight and getting a job delivering Pizza. He silently released the sticking charm on his hand after clasping his arms behind his back.

"Yes, it's my… lab I suppose you could say." Xander said as his hand dropped to the floor behind him.

She glared at him, "You're experimenting on these poor helpless plants."

Xander almost choked at the very IDEA of Mandrakes being 'helpless', but managed not to laugh at her. That would be SUCH a bad idea. "Please, Miss Isley… I'm hardly torturing them, I've been working to bring some extinct species back from the dead."

Her glare lessened, though it hardly vanished. "Why?"

"Why? You have to ask?" Xander countered with a smile.

"Don't give me that," She stamped her foot, "You don't get the money a project like this needs without some reason considered 'important' to the rich fools who run this country."

"I don't know that I'd call Bruce Wayne a fool," Xander replied thoughtfully, "A bit of a stick in the mud, despite his playboy reputation, maybe."

"Wayne." She spat, "His company never does anything without a profit motive."

"In fairness," He went on, mostly just rambling as he tried to focus on getting his hand to where it needed to be. "Bruce Wayne is allowed to be generous, Wayne Tech isn't. It is a multinational corporation, after all, and has to answer to its investors. Still, is there something wrong with making money?"

"There is if you hurt plants to do it," She growled.

"Most plants aren't capable of feeling pain, as you are well aware." Xander rolled his eyes, "Nor are they sentient."

"Lies!" She took a half step toward him, and Xander flinched at the fury and magic that washed off her. It was raw, but it was certainly magic, and it was potent as hell.

"I never lie when the truth will do," He forced a smile, willing his hand to run faster across the floor. "Judging from the energy washing off you, however, I suspect you're connected to the Green."

She faltered, "Y… you know about the Green?"

"Mostly only in the theoretical." Xander answered honestly, shrugging. "It has several names, dozens really, in as many cultures. In modern culture it's mostly referred to as Gaia or the Green, the living soul of the planet. Theories vary, but range from a planetary Deity to a neural link between all plants, or possibly all living things."

He hid a wince as his hand slammed into a table leg, then jockeyed it to the left and sent it skittering along again.

"If you know that much, you should also know that the plants scream out in pain from the atrocities men commit." She snarled.

"More likely your mind is interpreting the 'loss' of plants as pain, because that's the only way you know how to understand what you're feeling." Xander countered calmly, "The human mind is limited, we can only process so many senses, and when we run into something we don't understand… the mind fills in the blanks the best it can. It's impossible for plants to feel pain, Ivy… unfortunately, it's very possible for you."

She fell back a step from him, stunned by the very suggestion.

Harley, who had been listening quietly, lifted a hand. "Is he right, Red? I mean… do you really feel like that? Like you're feeling the pain of all the plants that die?"

Xander's eyes darted sharply to the white grease paint covered woman, pupils widening as he realized something. This wasn't Harley Quinn speaking anymore, it was Harleen Quinzel, the psychologist.

Ivy nodded painfully. "Yes, Harley."

"Wow. I mean, Gee Red, it's no wonder you're a little off kilter."

Xander suppressed a wince. Calling your patient nuts was NOT standard therapy, maybe she was more Harley than Harleen after all.

Ivy, however, just smirked. "Coming from you, Harley, that's rich."

Harley just smiled, clasping her hands behind her as she leaned to one side. "You know me, Red. I gotta be me! It's what Puddin loves."

Both Ivy and Xander rolled their eyes at that, knowing that Joker didn't love anything. Wasn't capable of it, really.

"But seriously, Red, if that's true then…" Harley was thinking hard, face crunched up in thought. Suddenly her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped open, "Oh Red! That's awful!"

Harley was quivering in place, lips shuddering as her eyes widened and watered with tears.

"Harley, this isn't the time or place." Ivy warned, focusing on Xander. "As for you, I'll thank you to mind your own business."

"You're trespassing in my greenhouse, calling me the plant equivalent of Doc Mengele, I think it's my business." He said dryly.

She changed suddenly, cocking her hip and smiling at him. "Oh, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just SO interested in what you're doing here. Could you tell me all about it? Please?"

Xander watched her sashay toward him, and instantly threw up every Occlumency barrier he had. Her pheromone spores were interesting, affecting the body chemistry almost instantly, but Xander was able to lock off the rational part of his mind with the equivalent of airlock doors and kept his mind in control, instead of his primal instincts.

She walked up to hi, tracing a finger along his chin, and leaned close. He caught her hand quickly and stepped back, "No thanks. I prefer my kisses with less poison, thanks."

Icy reacted like he'd slapped her, pulling back. "Impossible. Even Batman is more affected than that, and he's the only one who can resist my spores!"

"What the Bat accomplishes with pure will power, I do with talent and training." Xander countered, "and since we've moved on to the hostility portion of the evening…"

He focused again on his hand, and caused it to plant itself palm down on the warding stone, bringing all the emergency wards up to full strength. In that instant, Ivy gasped and fell back, clutching her stomach.

"W… what did you do to me?" She gasped out, stumbling away from him.

He caught her before she fell, "Just activated the plant wards. You're more plant than I expected, don't worry, they're nonlethal and non-harmful. You'll be fine."

"I… I can't feel it." She said, eyes widening as the strength seeped from her.

"The wards suppress mobile plants with the equivalent of a tranquilizer," He said, "Your plant side is… asleep."

She glared at him, weakly pushing herself out of his arms and falling to her knees, "Let me go!"

Xander didn't get a chance to say anything before Harley made her presence known again.

"Let her go, you!"

Xander looked over and was surprised to see the costumed gal holding a big looking pistol. He blinked, "Where were you hiding THAT?"

"Never mind! Let Red go!" She growled, hands shaking.

"Now calm down…" Xander said, lifting his hands… well, hand, placatingly.

"No! You let her go or I'll… I'll…" She spun and squeezed the trigger, sending a gout of flame across the room.

Without being too explicit, Xander nearly crapped his pants as he hit the ground, rolled to his feet, and threw up his hands again.

"HARLEY!" He and Ivy screamed as one, "NO!"

Harley looked confused, "Red?"

"No flamethrowers in the greenhouse!" Xander yelled.

"You'll burn the plants!" Ivy added.

"B… but he's hurting you…" Harley again looked about to cry.

"I am not!" Xander objected.

"Are too!" Harley countered.

"Am Not!"

"Are too, Are Too, ARE TOO!"

"Am not to infinity!" Xander responded before he could stop himself, he then slapped himself in the face, "Oh god, she's contagious."

A smile played at the lips of Poison Ivy as she weakly got back to her feet. "She has that effect on people."

"Red?" Harley asked, voice quavering. "Are you sure you're ok?"

Ivy nodded slowly, "Yes, Harl. I'm weak, can't feel the green as strong, but I'm ok."

The flame thrower slowly lowered to point at the ground as Ivy glared at Xander.

"Don't think this is over," She glowered. "You may have won for now, but I'll be back."

Xander sighed, "You know if you'd just asked, I'd have told you all about my work here freely."

"What? Why?"

"Because you're probably one of the few people on the planet who can both appreciate it, and help me make it all come together." He answered simply.

* * *

The Batman overrode the security on one of the venting glasses that maintained the temperature of the large main greenhouse. The security alarm had gone off a few minutes earlier, attracting his attention. The place was quiet when he arrived, however, which could have been good or bad.

He landed softly on the ground, sweeping the area as he rose from a crouch.

Voices.

He moved in that direction, still annoyed over the loss of his surveillance gear in the area. The same night Harris moved into the facilities, every listening device he'd carefully planted the week prior had shorted out. For a while he'd gotten some information from the laser bounce mikes outside, but fast growing Kudzu vines kept growing into place to block those.

If he didn't know better, Batman would have sworn that the kid was Ivy's son.

A theory that wasn't exactly refuted when he made his way to the room with the voices and found the kid chatting up Ivy and Quinn.

"Heya Batsy!" Harley grinned, waving eagerly.

"Quinn." Batman growled, "Ivy. Harris, what are these two doing here?"

"There's this old invention, Belfry Boy," Harris smirked at him, "It's called a door. People use it to enter and leave buildings, I mean it's no window but I like them."

Batman ignored him, just continuing to glare at him. "Ivy. Quinn."

Xander rolled his eyes, "I opened an experimental greenhouse within a few miles of Gotham City, Bats. Exactly what delusions were you under that led you to believe Poison Ivy wouldn't figure it out?"

"You said you could contain the plants."

"And I did, but pollen is a bitch to contain. Even with the warding keeping viable material from leaving, some trace is going to get in the wind." Xander shrugged.

"What do you mean, keep viable material from leaving?" Ivy leaned forward, frowning.

"Do you have any idea how irresponsible it would be to let some of these plants out into the ecosystem?" Xander asked, "Kudzu would be the least of the state's problem if Mandrakes got out into the wild."

"I don't see the problem." Ivy smirked.

Xander rolled his eyes, "Kudzu kills more plants than any thousand humans, you should know that. It destroys the ground, strangles all indigenous plants, and generally makes a pain of itself. Mandrake's worse."

Ivy scowled, but nodded.

Xander didn't add that Mandrake also required more stringent growing environments than Kudzu, but that was information she didn't need in his opinion.

"My wards are solid," He shrugged, "Plant material can't leave the wards without being… sterilized."

There was a long moment of silence, then Ivy's eyes widened.

"What do you mean, sterilized?"

Xander shrugged apologetically, "What do I mean for you? I don't know, to be honest. They were never designed with someone like yourself in mind. Seeds, plants, spores and the like are all killed when they cross the ward line, however."

"You're saying that if Red leaves she's gonna…" Harley squealed, eyes wide as she drew her thumb across her throat and made a strangled sound.

"Possibly." Xander admitted.

"And you were going to tell me this, WHEN?" Ivy demanded.

"Hey, I didn't tell you to break into my home."

She folded her arms across her chest and glowered at him. "So this is your way of talking me into working with you?"

Batman shifted his attention to Xander, "Work with you? You are aware who this is, correct?"

"Of course. She's probably the most qualified person on the planet to help me do what I want to do here." Xander answered, "I assume you've intercepted the preliminary data I've sent to Wayne?"

Batman didn't bother nodded.

"Of course you have." Xander went on, smirking, "How many lives do you think Skele-grow will save?"

Batman remained silent. He'd read the report, as well as the screams of disbelief from his best researchers about the samples Harris had already sent up the pipeline. Fixing broken bones in moments was impressive enough, but the ability to completely replace them was something else entirely, opening an entirely new avenue for treating Myelomas, leukemias and lymphomas. Finding donors for bone marrow would no longer be a problem, the patient could grow their own. If it checked out, Bruce was planning on having several of his own bones removed and regrown. It would extend his ability to remain on the streets by several years or more by keeping him from developing arthritis from his various breaks and injuries of the past.

"Ivy's green thumb would speed things up significantly." Xander said, nodding to the woman in question. "So, Pamela… what do you want that I can provide?"

She glared at him, "You know what I want."

"Yes well, what I think we're negotiating is a matter of degree." Xander smiled, "It's not realistic, for example, to replace all of Gotham with a nature preserve."

"I'm not insane." She rolled her eyes.

Batman and Xander exchanged glances and Xander snorted.

"Hey!"

"Trust me, Red," Harley giggled, "I'm a shrink, remember? You're obsessive compulsive, with all KINDS of abandonment issues. In technical terms, you're nutty as a fruitcake."

"Thank you so much, Harl… Now BUTT out!"

"Don't worry about it, Pam," Xander smirked, "We're all nuts here."

Batman glared, clearing his throat.

"Oh don't even TRY to claim sanity, Belfry boy." Xander rolled his eyes. "You dress like a bat and swing around the city fighting crime. I don't need to be a shrink to know you have issues."

"Too right, Bats." Harley grinned. "I'd LOVE to get you on my couch for an hour."

Batman growled, trying to figure out how the conversation had taken this particular turn. It was one of the more surreal moments of his 'career', and there had been a few of those to qualify for the honor. On the surface of it, this was a nightmare. Ivy in a place with as many potentially dangerous plants as this place had… it was chilling.

The Batman wanted to haul her off to Arkham now, charge her with breaking and entering, criminal trespass, and whatever else was on the books for her. She and Quinn were among the more frustrating individuals he dealt with. The nature of the crimes, combined with their own personal psyche profiles, led to them being on the streets in months or less sometimes. In Gotham, if you didn't use a gun or some other deadly weapon, the courts didn't have time for you.

Most of the costumed crooks were either lifers like the Joker, who constantly broke out of Arkham, or were 'bouncers' like Ivy and Quinn… who the courts sent to Arkham for observation, and were released by the latest doctor to think he could rehabilitate them. Since, for all their creativity, neither were killers, the overworked criminal system rarely looked twice until the next crime.

Bruce Wayne, now he was another story. He had a soft spot for both Quinn and Isley, had often tried to get them to walk the straight and narrow, sometimes failing by the narrowest of margins. The idea of turning Poison Ivy into a valuable citizen appealed to him greatly, despite the Batman's misgivings.

It was a risk, however.

"We need to talk." Batman glowered, turning his focus to Harris.

"Yeah, I guessed as much." Xander said, getting up. He paused, nodding to his two 'guests', "Ladies."

Harley giggled as Ivy rolled her eyes, then Xander followed Batman's sweeping exit. Once they were out of earshot, the Bat turned back on him.

"Do you honestly believe this is a good idea?" He growled out.

Xander shrugged, "Honestly? I figure it's either this or kill her."

Batman stared blankly, actually stunned into involuntary silence. Finally his eyes narrowed, "I told you, we don't do that."

"My point," Xander said, rolling his eyes, "Is that realistically, she's going to get in here someday anyway. Is there any security in Gotham that's proven able to keep the costumed nutjobs out?"

Batman dearly wanted to refute that point, but had even had breaches in the Batcave on several occasions. Particularly embarrassing was when Catwoman managed to steal his utility belt with the universal remote, then managed to override the biometric security. Half his gear turned on him while she was playing with the controls.

"So," Xander went on, taking his silence for acceptance of the point. "I'd like to keep her where I can see her."

That sad part was, it was probably the best plan. Batman wanted to sigh so badly, but he refused to do so on principal alone. "Wayne won't like it."

"Ok, first, this is my project. Wayne is a minority partner," Xander growled, waving his finger at the bat, "That was the agreement we came to, remember?"

The Bat growled, "And second?"

"Second? Wayne's got a two by four up his ass, but he's realistic." Xander replied, suppressing the urge to smirk. "Reminds me of you, that way."

The Bat's eyes narrowed. He wanted to throw the little bastard up against the wall and interrogate him based on that comment, but several things kept him from acting. First, of course, was that if the kid was fishing for information then that would basically confirm it. Second, the point was valid. Realistically, Ivy was getting into this place sooner or later.

"Tell me again how good your security is."

"Depends," Xander shrugged, "By my standards? Pretty weak. I've only managed basic wards, most of them simple greenhouse based stuff. Nothing to keep out thieves or the like. That said, we're talking about security that would take some education to break, education that isn't available in this dimension. So, barring a brute force method, it's pretty secure."

"And those plant wards?"

"Pretty much foolproof." Xander confirmed. "They were designed as part of the Secrecy Statutes back home, you can't let any hint of magical flora into non-magical areas. They're time tested, I don't know what they'll do to Ivy with her biology though."

"So she's stuck in here?"

"Until I lower the wards or key her into them," Xander nodded, "Which I'll admit is easier said than done. Frankly, I don't think I can do it right now."

"You need your… wand?"

"Exactly." Xander nodded, "And the only way to drop those wards is to take them all down, which will take hours to do, then days to bring back up. She's stuck here until those Mandrake's mature and I can sanitize the area before bringing down the wards."

"And if she tries to cross on her own?"

"That I can't say." Xander said with a shake of his heads. "They could kill her, they could sterilize her so she can't have children, or they could remove her plant 'powers' if they only affect that part of her."

"Or they could do nothing at all."

"That's possible too."

"I don't like this." The Bat growled.

"So write your congressman, I've got work to do." Xander said, waving as he turned away. "I'll give Wayne a call, we'll work something out. You can go now."

The Batman watched him go, irritated and annoyed. There was something about this whole situation that just irritated the ever living hell out of him. He stepped back, pointing his grappler upward, and fired it. A moment later he was pulled into the air, leaving the greenhouse behind him.

* * *

Bruce Wayne arrived at the old LuthorCorp BioSphere project site early the next afternoon, stepping out of his classic Rolls and nodding to Alfred.

"Do be careful, Sir."

"Don't worry, Alfred. I suspect they'll be on their best behavior."

"Yes, well do try and match them."

Bruce shot him a dark look, but had to smirk for a moment before he stepped up to the entrance. The doors were an airlock setup, with a negative pressure to keep material inside. He was impressed with the lengths his young business partner was taking, despite having the full specs. Unlike many of the people he dealt with, Harris had volunteered to enact more security than had been required.

He was met just inside by the man in question, and they swiftly shook hands.

"Mr. Wayne, welcome to my little piece of the world."

"Thank you, Mister Harris." Bruce said personably, forcing a smile. "I understand from your message that you had a break in last night?"

"Yes, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn."

"That's not reassuring. Did they get away with anything?"

Xander smiled, amused. "That would imply that they left."

"They're still here?" Bruce forced surprise into his voice.

"My security is designed to keep plants in, and Miss Quinn didn't want to leave her friend." Xander went on airily as he led Bruce through the facility. "Actually, I want to speak with you about offering Ivy a place here."

"She belongs in Arkham, Mr. Harris."

"Xander, please."

"Only if you call me Bruce."

Xander couldn't help but skip a little, fighting down the urge to laugh maniacally. On first name basis with Bruce Freaking Wayne!

"Of course, Bruce. And, as to Ivy, well Arkham can't exactly hold her can it?"

"So your solution is to keep her in a place with as many dangerous plants as you've been able to culture here?" Bruce demanded incredulously.

"She's far above me in her horticultural skills, and the things she can bring to the project are… practically infinite."

"So is the damage she could inflict with half of what you have in here."

"Really? More than she manages on her own?"

Bruce had to give him that point, he supposed. Ivy was a one woman overnight tropical jungle. "That still doesn't make it a good idea to HELP her with her crime sprees."

"Of course not, but what if we offer her something she can't get on her own?"

"Such as?"

"Real change. National, even global, change for a greener planet." Xander said, "Just improving car exhaust requirements by a few points worldwide will bring about more positive change than all her capers could combined."

"That is a big order." Bruce said seriously.

"True, but you could pull it off. That and a lot more."

"Maybe, but why should I?"

"Because I could help Wayne Enterprises dominate several markets," Pamela Isley said as she entered the room. She and Xander had been up all night talking, and while she wasn't sure it would work she had to admit that he had a point. Even a small change, globally, would make all of her local plans look like grains of sand on a beach.

She didn't have that kind of power, but Wayne did.

"Go on," Bruce said, not showing any sign of intimidation as he smiled easily at her.

"I can bring advanced fertilizers to the table, in addition to what I do with Xander here." She said, "Clean, non-toxic plant enhancers, new strains of food crops. Enough to feed billions. I wasn't planning on sharing anything that helped factory farming, but I'll do it in exchange for your help promoting real change."

Wayne nodded slowly, he had several departments working hard to figure out how she did what she did for just those reasons. If Isley was willing to share, Wayne Enterprises could indeed lock up several markets they were currently competing hard in. He steepled his hands, "What do you want from me?"

She took a breath, "I want your political influence. Start making laws that protect natural areas, make it more illegal to dump toxins… help me bring down companies that break those laws. Being fined a million dollars for illegally dumping materials that cost a billion to store is NOT a solution…"

"I agree," Bruce nodded seriously. "But are you willing to work within the laws we have, until we can make new ones?"

Pamela hesitated, then nodded jerkily. "If I must…"

She glared at Bruce after a moment, however, "But if I learn you're stonewalling me…"

"Ivy." Xander growled. "Don't threaten the billionaire. Not so openly anyway."

Bruce threw a smirk in Xander's direction, then back at Pamela. "He's right, you know. Threats across the boardroom table have to be subtle, or at least not illegal."

Ivy sighed, "I'm new at this 'inside the system' concept."

Bruce was studying her as she spoke, her mannerisms, her facial expressions. As far as he could tell, she was serious about the idea. It didn't mean that she wouldn't flip out later, but for now she was honestly behind the idea.

"Change won't come fast." He warned, "You'll have to give up that idea right now. The sorts of things you want won't happen overnight."

She nodded, sitting down in a nearby chair. "I know. I know, and I'm tired of trying. I just want people to see how important it is."

"I think… we can do something about that." Bruce said slowly.

He made a decision then, nodding to Xander, "Alright. I'll talk to the Commissioner and the Mayor. I think we can work something out."

"Thank you."

"Hey! What about me!?" Harley called from the next room, where she had been eaves dropping.

"Miss Quinn." Bruce smiled slightly in her direction as she appeared.

"Hiya Brucy!"

He shook his head fondly. He had done a lot, trying to help Harleen straighten out her life. She was always right on the cusp of the line between law and disorder. If not for the Joker, Bruce knew he could get her back to the right side of that line.

"As I understand it, you're on probation now?"

"Uh huh." She nodded vigorously.

"Well, if you'd like a job, I'm sure Xander here could find a place for you."

"Oh sure, stick me with the ADD hyper kinetic nutcase."

"Hey!"

"Better you than me," Bruce grinned widely.

"Hey!"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

Barbara Gordon sighed as she killed the engine on her bike and kicked the stand down as she dismounted. Ever since Bruce Wayne entered into a deal with Harris he'd had them doing extra patrols around the old biosphere labs he'd setup in.

Once Ivy and Quinn moved in, they tripled those same patrols.

Some days she felt like she may as well move in herself, she spent enough time in the area to feel like she lived there sometimes. Once, sometimes twice a night she did the same thing. Ditch the bike, hike around the big greenhouse domes, make sure that Harris hasn't been turned into plant food or hyena chow, then one more time around the perimeter and back to the bike to head home.

The lights were on this time, not unusual since it seemed that Harris liked to work at night, or maybe just suffered from the same insomnia that plagued Batman.

She paused by one of the domes, looking in. Harris was there, back on to her, with Harley and Pamela Isley sitting around a table.

Well, he wasn't plant food or hyena chow at least.

She turned to head back to her bike, took a step, and squealed in shock as her feet were yanked out from under her.

* * *

Xander raised an eyebrow as one of Ivy's vines slithered across the floor, dragging a clawing costumed crusader into the center of the room, then strung her up by her heels. As Batgirl swung there, he looked over at Ivy curiously.

"Redecorating?" He asked dryly.

She sniffed, "Hardly. Rather tasteless décor, a yellow bat? Really?"

"Hey!" The redhead growled, "I'm not taking fashion advice from someone in green leotard… hey, where are your clothes?"

"And you're a detective, love?" Ivy rolled her eyes, shifting her legs so Batgirl could clearly see the bare flesh of her legs leading up to the light green panties she wore. "You're interrupting poker night, unless you'd like to join? We could use a fourth."

Barbara looked around the table, noting that Harley was down to her floppy belled cap and underwear, while Ivy still had her top, but had lost her leggings and shoes. Harris, on the other hand, still had his jeans and shoes, but was bare chested.

He was solidly built, she realized. More so than Dick, who had more of a gymnast or swimmers physique. Harris had a fighter's body, powerful upper chest with muscles that, while not ripped, were solidly formed and powerfully evident. He looked more like Bruce, she realized.

"Well Batsy gal?" Harley cocked her head to one side, "You want in, or can we deal the next round?"

"Huh?" She managed to mumble, stunned and confused as she continued to swing upside down.

Xander sighed, "I think you better let her down, Pam. She's looking a little red in the face."

"I don't think that has anything to do with her being upside down." Ivy smirked, yet waved casually to the plant.

Batgirl tensed for a drop, but was surprised to feel the vine lower her softly to the ground and unwrap itself from her leg. As she got up and brushed herself off, she couldn't help but sneak more looks at the table.

"You sure you don't want in on this?" Ivy asked, "I mean, if you're going to stare anyway and all."

"What? No!" Batgirl sputtered, "I don't want to play strip poker with you!"

"Too bad," Harley smirked, "I'd love to win that cowl."

Xander snorted, "Harley, luv, just what do you think you own that you could put up to match what her cowl is worth?"

Harley Quinn blinked, considering, then slumped in her seat. "I see your point."

"How… I mean, why… I mean…" Batgirl stammered out, finally blurting, "Strip poker? Really?"

Ivy sighed, laying down her hand. "You have been told that I'm stuck in here until the Mandrakes mature? And that even after that I'm going to be considered under 'house arrest' of sorts, and won't be able to just leave whenever I want to afterwards, right?"

Batgirl nodded dumbly.

"Well, darling," Ivy rolled her eyes, "It gets dreadfully dull in here with these two."

"Hey!" Harley straightened up, "I'm a lot of things, Pam, but I'm NEVER dull!"

"Right." She replied dryly, shaking her head, "Anyway, Harley suggested poker."

"Fine, but STRIP poker!?" Batgirl demanded.

"We are bad girls, batgirl." Ivy smirked.

"Actually it has more to do with the fact that poker is horrifically boring if you don't play for stakes," Xander said with a shrug. "And these two are kinda broke, so I made a joke…"

"And I thought it was a GREAT idea!" Harley cheered.

"Which shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did," Xander sighed, tossing his own hand down. "You alright?"

"I'm fine." Batgirl said sourly, "Since when did you lay traps around the perimeter though?"

"Since the vines matured this morning," Ivy shrugged, "If I'm going to live here I reserve the right to put in some… homey touches."

"As long as they stay out of my labs." Xander growled.

"Of course, I know the deal." Ivy rolled her eyes, "Besides, you've charmed all those areas."

"Warded."

"Right. That." She said airily.

"What does that mean?" Batgirl asked suspiciously.

"Oh, you know, he did his mojo thing to keep Red's plants out." Harley filled in.

"I thought you couldn't do magic without your wand," Batgirl glared at Xander, hands on her hips.

"I can't do most magic," Xander shrugged, "Or almost any tactical spells. I can do warding and runic work, but it takes a long time to charge those without a wand. Some of my wards are barely starting to come online now, others are still a long way from a decent charge."

"How does that work anyway?" She asked uncertainly, "I mean… you seemed to do some magic when we met."

"Apparition is a form of body magic," Xander told her, "You don't need a focus for it unless you're really weak since the body is the focus, supposedly. I can do that and a few other body magic tricks, stuff like enhanced strength and speed, but I've got no stamina for them really, just good for short bursts."

"Aww, I'm sorry to hear that," Harley pouted, "Stamina is so important too."

Xander spared her a glare, "I doubt I'd need enhanced speed and strength to handle anything you'd want stamina from me for."

"Ooo! Is that a promise?"

"Enough!" Batgirl cut the flirting off, really not needing that in her mind at the moment. "So you can do magic without a wand?"

"Yeah, just nothing much if I need fast results." Xander shrugged, "Back home a wand is what defines a Wizard like me. Without it, we're just normal people mostly. We're usually stronger and healthier than others, and we can max out our fitness level in ways that non magicals can't dream of, but the wand… the wand, well the closest thing I can compare it to is the invention of gunpowder. It was a game changer, it shaped the entire world in ways few people realized."

Barbara was beginning to forget the surreal situation she was in, her growing curiosity causing her to ignore the various states of undress the others were in as she talked and listened.

"Batman doesn't trust magic or magic users," She said, frowning. "Says that they're dangerous."

"Batman doesn't trust anyone if he can help it," Xander countered with a smirk, "Though he's right on the second point. We are dangerous."

"So join the club," Harley rolled her eyes, "And can we get back to the game already?"

"I'm not stripping for bystanders, Harl." Ivy sniffed, "The game is on hold until Batgirl leaves, or gets dealt in."

"Don't even think about it." Batgirl growled, cutting Harley off.

"Party pooper."

Xander couldn't help but smile at the, admittedly insane girl's pout. He found himself liking Harley, despite her choice of costumes and general lifestyle. She was, as he had noted before, an unholy combination of Wednesday, Buffy, and Luna… all whirled into one completely devastating package.

She never failed to amuse him, and rarely failed to frighten him. It was a familiar sensation.

"Anyway," He spoke up, directing his attention back to the Bat gal, "magic is dangerous, so you should listen to the big bad bat on that point. So much of magic is based on will and intent that humans generally make very poor wizards. Trust me."

"I don't get it." Batgirl replied, confused.

"Probably ninety percent of what goes on in our brains is subconscious," Xander explained, "and that goes to intent. A lot of the time a human barely knows his conscious mind, let alone what goes on beneath. You ever meet a magical person who doesn't need a wand, watch out. Unless they're trained like nobody's business they're a major threat."

"But why?"

"Isn't it obvious, darling?" Ivy spoke up, "their subconscious can affect their magic."

"Bingo." Xander nodded, "And we all have a dark side. That's why a lot of people believe that magic is a corrosive force, even though it isn't really. It's just pervasive, unless you have perfect control, it'll tap into your darkest thoughts and… well, we're dangerous."

She took a half step back, "But you…"

"Oh, I'm not powerful enough for that to be a threat." Xander waved off her fears. "I need a focus, and have to pour my will and intent into each spell. That means that my subconscious can't get involved, so I'm only as dangerous as I want to be."

"Delusional, like all men." Ivy countered, rolling her eyes.

Xander smirked, but didn't rise to the bait. "Suffice to say, without a wand I'm not as effective as I normally would be. The bat has a point, though. Watch out for magicians, they're not to be trusted easily. Magic itself, well magic doesn't really exist."

Batgirl blinked, "Huh?"

He grinned, "Ok, magic exists but not in the way you think."

"I'm confused, Red." Harley muttered.

"You're not the only one." Batgirl grabbed a chair from the table and straddled it. "What are you talking about?"

"Most people see a spell and think that's magic, right?"

"Yeah, I'm with you so far…"

"That's not magic." Xander shook his head. "A spell is just energy, and Energy is energy. There's no difference between a lightning bolt and a taser, they're both electricity and they're both going to put you on your ass."

"So what, pray tell, is magic?" Ivy asked curiously.

"Magic is the connection… the moment in time when mind meets matter, and matter bows in submission." Xander said seriously, expression pensive. "We did a lot of research back home, and my friends and I pretty much concluded that magic is just an application of High Energy Physics, and Chemistry in the case of Potions and Alchemy. You can do it all with technology, once you figure out how. Magic just lets some people cut out the middleman."

Barbara shook her head, "I don't know if it's cause I'm catching crazy from you guys, but that kinda makes sense."

Xander smirked, "I should object, but hey… we're all crazy here."

"Yup, Yup." Harley nodded eagerly.

Ivy sighed, rolling her eyes, "So they tell me."

"Speak for yourselves…"

"Says the girl dressed like a Bat." Xander finished with a smirk.

Barbara flushed, "Hey! There are good, logical reasons for the way I dress!"

"Sure," Harley nodded, holding her hand up as she started to tick off fingers, "Hero worship, Brand Identity, Intimidation, You think you look really hot in that costume…"

"She does," Xander said, shrugging, "Just for the record."

"Duly noted," Harley deadpanned before going on, "but in the end it still comes down to the fact that you swing around the city using equipment that would make adrenaline junkies go white with fear to fight super criminals while the police watch from the sidelines."

"Hey! Not all the cops sit around watching!" Batgirl snarled, actually angry.

"I'll vouch for that," Xander agreed, "Gordon kicks ass. He's got a dick in his unit who seems willing to step up too, though like I said, the guy's a dick."

"Oh the Commish is great," Harley nodded, "But most of the force are useless at best. If even half the coppers were half as good as the Commish, Mistah J and I would have moved to another city AGES ago. My point is that you've gotta have one screw a half turn too tightly wound, and two more that are three quarters loose to do what you do. The whole bat pack is nutso, girl. You're just a different kind of nutso."

"True," Xander nodded, "true."

"You're not helping!" Batgirl snarled at him.

"Was I supposed to be?" He asked, genuinely puzzled.

* * *

Later that night Xander shivered in his bed, propping one eye open, then groaned and rolled over.

"Get out." He growled into his pillow.

"Strip Poker."

"No I'm not inviting you to the next game, get out."

The Batman growled, stepping out of the shadows. "Quinn is a very suggestible…"

Xander rolled over and glared as he sat up, "You can NOT seriously be playing the protective big brother card on me."

Batman glared back, "I won't have you taking advantage of either of them."

"They're big girls, Bats." Xander groaned as he pushed out of bed and grabbed a pair of pants from the floor. "Kick your ass more than a couple times from what I hear."

"That's not relevant."

"No, what's relevant is that this is my bloody damned home, you black clad terror monger," Xander snapped, buckling his pants and turning on the Bat. He strode toward him, jabbing a finger into the armored bat symbol on the man's chest. "You don't come breaking into my frigging BEDROOM and bitching at me like a whiny school marm because I don't live by your damned ethics."

The Batman was surprised by the verbal assault and took a step back before rallying, "You've been entrusted with Ivy's parole, that's a position of responsibility…"

"And if that was the fucking problem you wanker, you'd have come by while I was awake!" Xander countered, now yelling. "Or sent the bloody cops! You know, the people whose job it fucking is?"

"Listen…"

"No, you fucking listen," Xander cut off the Bat with a slash of his hand, "I am not one of your costumed lunatics, on either side of the line. I'm a private fuckin citizen living as legal a life as I can. You do NOT break into my bloody bedroom over a game of strip freakin POKER."

The Bat glared at him in silence.

"Now get the hell out and don't come back until daylight." Xander growled, then pointedly glared back at the costumed figure in his bedroom. "I mean it, Belfry boy. I'm putting a bloody blade under my pillow from now on, and I'll cut the first bugger who wakes me for no good reason. OUT!"

The batman growled, but extended his arm out and fired his piton out the window. A moment later he was gone.

Xander rolled his eyes, then smirked. "Ok, I'm moving my bedroom into the basement."

A squeak from the door alerted him to guests, and he half turned to see Ivy and Harley peaking in through a crack in the barely opened door. "Enjoy yourselves?"

The door burst open and Harley cartwheeled in, laughing, "Oh that was GREAT! I've never seen anyone take on the Bat like that!"

"I'd bet he gets it a lot, just mostly from Batgirl and Nightwing." Xander countered with a smirk. "Relax, it was really no big deal. He wasn't going to do anything."

"Huh?" Harley blinked.

"I'm brave, Harl, but not that brave." Xander laughed, "If the Bat was here to fight, I'd have apparated the hell out of here, double time. He was just trying to intimidate me, he had no intention of doing anything else unless I was dumb enough to swing on him or something."

"Then why were you so angry?" Ivy asked, curious.

"You have to draw a line with men like that," Xander responded, "otherwise they walk all over you in pursuit of the 'greater good'. I was just making the line damned clear."

"Aww." Harley pouted, "Here I was thinkin maybe you were eyeing the fun side of the law."

Xander spared her a sideways glare, then rolled his eyes. "Don't get me wrong. Batman is a guy I'll back up when the crap hits the fan, I'm just not willing to let him jump my shit in peacetime just cause he thinks we all need a stick that big up our ass."

"It's a start." Ivy smirked, turning to leave with a sashay in her step.

Xander laughed, "I'm just lucky you didn't talk Batgirl into that game, that would really have got his Kevlar undies in a twist."

"Oh! Ooh! Let's do that next time!" Harley grinned.

Ivy sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Right," Xander replied dryly, putting on a loose shirt. "Anyway, I'm up now so I'm going to get some work done."

* * *

"So…" Nightwing let the word drawl out slowly, knowing it would drive his companion up the proverbial wall. "Strip poker is it?"

Batgirl sighed, already regretting having let slip that little point during the previous night's briefing. "I wasn't playing."

"No, you were all tied up at the time." He grinned at her.

"Listen Buster," Batgirl turned, putting a finger under his chin, "Just keep it up if you really want to piss me off."

He wisely backed off, hands up in supplication, but the grin on his face told her that he was anything but repentant. "Sorry, sorry. I'll let it drop."

"You better."

Nightwing chuckled, shaking his head. After a long moment he spoke up again, "So you say they were looking for a fourth, huh?"

Batgirl snapped her head over to stare at him, jaw dropping. "You can't be suggesting what I think you're suggesting…"

He shrugged, "Ivy and Harley are pretty hot."

"I can't believe you." She growled icily.

"Relax," he laughed, "I'm not going to play a game of strip poker with two arch villains."

He tapped his mask, smirking, "Secret identity, remember?"

She sighed, reluctantly responding, "Actually, they were willing to spot me the cowl."

He burst into laughter, trying to muffle it so no one would notice them perched on the corner of the building. "Of course they were."

Batgirl huffed, "They said that none of them had anything that could match the buy in it would be worth, if you must know."

That brought him up short, his laughter trailing off until he finally nodded. "That's… oddly realistic."

"Shhh… I see them."

Nightwing shifted his attention down to the street where Penguin and his two accomplices were exiting the building they'd been watching.

"Nightwing to Batman, the bird just flew the coop."

"Batman here," The low voice came back over the radio, "I'm on my way."

The two vigilantes glanced at each other, then fired off their grapplers and swung off the building and into pursuit.

* * *

"Whatcha doin?"

Xander sighed, not looking up. He knew that Harley was hanging off the door frame, leaning far into the room. "Working."

"On what?"

"Magic."

"With a computer?"

"Yeah, sort of." Xander replied, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. "With that, actually."

Harley looked into the room where a big machine with lots of flashing lights was whirring away. "Ooooh! Pretty!"

She ran over, draping herself across the machine as she looked past the plexiglass shielding around it. "What is it?"

"A Wayne enterprises prototype extruder."

"What's that?"

God, Xander groaned. It was like having a four year old in the room. He took a moment, centering himself, then let out his breath again.

"It's a 3D prototyping machine that can create pretty much anything you can imagine." Xander replied, "As long as you imagine it in Polycarbonate plastic, hot glue, or aluminum."

"Ohhh… neat. What ya building?"

"I'm trying to rebuild one of my old tools," Xander frowned, "But it won't work in brass, unfortunately."

"Aww… so it won't work?"

Xander shrugged, "It's extruding an aluminum mold from powdered aluminum oxide, so I'll cast the device in molten brass and bronze later. Right now I'm laser etching runes into the mold."

"Oooh! What do those do?"

He just resisted the urge to slam his head into the keyboard. "They make magic."

"Ohhhh…." Harley bobbed her head, "That's cool."

Xander sighed. He liked Harley, he really did, but she drove him up the wall some times. That said, it suddenly occurred to him that she might be able to help with part of the project.

"Harl…"

"Yeah, X?"

"I need some help," He said, turning around. "The wards don't have enough power, and I can't charge them without a wand…"

"Right…" She drawled slowly, "But I don't know any magic types, really, so how can I help?"

"While finding some magical creatures would be great, I was thinking about something else." Xander said, thinking about part of the ward work he'd put into place out of habit, but not really paid much attention to because it was so commonplace back home.

"Ok, I'm listening." She said, hopping up on the desk beside him and perching there, cross legged.

"Do you know anyone with electrical powers?" He asked.

She frowned, "Why?"

"Well, the lightning wards are in place, but we haven't had any thunderstorms, which is one reason why I haven't gotten the full wards charged." Xander said, "Those wards can be used to charge the whole system, and will make it a lot easier to work with magic inside them."

"Hummm…" She said, slowly smiling. "I think I know JUST the person."

Xander felt a chill, "I don't like that smile."

"Oh, you'll LOVE her, X…" Harley smirked, "She's a real… Live Wire."

* * *

Nightwing winced, eying the Penguins goons where they were laying on the ground. He was glad he wasn't on their side tonight. Apparently the Penguin himself was in agreement as he swing upside down, suspended by the Batline.

"Waaa. Gee Bats, you think maybe you overdid it a little?" The short man asked, "Usually you, you know, let them fight back a little."

"Shut it." The Bat growled, cuffing the unconscious henchmen before standing up and glancing at the police lights in the distance. "Time to go."

As the Bat swung off, Penguin twisted around to look at Batgirl and Nightwing.

"What's got his shorts in a twist?"

Nightwing shrugged, "Dunno. You do anything to tick him off lately?"

"Hey! I resent that!" The Penguin objected, still hanging there. "I'm a respectable citizen."

Batgirl and Nightwing raised their eyebrows as they looked at him.

"Most of the time." Penguin sighed.

"You don't think he's ticked about Ivy and Harley do you?" Batgirl asked Nightwing.

Nightwing frowned, "Nah. What does he care if they play strip poker with you?"

"That NOT what I meant!" Batgirl screeched, swinging at Nightwing as he jumped back. "And I didn't play! They just invited me I told you!"

"Yeah, yeah," Nightwing grinned, pulling out his piton launcher and firing it into the air.

Batgirl growled as he swung away, then turned on the Penguin who was leering at her.

"Not ONE WORD." She growled, causing him to lift his hands placatingly.

"I am a Gentleman, Madam." He said, with remarkable decorum considering his position. "I would never presume…"

"You better not." She growled, firing her own launcher into the air and vanishing into the night.

Penguin swing for a few more moments, leer reappearing on his face as he enjoyed the imagery as the cops skidded to a halt and jumped out of their cars.

"What an image to take to prison with me," He sighed. "Harley, Ivy, and the Bat Brat… If Catwoman joined them it would be the perfect foursome."

* * *

Thick asbestos and nomex gloves were a poor substitute for Dragon hide, but they did the job for Xander as he poured the molten Bronze into the first mold. If he was right, his laser etched runes should make the entire device even more sturdy than the versions he'd made in his home dimension, but it would be a little while before he could be certain.

Before than he had to prepare the second part of the three part system he'd developed, a second mold received its fill of the molten metal, then Xander settled both carefully into the facilities cool room while he went back to work on the third part.

This wasn't metallic, but rather glass powdered with silver. That is, a hand built mirror. Not really as good as modern tolerances, but he didn't need it to shave with. The rectangular glass sheet was about seven inches on the diagonal, cut to a sixteen to nine ratio. He'd had laser etched runes painstakingly cut into the edges of the glass around the entire sheet.

He really hoped it worked, since he'd invested more money than he technically had into getting the equipment to put this together. His latter day devices weren't like his old Spell Phones and wands, the detail work needed to put them together was basically impossible to do by hand, and he didn't have the base equipment to build the tools he'd used originally.

So he was slumming it with Wayne's multimillion dollar fabricator, hoping the machine would be good enough to match up with the stuff he kept in his garage back home.

Xander couldn't help it, he was giggling helplessly as he set the glass sheet aside, now having nothing to do but wait for the molds to finish cooling.

Ivy found him in the arboretum, feet up on one of her vine trees, with the morning paper in hand as he read about the Penguin's capture. She eyed his feet for a long moment, then sighed and waved her hand. The vines bucked upward, throwing Xander back as his chair tipped over.

He hit the ground rolling, but vanished with a sharp crack that startled her. Ivy barely had time to register that he'd vanished before a second crack snapped from behind her and Xander finished his roll by taking her legs out from under her, bringing her down in a tangled pile directly on top of him.

She growled from her place on the ground as she felt him grip her calves and part her legs so he could look up at her from between them.

"So," Xander smirked cheerfully, "What have we learned this morning?"

Ivy growled again, tightening her legs around his head in an attempt to strangle him for his presumption.

"YEOOOW!" She screamed, bolting to her feet in an instant of dexterity that would have shocked her if she'd been able to consider it. She stared at her leg for a moment, noting the red marks forming, then back at the smirking… MAN… on the floor. "You BIT me!"

His grin was eerie reminiscent of the Joker as he got up, "You have had all your shots, right?"

"Have YOU?"

"I guess we'll see if you turn into a Were Xander at the next full moon." He shrugged entirely unrepentantly. "Now, about this morning's lesson…"

"My plants are NOT foot rests!"

"Tsk, tsk," He wagged his finger at her, "Obviously we have much work to do."

She glared at him in an increasingly fury as he turned his back on her and walked away mumbling to himself.

"Let's see… Start with Emily Post, or maybe just skip to the Narcissa Malfoy school of manners… decisions decisions…"

Ivy glared after him, debating whether to sick a few of her babies on him, but knew it was pointless while they were under the plant wards.

"Ugh." She ground out. "He's such a… MAN."

Ivy really couldn't have been more surprised or, *ahem*, 'shocked'… when a bolt of lightning seemed to come out of the ceiling and unerringly zapped her in the right butt cheek. She screeched and jumped, hands cradling her injured body part.

"I think we'll go straight to the big leagues. Narcissa Malfoy's manners for a pureblood scion it is…" Xander's voice wafted in from the other room.

Pamela Isley groaned from the floor, where she was kneeling with her backside in the air, face pressed into the ground as she rubbed her scorched ass.

"What the HELL was that."

Zap.

"YEOOWWWW!"

"Language, Pam!"

"You son of a…!"

ZAP!

"AIIEEEEEEE!"

"Hey Quinn…"

"Yeah?"

"Is it just me or is Isley looking a little… frazzled?"

"Yeah, come to think of it…" Harley frowned, eyeing her friend from across the room. She wasn't stupid enough to go over there give the dark cloud that almost LITERALLY was floating over Ivy's head. "Did you send a zap ahead of us or something?"

Leslie Willis, better known by her nom de guerre of Live Wire, held up her hands and shook her head. "Nuh uh! Wasn't me."

"She sure looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket to me."

"Yeah… uh, are we going over there?"

Harley looked at her like she was batty. "Are you stupid or something? You ever see what Pam can make her plants do? I'm crazy, Wire, not stupid. Come on, let's find X."

"Sure nuff, Quinn."

They found 'X' in the lower levels of the facility, leaning over a work bench as he pieced something together with jeweler's tools.

"Be with you in a sec, Harley." He said, not looking up. "Oh, tell your friend not to use her powers inside the wards, will you?"

"Why not?" Wire demanded challengingly.

"Because I don't know how the lighting wards will react to you," came the response. "They're designed to absorb lightning and convert it directly to magic. They might be able to suck you in and if they do that, I doubt you'd be able to survive… not as yourself anyway."

Wire actually managed to go even paler than her normal look, which was an accomplishment for someone with the complexion of Casper. "W… what?"

"Just listen to him, sparky." Harley advised her, "This place is all kinds of freaky."

"And you brought me here WHY?"

"Because I asked her to." X said, straightening up as he pushed away the large lens he'd been looking through and picked up the object he was working on. "I have a job I want to offer you."

She smirked at him, "You need something knocked over or blown away?"

"Charged up, actually." Xander said, "but let's take this outside and away from the wards. I don't want you discharging into them until we're sure it won't, you know, convert your component atoms to magic."

"Is this guy for real?" Wire asked Harley, who just shrugged as she blew a bubble and snapped her gum.

"Define real, Sparky."

"That's possibly the sanest thing I've heard you say, Harley…" Xander said as he walked past them, pausing for a moment, "And isn't THAT a scary thought."

* * *

"Ok, we're outside," Wire said, tapping her foot and incidentally zapping the grass. "What's the job?"

"I want you to charge this." Xander said, holding up the object he'd been working on.

"What is it?"

"Hopefully?" He shrugged, "The latest generation of Spell Phone."

"Of WHAT?"

"Spell Phone."

"Tell me he didn't just call it something that stupid." Wire deadpanned to Harley.

"No can do, Sparky." Harley grinned, "I said he's cool, not that he's imaginative."

Wire sighed, "Ok, what's the catch?"

"The catch is that it uses a similar rune configuration as the lighting wards inside, just smaller." Xander shrugged, "Shouldn't be able to handle all of you, but there's a risk."

She scowled, "And if it tries to suck me in?"

He produced a large mallet and handed it to Harley, "She busts it."

"Goody!" Harley grinned, twirling the weapon.

"Oh joy. You want me to put my life in the hands of Psycho Jr over there."

"Hey!" Harley hit the mallet behind her back, leaning over and sticking her tongue out at Live Wire. "I'll have you know that I'm NOT a Psycho. I'm a schizophrenic with an obsessive compulsive disorder… I mean, I'm a girl in love."

"Same thing in my experience." Xander said dryly.

Both of them glared at him, and Wire sparked her fingers dangerously.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Xander said calmly.

"Why? You said we're outside your 'wards'."

"No, YOU'RE outside the wards." Xander nodded to the ground between them, "I'm inside. The line is there."

"Say I don't believe you?" She challenged.

He shrugged, "Then we move right on to the main test, and I see if you can charge the wards for the entire facility… and if you survive it."

She scowled, but said nothing more. Harley on the other hand was tip toeing up behind Xander, mallet in hand and held over her head for a power strike.

Xander held up his hand, "Do you REALLY want to see what I have in store for you, Harley?"

Harley Quinn paused, not moving an inch as she pondered that. "Are you behind whatever is happening the Pam?"

"Her lessons? Yup."

"Lessons?" Harley's stomach sank.

"Yeah, Pammy needs to learn manners, comportment, you know… how to act like a LADY."

"EWWWW!" Harley let the mallet drop to the ground. "I'll be good."

"If the preliminaries are over, can we move on?" Xander asked.

"What's charging this thing worth to you, and why don't you just plug it into the wall?"

"In reverse order, I could but 220 volts would take forever to charge this thing… even a trunk line doesn't deliver the raw power I need, and let's start with ten grand for this test and we'll see from there." Xander answered, "I'm not sure what a fair price is, cause frankly I don't know how much this is going to take. We'll negotiate further experiments based on this one."

Live Wire nodded slowly, then looked at Harley. "Pick up the hammer, clown girl. If I look like I'm getting sucked into this thing, turn it to dust."

"Yes Ma'am!" Harley saluted as she put the hammer to his shoulder, standing to attention.

Xander rolled his eyes, setting the spell phone down outside the wards. "Alright, Sparks. Do your stuff."

Wire scowled at him, but focused on the device. "Just blast it? You sure?"

He nodded, "It can take it."

"Fair nuff." She said, gathering her energy before blasting it into the device in a crackling explosion of power.

"Whoa." Harley blinked, taking a step back.

The lightshow went on for a few seconds, Wire's face becoming drawn and tense shortly in, until suddenly she cut off and stumbled back.

"Damn. I thought it was never going to charge up." She muttered, "It was like a bottomless pit for a while there."

Xander knelt down and picked up the spell phone, examining it closely for a long moment. He found nothing wrong to the eye, so he grasped the two bronze grips and pushed them together. They collapsed in on each other, seemingly absorbing the mirrored glass between them until the entire nine inch wide device was less than an inch across.

"Hey cool!" Harley said, looking over his shoulder, "Where'd the screen thingy go?"

"Magical space." Xander answered absently, checking the Protean controls. "I based this model off of a TV show called Earth Final Conflict."

He smirked, "Gene Rodenberry always came up with the coolest communications toys."

"Who?"

That startled Xander out of his reverie as he turned wide eyed to Harley, "You've never heard of Gene Rodenberry?"

"Nope. Who's that?"

"Star Trek!?"

"Is this a hero thing?" She asked, a finger to her lips as she pondered, "Sounds like something GL might be involved in."

Xander groaned. He really needed to check out what passed for pop culture in this insano dimension.

"Hey, are you alright, Sparky?" Harley suddenly blurted, noting that Wire was on the ground.

"Hmm…" Xander frowned. "Took more power than I hoped."

He pocketed his new Spell Phone and knelt down, picking her up. "Ok, let's get her to bed."

"Ooh, kinky. Don't you think you should wait for her to wake up first?"

Xander studiously ignored Harley as he walked back into the facility.

* * *

Later that night Xander was sitting in his favorite chair, looking out over the Gotham lights that lay in the distance. His hands shook slightly as he picked up the charged Spell Phone and slid it open. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a long moment, then casually adjusted the dials with his thumb.

"Willow." He said softly.

The device chirped to life, the mirror going black as it tried to connect. He waited for a long moment, but nothing happened.

"Willow." He said again.

Another long moment, still nothing.

Xander sighed, leaning back. After a moment he adjusted the dials again, shaking his head.

"Wednesday."

The screen went black again, long seconds passing.

Xander sighed. It had been a long shot, he…

"You Rang…?" A deep, growling voice came out of the spell phone, and Xander looked down, his eyes lighting up as he saw a huge squarish face looking back at him.

"Lurch! Buddy! Pal! Is Wednesday home?"

Lurch groaned loudly and vanished, leaving Xander to wait.

Finally the image changed again as a familiar face appeared.

"Alexander! Where in the nine hells ARE you!?"


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

Xander winced, eyeing the angry man glaring at him from the small screen. "That's a bit of a loaded question, Sir."

"Well unload it on me, Lad." Gomez Addams growled, "You vanished from every method of location we have, plus one or two I suspect Wednesday invented just for you."

Xander blinked, "Well I can't say I'm surprised."

Gomez let out a growling sigh, "What in the great horror's name happened to you, Lad?"

"You know that Hellbitch, Glory?"

"Aye Lad, she's had an occasional run in with the Clan." Gomez admitted, "Tough nut to kill, that one. Your friend, Willow, told Wednesday about it. The details of what happened to you were a tad unclear, however."

"Well, she found the Key," Xander said with a shrug, bringing a dark look to Gomez' face. "The portals opened, and the Slayer got it in her head that she should take a header into one of them to close them."

"Slayers."

Xander smirked, "I had to disabuse her of the notion."

"Again, so I hear. What I missed, however, was how you managed to close the portals, lad."

Xander shrugged, "You know me, Gomez. Since the Wars I took to carrying around enough magical power to collapse a black hole if needed. I blew my capacitors through my wands with the safeties off, reversed the energy wave. Only one miscalculation… I was standing too close when they flipped inside out."

"Och." Gomez grimaced, "And you survived this, how exactly?"

"That's one point I haven't worked out yet."

The older man sighed, nodding, "Well then, I assume you've been tossed into another reality then? Which one, do you know? I know a person or two who can come get you."

"Father." Wednesday's voice came from the distance, "Is it true, is Alexander on the Spell Phone?"

"Yes, dear. Just working out his ride home, now." Gomez said, looking up.

"That might be a bit harder than you think," Xander sighed, leaning back in the chair.

"Alexander." The phone image was pulled away from Gomez, and Xander smiled to see Wednesday glaring at him. "Inform father where you are so that we might… retrieve you."

"As fun as that sounds, luv," Xander grinned, shaking his head, "I don't think it'll be that easy."

"Explain."

"Once I got here I started looking for ways back, of course. Still am really…" Xander said, starting to digress until the glare through the phone became tangible. "Anyway, my point is, I've worked out a general coordinate for my location and it's not good."

"Continue…"

"It's not a simple dimensional shift," He explained, "I've gone upwards in energy levels as well. My best guess is that I'm almost as high as you can get while still having humans around."

"My boy! That's not possible!" Gomez' face reappeared only to be shoved harshly aside.

"Stop pushing, Father." Wednesday growled, her face once more framed in the device. "You do realize, Alex, that if the coordinates are that high, you should not have survived."

"Been trying to figure that out too." Xander sighed. "But you see the problem, I assume?"

"Indeed. Even if we had a method of travelling along that particular dimensional axis, which we do not…"

"I'd be dead of… what basically amounts to explosive decompression of the soul if I tried it." Xander grimaced at the thought. "Still working on it, though."

"You had better be." Wednesday said with a threatening edge.

"How are things in Sunnydale?" Xander asked after a moment of silence between them.

"Poor. Willow and the Slayer are currently somewhat estranged."

"Buffy and Willow are fighting? Why?"

"In a word? You. Willow blamed Buffy for your death, and Buffy seemed to agree." Wednesday replied blandly. "They've been at odds for some time, however they are beginning to reestablish some degree of cordiality."

"Lovely. Ok, do me a huge favor and get ahold of Willow, would you? Tell her to start carrying her damned spell phone around." Xander rolled his eyes, "I swear, if it's not packed full of microchips that girl doesn't have time for it."

"I suspect she packed hers away after your funeral."

"I've been declared dead?" Xander winced, he hadn't expected that. Not without a body and all.

"A private service. Officially I believe you're still among the living, however when no one could contact you, many of your friends assumed the worst." Wednesday said.

Xander nodded, "Alright. Wens, check my vault in Sunnydale. You'll find what you need to assume power of attorney over my estate…"

He held up a hand to block her objection, "Wens. PLEASE. If someone doesn't take control pretty much all of my pet projects go down the tubes, and who knows what a state it'll be in if I get back."

"When."

"Fine. When. The point remains, Wens. Please."

She sighed, "Very well. How are you, where you are?"

"I'm alive, fit, healthy." Xander said, shrugging. "Unfortunately, I'm unarmed for the most part, and can't find materials to build a wand core."

"You? Without a wand?" She raised an eyebrow. "I'm shocked. I honestly didn't think that was possible."

"Tell me about it." He groused. "I was literally dropped in the desert naked as the day I was born. Hell, whatever the effect was it ripped my Carbon Tribals right off my hands, and removed my tats too."

Wednesday was silent for a long moment, "Impressive. I was unaware of any method of removing those that didn't involve taking your hands off at the wrist."

"Yeah, well… thankfully that's not what happened," Xander shuddered, "Though I did manage to splinch myself since I got here. I still haven't got my left hand reattached permanently."

"Oh?"

"No wand, and my wandless magic was always a little touchy." He sighed, "I'm getting by using a wandless sticking charm for now."

She nodded, "I see. Father will consult with the family Doctor and some other clan contacts. If we cannot retrieve you, perhaps we can send something there."

"Thanks, that would be great…" Xander smiled gratefully until Wednesday glared darkly.

He was about to ask her what was wrong when arms draped themselves around his shoulder and neck and he was yanked back into a hug with Harley leaning over his shoulder.

"Hey Mistah X, who ya talkin too?" She asked, peering into the screen. She brightened up when she saw the girl there, "Oooh! A girlfriend? I didn't know you had a girlfriend, X! Pretty kinky, if you ask me though… making her dress up like Wednesday Addams. It IS pretty cute, though!"

"Alexander… who is this… woman?" Wednesday demanded darkly.

Xander gulped, suddenly grateful for the lethal energy levels that lay between them.

"Ooooh… Look at her, pretending to be all scary and stuff." Harley giggled, "She's SO CUTE!"

"Alexander." Wednesday ordered, "Kill her."

Xander sighed, "She's a houseguest."

Wednesday shifted her glare for a moment, "I see."

Within the clan that was an absolute. You didn't kill houseguests. There was a matter of civility involved. Torture was fine, of course, especially if they enjoyed it… but you didn't kill them.

"Aw, she thinks she's intimidating…" Harley cooed into the device, ignorant of Xander's rising terror. "Doesn't she know I've faced Mistah J and the Batman? She's got nothing on…"

Wednesday suddenly lunged at the screen, arms coming through and hands wrapping around Harley's throat. Harley's eyes widened in terror as she fell back, clutching at her throat and gasping.

"This doesn't seem POSSIBLE!" She gurgled in terror from the floor.

Xander watched as Harley rolled around, holding her throat and screaming, then glanced back at the screen.

"Do I want to know what you just did?"

Wednesday shrugged, "Do you remember Japan?"

Xander frowned, "Illusion?"

"Indeed. It's based entirely on visual cues directly into the targets mind," Wednesday said, "I've been working on it for some time. It still doesn't work over television, however."

Xander closed his eyes, "I really don't want to know why you're trying to develop a technique for torturing people over TV."

She smiled slightly, "No, you probably don't."

Xander eyed the device for a moment, "Wait a second… You can torture me over my own spell phone now?"

She smiled just a little more.

"Oh hell no. I'm so going back to the old Kirk Special, damnit." Xander declared.

Wednesday merely smirked, "Did I mention that I'm also working on an auditory version?"

"Damn it, Wednesday!" Xander cursed, "Do NOT make me develop texting for these things! I HATE texting!"

Xander paused, thinking, "Wait a second… Willow put you up to this, didn't she?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Wednesday said in a voice so innocent it sent chills down his spine. "Now, onto more important matters. Did your houseguest actually say that she had faced down Batman?"

Xander scowled at Wednesday and got up from the chair, stepping over the still choking Harley as he walked over to the large glass sections of the greenhouse, where he was overlooking the city.

"I'm looking out on Gotham City as we speak," He said, turning the spell phone around to show her the view.

"How delightfully gothic." Wednesday said as he flipped it back around. "I'll have to see if I can't work out a way to visit. It looks frightfully fun. So, the actual Batman then?"

Xander nodded, "The entire DC comics universe, as far as I can tell."

"Yes, I can see where that would imply that you've been located to an upper energy state dimension," She sighed. "I'm not as familiar with the material as you are, are you safe?"

"For a certain definition of safe." Xander smirked, glancing back where Harley was still rolling and making strangling sounds on the floor. "The woman you're still torturing is the Joker's main squeeze, so sooner or later he'll be showing up I have no doubt. Pamela Isley is also living here, and she's a sociopathic green terrorist when she isn't under my plant wards… and Harley brought me Live Wire here to help charge the spell phone, and she's kicked Superman's ass a time or two from what I remember."

"Well… As is normal, I do approve of your taste in companionship." Wednesday replied dryly. "Is this Joker going to be a problem?"

Xander shrugged, "He's a psychotic sociopath with clinical obsessions that are so conflicting it's a miracle he's as functional as he is. He'll be trying to kill me any day now I assume."

"So, that's a 'no' then?"

Xander smirked, then changed the subject as he looked back at Harley. "How long is she going to be like that?"

"I'm not sure, honestly." Wednesday admitted. "First time I've tried it across dimensional boundaries."

"I'm sure she's honored to be your test subject."

"She should be happy I didn't use a Demonic Vision Technique." Wednesday remarked dryly.

"I know I am, just after hearing the name. That BETTER just be a name, Wednesday."

"Please, Alexander. You know how my family feels about true demons."

Xander nodded, knowing the truth in that.

"Sorry. Ok, look, I'm fine here for now but I need you to get Willow to set something up for me." Xander said with a grimace.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I want you to make her a very happy young lady."

Wednesday eyed him darkly, "My, aren't you becoming forward now."

"Now what I meant, but if you want to go that way, leave the phone on when you do." Xander winked, then instantly twisted the phone away from his face when he felt her magic impact on his Occlumency shields. "Be nice, Wens!"

"Since when?"

Xander turned the phone back, raising an eyebrow, "I always thought you were nice."

"You have a twisted view of the world."

"Why yes I do, thank you for noticing."

She sighed, "What is it you want me to tell Willow, now?"

"In the vault, you'll also find my schematics for a device to connect the new spell phones to a computer." Xander said.

"I thought you had already done that."

"No, I had a workaround, but it was crappy. I was working on something to make use of the Internet, for Willow and all."

"I see. You want her to build this?"

Xander nodded, "I need a dedicated line for my own use, so grant her the funds to build at least two and see about getting the highest speed net access you can as well."

"Very well. Is this for your research to get home?"

"Partially. It's also for keeping my skin in once piece while I'm here."

"A goal I approve of, whole heartedly."

* * *

Pamela blinked as she entered the room, eyes falling on Harley who was rocking in the corner, hugging herself.

"Scary little girl…" The blond was shivering, "Scary, SCARY little girl."

Pam raised her eyebrow, then glanced over at Xander who was looking out over the cityscape in the distance. "Dare I ask?"

"If you ever see me chatting with a hot goth," He said without turning around, "Take my advice… don't call her 'cute'."

Harley screamed, "Addams!"

"Addams?" Ivy remarked curiously, "I don't know that name."

Xander smiled, "Morticia would love you."

Ivy frowned, "Wait. Morticia? Addams? You mean from the movies?"

"They're movies here?" Xander asked, not really surprised at this point. "Well, let's just say that Wednesday isn't someone to annoy."

"Wednesday? The movie version, or the TV version?" Ivy asked, mentally accepting the odd direction the conversation had just taken.

"Not sure. Which is scarier?"

"Movie version."

"Probably that one then."

"Of course it would be." Ivy sighed, glancing at Harley, who was now shaking as she hugged herself. "How long is she going to be like that?"

"Huh? Oh, she's fine now." Xander said with a shrug.

"Then why is she still shivering and rocking like that?"

"Showmanship."

Ivy palmed her face and groaned. "Harley…"

"Yeah Red?" Harley's voice quavered from the corner.

"Get up."

"K, Red." Harley said, bouncing to her feet. "That girl was seriously spooky, though, red! I swear!"

Ivy sighed, "I'm sure she was, Harl. And why, pray tell, would you be baiting Wednesday Addams in the first place?"

"I didn't KNOW it was the real Wednesday Addams!" Harley protested, "I just thought X had a really weird kink, ya know?"

"That would be a new one," Ivy admitted, "Not as weird as the Joker's though."

"Hey! Mistah J is normal as the next guy!"

"Assuming the next guy pastes his girl with grease paint and pretends she's a clown."

"Hey! Who's pretending!?" Harley growled indignantly before pausing and putting a finger to her mouth, "Hey wait… That didn't come out the way I meant."

Pam rolled her eyes, "Honestly the only person who's weirder is the Bat. He seems to have a thing for kids in capes. Now THAT'S weird. Creepy weird."

Xander started choking.

"Don't even JOKE like that, Ivy!" He managed to get out, gasping for air. "Do you WANT to volunteer for a Bat Beatdown?"

"He's got a point, Red."

Ivy shrugged. "It's not like he hasn't heard it before."

She paused, considering, "Though he DID seem to lay into the Riddler a little extra hard that one time he sent the Bat that crossword puzzle with all the 'clues' he'd come up with concerning the Bat's real relationship with Robin."

Xander snickered, "Oh lord. I want to see that puzzle."

"Good Luck. Nigma's not showing that to ANYONE anymore." Ivy shook her head, "Not after the way they found him the next morning."

Xander shot her a questioning glance, but she just shook her head.

"Don't ask. It was a whole thing with Batwire and question marks in uncomfortable places." She told him, causing Xander to cringe. "Pretty it wasn't."

"Right. Nuff said about that. So, back to my original point," He told her, grinning, "No jokes about the bat's preferences. Well, you know… other than if he does it hanging upside down…"

"Hah!" Harley cackled, rolling on the floor.

"Would you guys keep it down?" A new voice joined them, "I'm nursing the mother of all hangover headaches here."

The trio turned to see Live Wire stumble into the room, holding her head as she moved.

"Heya sparky!" Harley yelled and waved.

Wire groaned, glaring at Harley. "Look, clown girl. Either find me some high voltage pick me ups, or shut it. You never said anything about migraines when you called me down here."

"We have a pretty good power feed here," Xander offered, "But I'd rather you didn't draw any faster than the power company allows."

"Aww, but that's barely a snack!"

"Yeah, but we have the Bat visiting enough already, and do you have any idea how much of a killer that is on the electrical bill?"

"Fine, fine." She grumbled, "You want me to drag it from here, or somewhere in particular?"

"Come on, I'll show you the basement. It's under the wards, so it should be safe," He told her, "Plus the fuse box is there, so you can tap the source. I don't want any surges killing the equipment down there."

"Hey, I'm real precise when I want to be." She said, snapping her fingers and letting off a tiny spark that flitted around the room before jolting Harley on the butt.

"YEOUCH!" Harley screamed, leaping into the air and grabbing at a nearby doorframe. "Don't DO that, Sparky!"

"You gonna make me, Clown Girl?"

Harley jumped off the door frame, charging up to Wire and whipped a bottle of seltzer out of… well, somewhere. "You look like you could use a little spritzing, Sparky!"

Wire flinched away, "You wouldn't dare!"

"Just a tip, Sparky," Harley's eyes took on a maniacal gleam, "Don't give the crazy lady a challenge…"

"HEY!" Ivy and Xander yelled together, "Cut it out!"

Harley shrank back, "But she started it!"

"No seltzer on the electrical meta!" Xander growled, causing Live Wire to smirk. "Not inside anyway. You'll damage my experiments."

"And MY plants!" Ivy added.

"You want to hose her down, put a bucket over the front door and wait for her to leave." Xander went on.

"HEY!" Live Wire objected.

"Ooo… That's a goody. A classic too." Harley clapped.

"What do you think you're doing!?" Wire jabbed her fingers into Xander's chest. "Don't give her ideas like that!"

"Don't antagonize her, then." Xander said, rolling his eyes. "You're houseguests here. Act like it."

"Sorry." Harley said, downcast.

Everyone turned to look at Live Wire, who looked around.

"What? Ok fine. I'm sorry. Whatever." She rolled her eyes, "Where's the power line?"

Xander sighed, nodding to the basement access. "Down this way."

* * *

Once he'd gotten Wire juiced up a little she'd decided to head out on the town. Xander hadn't been stupid enough to expect her to be 'good', but he'd all but begged her to keep a low profile before she left. She couldn't charge anymore of his items from a prison cell, and he had no doubt that if she went up against the Batman, she wasn't the one coming out on top.

That said, he didn't have any real control over her, so he just kinda prayed and let her go.

He had work to do anyway, well work and something else.

"Harley!"

"Yeah, Mistah X?" Harley asked, hanging from a railing above him.

Xander looked up, "Look, do me a favor?"

"Name it."

He tossed her a wad of cash, "Go out and buy me a DVD player and all the Addams Family stuff you can find?"

"Buy?" She frowned, looking at the money in her pocket. "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. Buy. No stealing!" He growled.

"Ok, sure, you betcha!"

"I want receipts!" He yelled after her.

Harley stopped, then drooped. "Oh Poo."

He sighed as she headed out, shaking his head. "The Joker really did a number on her. I think."

"Maybe she was always like that and he just gave her a reason, did you think of that?" Ivy asked softly from where she was tending her plants.

"Yeah, but that would mean that she actually managed to get a PHD with that as her real self." Xander answered, "And frankly, that just boggles the mind."

"True." Ivy replied, carefully trimming the plant she was working on.

"How goes the harvest?" Xander asked.

"I wish you wouldn't call them that." Ivy pouted.

"Sorry, not sure what other word fits." He replied, "Besides, it's not like I'm actually out chopping them down with a scythe you know. Mandrakes are annual plants, they go to seed and they die."

Ivy sighed, "I know. It just sounds so wrong all the same."

"I'm NOT calling them babies. That's just creepy on a whole nother level." He told her firmly.

She scowled at him, "It's not nice poking fun at other people's mental issues."

"Does that mean you'll stop doing it?"

"Of course not."

"Hypocrite."

"Didn't your girlfriend ever tell you?" She smirked, "Women are always right."

Xander nodded, "Yeah. I got that memo. She misspelled 'right'. And I don't think Women is spelled with a 'y'"

"Smart ass."

"It's pretty tight too, good shape, decent bounce."

"I'd noticed." Ivy replied, "Still not interested."

He sighed, "Story of my life."

"Sorry," She smirked, "I don't have time in my life for a man. Besides, Harley has a better butt."

"Ooo, so that's the way you swing, huh?" He grinned again. "Mind if I watch?"

Ivy shot him a glare that was punctuated by a vine writhing out of the soil and tightening around Xander's leg, climbing higher. He flinched, his voice lifting a bit.

"Fair point." He squeaked, lifting up on his tiptoes. "I was just asking. No harm in asking, right?"

"No harm to me." Ivy countered, "You might find the question… uncomfortable though."

"Point made…" He said.

When the vine didn't retract, Xander's tone changed.

"I said, point made." He repeated, colder and firmer.

He gave her another few seconds, then triggered the wards again, causing the vine to shrink back as Ivy herself collapsed over the bedding box. When the vine was gone he released the wards and glared at her.

"Pamela, I don't mind playing around, but you need to learn when enough is enough." He told her as she was slowly getting back up.

She glared at him for a moment, then sighed. "Fine. You're right."

"In my defense," She said after a moment, "There hasn't been much call for 'limits' or 'restraint' in my lifestyle up until now."

"Time to reevaluate your lifestyle then." He told her. "Because your old one hasn't gotten you much so far, now has it?"

Ivy shook her head, "No. It hasn't."

"Ok. Back to work then."

They silently went back about the care and feeding of the various magical and non-magical species they were cultivating.

Finally, Xander smirked and snuck a glance over in her direction again.

"So… Harley, huh?"

"Shut up."

* * *

Xander spent the rest of the night after Harley got back watching the Addams Family movies and TV shows. He was impressed with some of the casting, actually.

"HA!" Harley crowed from behind him as Lurch terrified some poor yokel at the door of the Mansion. "That always cracks me up!"

"The funny thing is once you get to know him you know Lurch is a real nancy boy." Xander smirked, "Wouldn't hurt a fly. He's seriously handy, though. That guy can tear down anything with a motor and rebuild it in hours, if not minutes… and it'll run way the hell over factory specs too. Man, the things he did with my Bike…"

"You really know them, don't you?" Ivy asked curiously from where she was draped across the couch on his left.

Xander nodded.

"So, are they really like this for reals?" Harley asked, hopping up and down on his right.

Xander shrugged in response, "Sort of. They got Gomez right for the most part, this guy Julia is really close on how crazy he can get… Astin shows his cooler, civil side better… but they both miss how dark the man can be if someone crosses the Clan."

"Oh?" Ivy asked, "How so?"

"Someone… went after his children once." Xander said, then shuddered a little. "Just imagine The Batman, pissed off at you… with absolutely no morals you'd recognize whatsoever."

Harley shivered, "You mean a Batman who kills? That's just wrong."

"No. I mean a Batman who carves up his enemies and serves them for dinner." Xander replied evenly. "You do NOT cross the Addams. Period. Fucking Dot. The stuff we're watching on TV is them being polite. Nice even, and they scare the hell out of people then."

"You're scaring me." Harley said in a tiny voice as she curled up into the couch and tried to look small. "The Batman is bad enough, the idea of him cutting people up is just wrong."

"Gomez once told me that the Clan considers the Ten Commandments to be the first, and most insidious evil ever put to text." Xander said thoughtfully. "Don't steal. Don't kill. Don't worship the wrong God. Don't. Don't. Don't."

"I'm not one to spout off on the virtues of the bible, but most people consider those to be good guidelines." Ivy replied with a smirk.

"No, they're all about control." Xander replied, "About taking freedoms from people. Sure, some of them aren't nice freedoms, but they are freedoms. Pure freedom is a harsh existence, but that's where the Addams Clan lives. They don't acknowledge the commandments because, as Gomez puts it, every single one of them was written the same way… by some guy who kept adding the words 'unless I want to' at the end."

Harley snorted, "True enough."

"It doesn't matter if it's a priest, a king, or God himself either," Xander shrugged, "Whoever made those rules thought the same thing… Though Shalt Not… unless I tell you to. That's no way to start a society."

"Interesting point of view." A dark voice growled from the shadows. "But society has to have rules."

Harley shrieked and near jumped out of her skin, landing on Xander's lap and hugging him tightly as he and Ivy glared over their shoulders at the Batman as he stepped into the room.

"Does it, really?" Xander asked, refusing to give the man the satisfaction of seeing him jump. "Or are the rules just slowly crippling us generation by generation?"

"I don't follow." The bat said flatly.

Xander shrugged, shifting Harley so her position in his lap was more comfortable, "Well it's really evolution in progress isn't it? We reward those who follow the rules, make life easier for sheep, who do what they're told… so we get more sheep next time around. It's not that slow a process either, there was a time not that bloody long ago, that this country went to war over taxes. Taxes that were a hell of a lot lower than people pay today. In the short term, I'm with you Bats. I like to save people, I HATE bullies, and I can't stand by and watch as might makes wrong things right…"

He sighed, considering what he was saying, "But I worry too. I worry that we're blindly following idiots down a road to ruin. That maybe the tree of liberty needs its fill, before it withers beyond saving and we have to plant a whole new one. I'm a Wizard, you know, Bats… We live a long time, longer in magic or energy rich areas. Around here, barring bad luck or violence, I could possibly see my own millennium party. I don't want to see it alone."

"You could live to be a thousand?" Harley asked from her perch in his lap, seemingly confused. "I don't know whether to be envious or sad for you."

Xander shrugged, "If I can find my way home I'll probably only live a couple hundred years, give or take. There's way more energy floating around here."

"Gee, I don't think I'd be taking that as calmly as you are, Mistah X."

"It's normal for me, since I learned about magic at eleven."

Harley giggled, "You didn't know about it until eleven, X? What, you go to school with Harry Potter or something?"

Xander choked, "He has a TV series here too?"

"You mean you DID go to school with Harry Potter!?" Harley leaped out of his lap, eyes bugging. "That's SO COOL!"

"Oh Lord." Xander sputtered out, "Geez. Potter has a tv series…"

"Books, actually." Batman replied.

Harley and Ivy both turned to stare at him.

"What? Batgirl and Robin are fans." Batman said, sounding a tad defensive.

"Right…" Harley said slowly.

"What did I tell you?" Ivy asked, "Creepy."

Xander looked confused, until Ivy explained herself. "They're children's books."

"Ah." He said, smirking. "Got it."

Batman growled, glaring at them, but said nothing as he turned and left.

"God I LOVE getting under his cape!" Harley chuckled, kicking her legs up as she flopped back down on the sofa.

* * *

Nightwing skidded his bike to a stop in the Cave, dismounting the powerful machine as Batgirl brought her own bike to a stop beside him. They locked the bikes in place and made their way up the walkway to the main part of the cave, and both stopped dead and stared.

"Is that?"

"Is he?"

Batman was leaning back, legs up on the edge of the supercomputer interface, reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. On the large computer display, the Addams Family was playing with the volume turned up.

They glanced at each other, shrugged, and walked closer as Alfred arrived with a large bowl of popcorn.

"Ok, what the HELL?" Nightwing sputtered.

"I'm sure I don't know, Master Grayson." Alfred shrugged. "He came back from patrol and asked where Master Drake keeps his books. This is what I found when I came down later."

"Bruce?" Dick asked, taking his mask off. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. This is research."

"For what?" Barbara demanded as she pulled off her cowl, "A really bizarre fanfiction?"

Dick and Bruce turned to look at her until she blushed.

"I kinda dabble with my online time," She squeaked out. "Mostly Grey Ghost stuff, sometimes a little Harry Potter or Buffy the Vampire Slayer…"

"Right…" Bruce said slowly, turning back to the book. "I stopped by the Biosphere Facility earlier this evening to talk with Harris. Live Wire has been reported in the area, and as she's a known associate of Harley and Ivy I thought I'd check it out. I found them watching Addams Family episodes and talking about what the characters were really like, back in his home dimension."

"Whoa." Dick muttered, "The guy comes from a world where the Addams Family exists? That explains SO much."

"That's what he was talking about when he said some Wizard spliced themselves so badly on their hand was left!" Barbara blurted, "He was talking about Thing!"

Batman nodded, "That's what I believe, yes."

"Wait…" Barbara said slowly, eyes dropping to the book Bruce was reading. "You're reading Harry Potter… does that mean what I think it means?"

"No way…" Dick breathed out.

"Maybe. He certainly implied that he may have gone to school with Potter." Batman growled, shaking the book slightly. "So far I am NOT encouraged."

"Why not?" Barbara asked, "This is SO cool!"

"Aside from the fact that the first book is basically about nothing but how to abuse a child," Bruce growled, "the magic is… far more casual and versatile than anything I've encountered. I'm not sure how it ranks in terms of sheer power, but not even La Fey uses magic so frivolously and easily."

"It gets worse." Dick said grimly.

"You've read the series?"

Dick rolled his eyes, "I had to. Barbara wouldn't talk about anything else for two months after one was released… it was read it, or be completely clueless in every conversation."

Barbara snorted, "I hate to disappoint you, but the reading didn't help."

Dick rolled his eyes, "The world is insanely magical… mostly ripped off of earlier works, though, tossing them all together into one hodge podge world. A lot of stuff from Gygax, Tolkien, and such mixed in there. Several methods of mind control, memory wipes… a near perfect 'death curse', and another spell designed to do nothing but torture."

"I've gotten to the death curse information." Batman confirmed. "I'm trying to get some idea of how powerful Mr. Harris would be with a wand."

Dick shrugged, "Hard to say. Barring a 'destiny' or a ton of 'dark rituals', he won't be on par with the Dark Lord or Dumbledore… but even average Wizards from that world are potentially very dangerous."

"I think we know he's not average." Barbara smirked, rolling her eyes. "We also know that he's not one of the bad guys."

"Do we?" Bruce demanded.

"Yeah, actually." Dick nodded. "If he were, he wouldn't have helped us with those kids. Non-magical children aren't worth a rubber nickel to the bad guys in those novels."

Bruce snorted, "Funny. Magical children don't seem to be worth much to the good guys."

Dick shrugged, "It's a fairy tale, Bruce. Those all suck. Someday Disney will do a rewrite and everything will be shiny and nice. It'll still suck, though."

Barbara stuck her tongue out him.

"Until then, we have to figure out how we're to deal with a Hogwarts trained Wizard who apparently is very friendly with the Addams Clan."

Barbara shivered. "Ok, that could be really good, or really bad."

"Yes." Batman growled, "I'm becoming very much aware of that."

* * *

There working on the second season of the original Addams family when Xander's Spell Phone chimed softly. He got up, "I've got to get this."

After he'd moved out of the TV room, Xander pulled the Spell Phone open to see an irate redhead glaring at him.

"Xander! Mister, you better answer…"

"Hello Willow." He smiled, "How's it going?"

"Don't you how's it going me, Mister!" She growled, "You've been missing for MONTHS!"

"I kinda realized that, Wills." Xander told her dryly. "I guess Wens got back to you?"

Willow nodded, "She's coming to Sunnydale."

"I know, I asked her to take over some of my projects and to get you involved in a new one." He told her, "Did she mention it?"

"No, she just told me you wanted me to do something."

"Yeah. You remember when you asked me about connecting the Spell Phones to the internet?"

"Of course." Willow rolled her eyes. "You said it would be too hard."

"I also started working on plans that night." Xander smiled, "It was going to be a surprise, but well… surprise."

"You figured it out?"

"Mostly. You'll have to see if you can't polish it a little." Xander told her. "I'll want a dedicated link for myself, but you'll have enough money to build at least two."

Willow nodded, "I think I understand. Wednesday said that you were… in Gotham?"

Xander smiled at her nervous question, "Just outside actually."

"But… The Batman's Gotham?"

"Yeah."

"Wow." She breathed. "So I guess that's what you want the internet for then."

"Smart as always, Wills." Xander smirked, glancing back toward the room he'd left. "Mums the word for now, though. The walls have ears."

"Oh… OH. Right. Ok, I'll get on it as soon as I can." Willow nodded furiously, then paused. "Xander?"

"What is it, Wills?"

"I miss you."

"Well, I am so very missable…"

She glared at him, "Stop joking around, mister!"

Xander turned serious, "Sorry Willow. I miss you too."

She took a deep breath, nodding slowly as tears started to run down her cheeks.

"Oh God, Xander. I'm so glad you're still alive." She blurted out, leaning into the screen. "I thought you were gone forever and I didn't know what to do… I thought you were gone…"

"Hey… I'm here." He said, brushing his fingers across the mirror screen. "I may be gone from there, but I'm still here. We can talk from now on."

She swallowed, nodding slowly.

"A… are you… I mean, when are you coming home?"

Xander hesitated, "I don't know Wills. I'm working on it, but it's not going to be easy."

Willow nodded, "I understand I think."

He smiled, "Just remember, Wills. I may be gone, but I'm always with you… and I always will be. Hell or high water, Wills. You and me forever."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

Finally getting into contact with home took a big weight off Xander's chest, and he felt a lot lighter in the following days despite not getting any closer to finding a way home. For now, he was still focused on rebuilding his tools.

The potions projects with Wayne Enterprises were beginning to show prospects, with Skele-grow entering clinical trials, much to screams of disbelief and fury from Lex Corps labs from what he was hearing. Xander smirked, the very idea of driving Lex Luthor mad with curiosity was just too funny.

It did mean that sooner or later he was going to have to deal with Luthor or his goons showing up to find out where Wayne was getting his new Biotech. As good an excuse as he could need to improve the wards, he supposed. Not that he really needed one. The only reason he hadn't beefed up the wards to match home already was the fact that he couldn't charge the damned things.

Unfortunately, that was one thing that hadn't changed.

Live Wire was powerful, but lightning wards were horribly inefficient. He'd already run the math, and the power it would take to charge his home wards would exceed her capacity by a massive degree. Given the configuration of the runes that made up the lightning ward, Xander wouldn't risk it even if it was CLOSE to her maximum capacity. One miscalculation and the wards could wind up sucking a meta like her entirely into the wardstones.

Which meant he had to find wand materials, and the schedule was getting a bit tighter.

Now that he had access to Willow's core database again, he might have a better chance. She and Wednesday had created a vast array of information beyond his ken. He'd never needed it, back home he could afford the most powerful cores on the market, and had contacts to help him find things that were almost never for sale. That said, he knew that they had tested all manner of potential cores, including things he'd never bothered with.

While they didn't have access to the internet yet, with his new Spell Phone working, Xander did have access to his own database. He'd built that system for Willow years earlier, a birthday gift to the hacker who wanted to live in both worlds. With it, anyone with one of his spell phones had access to his entire library, all of his research, and whatever else Willow had put into the system since then.

Well, one of his spell phones and the correct combination to dial into the system, of course.

"Let's see… plant based cores." He mumbled, flicking through the section headings, looking for something he could use.

Unfortunately Willow had never seemed to hit much luck with plant based cores, most of them were far too weak to really power much in the way of spells, and what he was seeing in the lists was nothing that would give him an advantage over his own wandless magic, weak though that was.

"It is my belief that proper wands thrive on the dichotomy of plant and animal materials…" He read from Willow's notes on her tests, then sighed. "Well lovely."

He set down his spell phone and walked across to the 3d fabricator. On the bench beside the machine were the two parts he'd designed for his first wand in the DC Universe. The first was a Carbon lattice design he'd been toying with for years, though he'd never had the technology to build it back home. His extruders weren't precise enough for the low tolerance design, it always crumbled when he tried it.

Wayne Tech's 3D fabricator had needed a little runic twigging to get them working to the levels he needed, but this machine could now build perfectly aligned carbon constructs in any shape he needed. He was still honestly stunned by how well Wayne's technology was hardened against magical interference.

Part of it was the sheer density of energy in this plane, he suspected. However, a lot of the tech seemed to be based on very old materials when compared to home as well. There were very few microchips, and they seemed larger and less susceptible to magical damage than the more tightly packed versions Xander was familiar with at home. It was an interesting puzzle, trying to determine how they got so much more out of what appeared to be simpler tech than he was used to.

Anyway, beside the first part of the wand form, was its negative match. A wooden design that would fill in the holes in the carbon, letting him reap the benefits of the organic quality of the wood, while still maintaining the control he needed from the Carbon. Those two parts were now only missing the final, and third, piece of his trinary wand.

The core.

He growled in frustration.

"Somewhere on this ROCK, there has to be something I can use…" He muttered, shaking his head, "Preferably something that's not already been claimed by some stupidly powerful cape."

He put his hands down, bending over the bench in frustration.

"Who am I kidding? Doctor Fate? Circe? Shazam? Mordru? Hell even Faust is out of my league right now. I can't take on another magic user while I'm limited to what little wandless magic I can manage. And I sure as hell won't be able to find a way home without a wand. A good one at that." He pushed off the desk, walking away from the wand components.

The fact was, he was never going to get what he needed while sitting around Gotham. If he wanted something that hard to find, he would have to simply go out and damned well FIND it.

* * *

Harley spun on her toes as she danced across the floor, singing at the top of her lungs.

Across the room, Ivy was working with her plants while trying desperately to ignore the racket. Harley didn't notice her growing ire, and probably wouldn't have deigned to care if she had. Unnoticed or not, Ivy was clenching her teeth and her knuckles were growing whiter with every passing moment until she finally blew.

"WILL YOU CUT IT OUT!?"

Harley stumbled in shock, falling on her butt as Ivy turned on her.

"Gee Red, what's tha matter?"

"You're incessant singing is driving me NUTS!" Ivy growled, "Just… just go and DO something. Anything, as long as it's away from me!"

Harley cringed away, "Sorry Red, I'll be quiet."

Ivy sighed, waving, "Just leave, Harl. Please."

"Alright." Harley sighed, slinking out.

She ran into Xander a few rooms later, just as he was coming out of the basement. Harley grinned and jumped at him, "Heya Mistah X!"

Xander caught her, surprised by the action. "Harley?"

"Hey X, hows about we go out on the town?"

"Not today, Harl." He said softly, setting her down.

"Aw, whats tha matter, X?"

"I think I have to leave Gotham, Harl." Xander sighed, shaking his head.

"But… where to?" Harley pouted.

"Everywhere." Xander laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "Sorry, Harl. I need to be alone."

Xander walked away from her, leaving Harley to slump and walk the other direction.

* * *

"It just figures." Harley mumbled to herself as she walked. "I finally find a place I can be me without breaking any laws, and now it's all gonna go bye, bye."

She kicked a stone as she walked, not looking up as a car rumbled to a slow crawl beside her.

"Having trouble, little lady?" A man with a deep south western accent asked.

"Get lost, wacko!" Harley growled, "I ain't in the mood!"

"Aww, Harley!" The voice changed, "I'm hurt."

She froze in place, turning slowly, "Puddin?"

"Heya Harley! How's tricks?" The Joker leaned out of the car window. "I been watching you."

"You have?" Harley smiled, then shook her head and forced a frown, "I mean… You have?"

"Of course I have!" Joker jumped out of the still moving car, grabbing her arm and swinging her around into his arms. "I always look out for you, Harl."

She squealed, neither of them paying any attention to the car as it continued on down the hill and into the intersection below. Amid the squeals of tires and crashing of metal, Harley pulled away.

"I don't know, Mistah J. I got a good deal right now. The cops aren't chasing me, the bat is even pretty polite…" She said, uncertain.

"That's not for people like us, Harley!" Joker grinned, hugging her close around the shoulders. "Besides, you said it yourself… it's all going bye, bye, right? If they're gonna push you around and leave you, I say leave them first!"

"But… but it's not like that, Mistah J…" She objected weakly.

"Bah! Of course it is! Everyone leaves you, Harl… except me. You know that."

She pulled back, breaking free of his grip, and ran. "I… I can't. I don't want to, Mistah J."

Joker watched her run away from him and smiled. "Catch you later, Harl."

* * *

Xander looked up when Harley rushed in, slamming the door behind her. He raised an eyebrow when she pressed her back to the door and grinned at him, sort of sickly looking.

"Something wrong, Harley?"

"No… No. Nothing's wrong. Everything's perfect!" She squeaked out, alternating between shaking her head and nodding wildly.

Xander looked at her for a long moment, then nodded. "That time already, then?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind, Harl." He told her with a sad kinda smile. "Hey Harl, I ever tell you how much I like having you around here?"

"Umm… no?" She said, confused.

"Well I do. Sorry for not mentioning it before." He said, smirking. "You're a breath of fresh air, Harl."

"Uh well… Gee, X…" She stuttered, confused, "Thanks?"

"No problem, Harl." He said, getting up.

"Uh… Say, X?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, Harl? What is it?"

"Uh…" She started, hesitating.

She seemed about to speak when the door she had her back against blew open, throwing her across the room.

"Knock, Knock!"

Harley turned around from where she'd skidded across the floor, looking at the newcomer fearfully. "Uh… hey, Mistah J."

"Harley, Harley, Harley… I'm hurt. I truly am," The Joker said as he strode into the room.

"Not as bad as you would be if my wards were fully charged," Xander grumbled softly, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, Puddin…" Harley's voice quavered. "I didn't know you was out."

"I suppose that's understandable, Harley. But here I am," The Joker grinned maniacally, "Now it's time to go. Say goodbye to your little friends."

"But Mistah J… I don't know about…"

Xander raised an eyebrow, surprised that Harley wasn't already out the door.

"Are you telling me no, Harl?" Joker growled, "ME!?"

"No, no, Mistah J! It ain't like that, see?" Harley shook her head and waved her hands wildly.

Xander stepped up, shaking his own head slowly. "She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to."

"Oh, she wants to…" Joker said malevolently. "Boy does she want to."

"Doesn't look like it to me."

"You just don't know Harl the way I do," Joker said disingenuously, "She loves this life."

"Right." Xander said dryly. "Cause she looks SO happy."

"Hmmm…" Joker mused, rubbing his chin. "The plebe does have a point, Harl. You're looking a little down. Are you feeling alright?"

"J… just fine, Mistah J." Harley stuttered.

"Well then? What are you waiting for?" Joker demanded, "Get your things. We're leaving!"

"Right away…" Harley said, getting up. "I'll be right down."

"Harley…" Xander spoke up.

"Hush, you little NOBODY." The Joker growled, "Now GO Harl!"

Harley ran out, leaving Joker and Xander facing off.

"Oooo, little boy thinks he can play with the big boys, huh?" Joker grinned. "What makes you think you stand a chance?"

"I want you dead, clown, you die." Xander said simply.

"Right." The Joker rolled his eyes, "You want to take on the legend, come try a piece of me."

Xander snorted, tensing. "Legend. Right."

"You got something to say!?" Joker stepped toward him, raising his hand and swinging on Xander with a backhand.

Xander ducked under it, moved in close, and threw his knee into the Joker's midsection. The man in purple doubled over, but recovered quickly and returned with an elbow to Xander's face. Xander Flailed back, hitting the ground hard just as Harley ran back into the room with her things in her arms.

"Mistah J! No!"

Joker paused from where he'd begun kicking the downed man, glancing over his shoulder. "Of course, Harley. Whatever you say. Come, come, let's be going."

Harley glanced back at Xander as he got to his knees, his eyes watching her, then further back to where Ivy was calmly watching the whole thing go down. As she was pushed out the door, Joker grinned and popped a pin from a joker grenade and threw it over his shoulder.

"Mistah J! NO!"

Then they were gone as the grenade bounced into the room.

Outside Joker pushed Harley into the car as she watched the building behind her suddenly erupt into flames. "Why'd ya do that, Mistah J? I was coming…"

"Harley, Harley, Harley… if you have to explain the punchline, it's just not funny." The Joker replied, cackling as he floored the car.

Back inside the building, Xander got to his feet as the flames licked at his body.

"Why aren't we burning to death?" Ivy asked, a little shaken. She hadn't seen the point in stopping Harley, since she'd been down this road before, but the grenade had taken her by surprise and with the wards up she hadn't been able to react as quickly as normal either.

"Flame freezing charm." Xander replied, mentally tripping the suppression wards. "One of the few wandless charms taught in school. Just in case someone gets it into their head to burn a witch."

"Cheery." She said, watching the flames die out. "You know, I'm pretty sure you're a better fighter than that."

Xander smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. "That amateur? He's a loon, not a fighter. I could take him in my sleep."

"Then why are you the one bleeding from a split lip?"

"Beating the joker wouldn't do me any good, killing him would be worse." Xander shrugged, brushing himself off.

"Really? I fail to see how."

"That's because you don't understand the nature of the universe." He told her with a half-smile. "Don't worry about it."

"So you just let him beat you down and take Harley then?"

"Oh no." Xander shook his head, his smile turning cold. "Not at all."

"Sure looks like it from here."

"Allow me to give you a piece of advice, Ivy…" He said seriously, turning to look at her. "Don't ever cross a Wizard, Pam… We're a vindictive lot, and easy to anger."

"Get one of us pissed off with you, and you only have one sure way out..." He said, pantomiming a gun to his head as his thumb cocked to pull the 'trigger'.

He then extended his hand to her, his smirk turning nasty as she frowned and recognized several strands of green hair clenched in his fingers.

"If, however, the Wizard you pissed off is a master of the protean charm," He said, laughing nastily, "Then even THAT won't save your ass."

Pamela Isley shivered as Xander's laugh took on a slightly crazed tint, almost as bad as the Joker himself.

* * *

The Batman crouched over the edge of the building, leaning far out so he could get a better view of his target. The call had come in earlier from Harris, telling him that the Joker was out of Arkham. Batman had immediately checked with the asylum, only to be assured that the Joker was still where he should be.

He didn't hesitate, he immediately hit the city looking for the Clown.

The joker had to be planning something, and soon, otherwise he wouldn't have needed Quinn.

"No sign of laughing boy on the East Side." Robin's voice came over the comm, "Going to head up 93rd and see if he's at the old Carnival site."

"Roger." Batman replied, not mentioning that he'd already checked there.

"I've got nothing at the old Gags and Gifts Factory," Nightwing came on a moment later. "No sign anyone's been here in years."

"Ok, see if you find anything at the abandoned fair grounds."

"Right."

"You know, you guys have WAY too many abandoned clown related places in this town."

Batman didn't look up, "Joker put most of them out of business."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." Xander said as he took a seat on the edge of the building and leaned over to look at what the Batman was eyeing. "You know what he's up to yet?"

"How did you find me?" Batman asked, ignoring the question.

"Honestly?" Xander asked, smirking.

"No," Batman replied dryly. "Lie to me."

"Oh, well in that case I just mind scanned everyone in the city until I found someone with decent shields."

"You can do that?" Batman looked over at him sharply.

"Of course not," Xander grinned, "You said lie to you."

Batman growled, his grip tightening on the binoculars.

Xander rolled his eyes, still grinning, "Actually I just scryed for you. You should invest in some magical warding, actually. I suspect that three quarters of Gotham are potentially adept enough for a scrying ritual."

"You can't be serious."

"Actually, I'm not. He's a pain in the ass. A real mutt face too," Xander said with a chipper grin, "I'm better looking, and have a much better sense of humor."

"That's open for debate."

Xander rolled his eyes, shrugging, "But I wasn't kidding about Gothamites being magically adept, potentially at least. Most of the city probably registers in the 'squib' range, if I were to judge based on the standards back home."

"Just Gotham?"

"Nah. It's worldwide, best I can tell. This is a high energy dimension, lots of power floating around." Xander shrugged, "Honestly I'm not certain why you don't have millions of magic users like myself running around."

"Homo Magi." Batman said.

"Excuse me?"

"Homo Magi," He repeated, "Most of them left this world centuries ago, the few that are left are extremely insular."

"Huh. I did not know that." Xander said with a nod, "Makes sense. I wonder why they left?"

"Interbreeding with humans was diluting the gene pool."

"Whoa. That's backasswards compared to home," Xander said with a shrug, "Inbreeding was starting to destroy a lot of the bloodlines there. So they packed up and moved out then, huh?"

"So it would appear."

"Homo Magi." Xander nodded, "I always preferred Homo Magus myself."

Batman spared him a sideways look, "Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do."

"Oooh, he here yet?" Xander grinned, looking down.

"Just arrived."

"Cool." Xander smirked, shifting over to where he could see easier while getting comfortable.

"What are you doing?"

"Just taking a show."

Batman glared at the magic user for a long moment, but Xander just smiled genially and didn't make any move to leave. Finally the Bat snapped his hand out, fired off his piton, and was pulled away into the night. Xander watched him go with a smile, then pulled a pack from behind his back and produced a small Joker doll and some various items he'd picked up from the local drug mart.

It was gonna be a hot time in the old town tonight.

Xander flicked open a zippo lighter and smiled, especially for the paste faced denizens.

* * *

"Who turned up the heat anyway?"

The two hulking brutes shrugged and looked at each other in confusion, then glanced over at the female member of the troupe.

"I don't feel hot, Mistah J." Harley said, sounding confused. "It feels a little cool, actually."

"Do I look COOL!?" The Joker growled, pulling her over by her costume until they were face to face, close enough that she could see beads of sweat running down his face in rivulets.

"Uh… You always look cool to me?" She quavered, voice uncertain.

"Bah!" He snapped, tossing her away from him. "Someone turn up the air conditioning!"

Punch and Judy looked at each other, confused, while Harley rubbed her bruised rump as she got to her feet. "But Mistah J, the controls are upstairs, do you want that we should take over the control room?"

Joker snarled, "Why not just send up a Bat Flare why don't you!? Of COURSE I don't want you to take over the control room!"

"But… but…"

"Just get the gas canisters connected to the vents already!" The Joker snapped, throwing a heavy canister at Harley, who caught it with a grunt and fell on her ass again.

"Yes Sir, Mistah J!"

Joker growled as the trio got to work, connecting canisters of Joker Gas to the vents. Despite the ungodly heat, the Clown Prince smiled widely as he looked up at the ceiling above his head, imagining the levels and levels of Gotham's oh so very dedicated civil service that were stationed there.

Imagining their gleeful smiles when his gas was loosed through their offices brought a maniacal chuckle to his throat.

That was about when a hated sound caught his attention just in time for him to see a Batarang bounce the canister from Harley's hands, and a black shadow dropped from above to engulf Punch. As it flowed off the big dolt, Joker scowled as he recognized the Batman himself standing on his fallen henchmen, glaring back at him.

"You're EARLY!" Joker complained, mopping his brow.

"Traffic was light."

"Hey! I make the jokes here, Bat Breath!" Joker snapped, glaring at the caped crusader. "Harley! My gun!"

"Right away, Mistah J!" Harley called, rushing over, only to be tripped up when Batman flung a bolo at her ankles. She hit the ground in a heap, the Thompson skittering away across the floor.

"GET HIM!" Joker yelled at Judy as he dove for the gun.

Judy didn't manage to take a step before the Bat was on him in a whirling mass and the lights went out.

Joker got the gun, rolling to his feet as the Tommy Gun roared, only to find himself shooting at shadows. He raked the room from left to right, and then back again as he cackled.

"Come out Come out wherever you are!" He cackled as he fired the gun dry, it finally clicking on an empty chamber as the Joker let the weapon droop in his hands. "Bats? Bat Breath? Helllllooo?"

Joker frowned, looking around suspiciously. "Did I get him? Could it have been that easy?"

"Not hardly."

Joker 'eeped', the gun clattering to the ground as he closed his eyes. "I don't want to look behind me, do I?"

When there was no response he slowly turned around, squinting one eye open just as the Batman grabbed him by the shirt.

"Momma."

"All this work, fooling Arkham, getting Harley back, and for what? Killing a bunch of civil servants? What's the punchline, Joker?"

"What punchline? You caught me fair and square, Bats. Take me in. I deserve it, after all…" Joker grinned, "I've been a BAD boy."

The Batman leaned in, glaring at the psychotic clown, eyes noting the sweat running down his face. "You're sweating."

"It's HOT in here!"

"It's a record low temperature for this time of year." The Bat countered, lifting the Joker off his feet. "Now TALK!"

The Joker stared back for a long moment, then began to chuckle. His chuckle turned into a cackle that would have unnerved almost any man for five hundred miles.

Almost.

The Batman just glared him down, until the Joker finally stopped and rolled his eyes.

"You're SUCH a stick in the mud, Batsy." Joker said, much put out. "Fine. You want the punch line? How's this one for size… This was just the Distraction!"

Batman started to shake the Joker, but his eye caught a blinking device as it dropped from the clown's sleeve into his hand.

"And if I press this button… the main event starts EARLY." The Joker grinned maniacally, thumb rubbing over a large red button.

Batman dropped him, taking a step back in acknowledgement of the threat.

"What's the play, Joker?"

"Aw, now that would be TELLING, Batsy!" Joker grinned, stepping back, "I'll let you have this one, though. The paper pushers are safe for now. Can you save the others, though?"

Batman took a step forward, but was stopped when the Joker held up the transmitter again.

"Joker… if you…"

"Come on, Batsy! Your line is getting stale!" Joker smirked, "You can't do anything and you know it… This game runs by MY rules…"

A bored sounding voice broke into the conversation, echoing through the basement.

"Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak."

"Who said that!? Who's there?" Joker spun around.

"This standup routine is boring me to tears. I think I'll change the channel…"

"Hey! My routine is dynamite!" Joker yelled, still looking around. "Sometimes literally!"

Xander rolled his eyes from where he was perched in the shadows, "Let's see… Since your standup act is so bad, let's try… maybe some slapstick?"

He smirked, holding the Joker doll in one hand and a spray can in the other. It hissed cheerfully as he waved it around.

Joker growled, still looking for the source of the voice. "Who are you!?"

"Call me… Alexander Magus."

"I'll call you Mu-uuu- WHOAH!" Joker's threat turned to screaming as his feet slid out from underneath him and he hit the ground with a heavy thud.

Joker groaned, rolling over as he gasped for breath. "Who left the banana peel on the ground anyway?"

He forced himself back to his feet, only to instantly lose traction again and slide screaming into a wall, his feet pumping wildly under him but gaining no traction. He hit the wall like a sack of potatoes and slumped in place, shaking his head.

"I'll push the button! I swear!"

"Oh yes… the button." Xander smirked, grabbing the doll's arm and jerking it hard to one side.

The Joker's arm snapped out, flinging the device from his hand and into the air. Just as it was about to hit a wall, an arm clad in black leather reached out to snag it.

"This button?" Xander asked, dropping to the ground and stepping forward but staying in the shadows enough not to be recognized.

"Ah… right. That." The Joker sputtered out, "Well… now that that's all done, I'll just be going and… WHULP!"

Batman, Xander, Harley, Punch and Judy all stared as the Joker lost his footing again and hit the ground… hard.

"Who waxed the world?" The Joker moaned from the ground.

"Not a bad guess," Xander said from the shadows, tossing a can of Pam cooking spray to the floor at the Joker's feet. "But I just did your feet actually."

Joker picked up the can, looking at it, then at his own feet. "When?"

He felt a shiver run down his back when the figure in the shadows leaned forward just slightly, just barely enough to make out his shape a bit better, and whispered loud enough for the sound to echo.

"Whenever I WANT."

"Mommy." Joker whimpered, inching away as best he could.

Before he could say or do anything else, he felt the cold steel of cuffs slap tight around his wrists and turned his head to see the Batman standing over him. Behind the Bat, Punch, Judy, and Harley were all trussed up as well. He sighed.

"Arkhams nice this time of year."

The Bat just grunted as he straightened up.

"So, Bats, who's your new shadow partner anyway?" The Joker asked, completely unperturbed that his latest plan had gone down in flames… figuratively, instead of the literal flames he'd been hoping for.

The Batman ignored him, hauling him to his feet. He managed to stay standing for several seconds before he slipped again, yelping as the batman simply sidestepped and let him hit the ground face first.

"OW!"

* * *

The red lights flashed across their faces as they watched the Joker and his gang being led into the paddy wagon, Xander's expression almost as emotionally distant as the Dark Knight himself.

"What happens to her now?"

"Not my call." Batman said stonily.

"You know, she didn't go entirely willingly."

"She still went." The Bat replied, "If it were the first time, or even in the first five, it might matter… but…"

"Yeah." Xander nodded, "As long as he's alive, she's his puppet."

"So it seems."

A car pulled up as they closed the doors on the van, and James Gordon stepped out. He ignored the other officers for the moment, focusing on the Bat.

"You don't usually hang around this long." He said as he walked over.

"I want to see the Joker locked down personally."

"I see." Gordon nodded, then glanced at Xander, "New Partner?"

"No." Batman replied as Xander laughed.

"Then what are you doing here, kid?"

Xander shrugged, "Joker came into my home. You don't come into a man's home with impunity where I come from."

"So you thought you'd come here and get revenge? That kind of thinking will lead you to a bad end, kid."

Xander smirked, "You want a bad end? Try this?"

Gordon tensed slightly as the young man reached into his pocket, a reaction born of years on the streets, but the Batman didn't budge an inch so Gordon relaxed. His expression changed to confusion when the young man produced a Joker Doll from his pocket. Gordon recognized it from one of the many companies that had tried to cash in on the infamous clown over the years, only to be destroyed by their own inspiration or killed on the market by good taste.

Xander held up the doll, pinching his thumb and forefinger along its back, and then yanked hard.

"AAAYEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!"

Gordon spun to look at the wagon that had been loaded up, then back to Xander. "What the…"

He frowned, looking at the doll closer. "Why does your Joker doll have underwear?"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to give someone a wedgie if they aren't wearing underwear?"

Gordon blinked, "I uh… have no response to that?"

"I do." Batman growled, yanking the doll from Xander's hand. A loud thunk sounded from the van, followed by another yelp of pain. Batman looked closely at the doll, his eyes picking out the green hairs carefully wrapped into the doll's clothing. "A Voodoo doll?"

Xander shrugged, "Not normally my style, but I make exceptions. You want a go?"

Batman glanced over to see Xander offering him a pin. He glared at it for a long moment, more tempted than he was ever going to admit. "No thanks."

"You can't mean that I can just take this," Gordon said, taking the pin from Xander, "And jab it into the doll and…"

He might not have been willing to do it himself, but Batman made no move to stop Gordon when the Commissioner jabbed the pin into the doll. A loud wail followed by a scream from the van caused Gordon to let go of the pin, leaving it stuck in the doll as the screams went on.

"Unless you're planning on asking him questions and threatening him with more," Xander said, plucking the doll back from the Bat and removing the pin. "That stopped being funny about a second ago."

The horrible screams stopped almost instantly.

"That's impossible." Gordon stammered.

"You want to stick him again?" Xander offered, extending the doll.

Gordon backed away, shaking his head.

"Can I?"

The three of them turned to see Robin standing behind Batman, reaching for the doll. The Bat grabbed his wrist in mid motion.

"No."

Xander shrugged and shoved the doll back in his pocket. "Suit yourself."

"Voodoo is black magic."

"Actually, it's a religion." Xander corrected, "But this isn't voodoo."

"Looks like it to me, son." Gordon countered warily.

"Naw. Voodoo is a religion, I'm a Wizard. I don't need to call on Gods and Spirits to power my charms." Xander said with a shrug, "Safer that way, though often not as powerful."

The Batman glared at him for a long moment, then turned away as the police wagon pulled away, his piton firing into the air before he was drawn up, up, and away. Robin glanced at them for a minute, then shrugged and swung off himself.

Xander smirked, watching the capes flutter off into the night, "Just curious, Commissioner, but did he always swing off like that?"

"Now that you mention it, no. Back when he first showed up he tended to vanish into shadows more, sometimes jump into his car and drive off."

"So, just curious, but did the whole 'bat line' thing come about before or after Superman showed up in Metropolis?" Xander asked, grinning.

"You know, now that I think about it…"

James Gordon and Xander looked at each other for a long moment, then both broke down laughing gales as every cop remaining in the area looked at them like they were both nuts.

Xander slowly recovered from the laughter, but still smirked widely as he straightened up. "Cape envy."

Gordon shook his head, holding back the laughter. "Kid, you're alright. Crazy as a loon, but alright."

"Come from you sir, I'll take the compliment." Xander said, smiling, but as his eyes fell on the road the van had taken he sighed a little sadly.

"Something the matter?"

"You knew Quinn was staying with me?"

"It crossed my desk."

"It's a waste." Xander said, shaking his head. "She really loves that lunatic."

"They say love is blind," Gordon shrugged, "I guess it'd have to be."

Xander snorted, shooting Gordon a sideways glance. "It's too bad. She's is smoking hot."

"Did you two…?"

Xander shook his head, "No. I'm not taking second place to that nutjob, doesn't matter how hot she is."

"It's probably for the best, son." Gordon sighed, shaking his head. He got a radio call, telling him that Joker's explosives had been located and disarmed, and he sighed again. "Thank god. It's been a hell of a night. I need a drink."

"You know any good places? First round's on me." Xander offered.

Gordon flipped on his radio, "This is Gordon, I'm clocking out. Anyone needs me, I'll be at the Haunt for an hour, then I'm going home."

"Roger."

Gordon nodded to his car, "Hop in."

Xander crossed the front of the car, admiring the late fifties design of the vehicle as he popped open the suicide door on the passenger's side and climbed in. "I love these old cars."

Gordon shot him a strange look, "She's no spring chicken, but the department just updated its fleet a couple years ago."

Xander smiled weakly, "Yeah. Gotham Motors, right?"

"GM Springbok, with the full police package." Gordon confirmed, nodding as they roared off. "Custom engine, custom suspension, and turbocharged all the way. It's not the batmobile, but it'll keep pace with most of the hotrods the local lunatics piece together."

"They haven't made cars like this in fifty odd years, where I come from." Xander said with a shrug.

"And just where is that?" Gordon blinked.

"I'm a Cali boy, so other side of the country… and oh, about a thousand dimensions down the power chain."

"Pardon me?"

Xander laughed ruefully, "I'm not local is what I'm saying. You've heard about some of the whole alternate dimension adventures of the Cape types, right?"

"Vaguely." Gordon replied, his voice dry.

"Same deal. Except I'm not important enough to have an evil twin…" Xander shrugged, "or a good one for that matter."

"Seems to me that would be a relief." Gordon offered a smile.

Xander nodded, "Yeah. I so don't need that drama. Have enough already."

"You do look a little like an actor my Barb watches on TV, or used to anyway." Gordon said, offering up some consolation with a wry grin, "He's a bit marshmellowy compared to you, but take what you can get, right?"

Xander laughed, nodding. "Yeah, I suppose so."

Gordon chuckled as he pulled into a spot and nodded to a sign that hung above them. "We're here."

Xander got out, checking out the sign. "The Old Haunt, huh? Sounds like my kind of place."

"No ghosts here, kid, if that's what you're talking about." Gordon said, shoving his hands in his pocket as they walked over to the stairwell leading down to the bar's entrance. "It's become an unofficial cop bar in these parts since it came under new ownership."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Gordon opened the door, holding it for Xander to walk in, then followed.

"Sir! Didn't expect to see you here tonight," A Black man said, walking over with a drink in hand.

"Roy, I'm off duty."

"Sorry Sir," Roy Montgomery said with a smile, "Habit, you know?"

Gordon sat down at the bar, nodding to the bartender. "The usual. First rounds on my friend."

"Oh yeah, that hold for everyone?" Roy asked with a smirk.

Xander rolled his eyes, "tell you what, you got a badge, I'll pick up a round. What do I care, it's Wayne's money."

About half the bar roared out an order for drinks as the word spread down the line. Xander laughed ruefully, shaking his head.

"So, Commissioner," A tall, ruggedly handsome, man who looked in his early thirties or so slipped into a seat on the other side of Xander, "What brings you to the Old Haunt tonight?"

"Long night." Gordon said, "Needed a drink and my friend here offered to buy."

"And got roped into buying for half the cops in town." Xander said dryly, tossing some cash down on the bar.

"That's cops for you," Gordon shrugged, "Even the honest ones will find some way to swindle you out of your life savings if it means free drinks."

"Hey! My men resemble that remark." Montgomery grinned, then turned more serious. "I heard that the clown boy was back on the town."

Gordon nodded, "The Bat and my friend here took him down."

"The Bat?" The man on Xander's other side looked excited, "You met the Bat? You WORKED with the Bat?"

Xander flinched away from him, eyes wide.

"Lead the poor guy alone, Castle." A woman sighed, grabbing him by the ear and pulling him away from Xander.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"That's Rick Castle," Gordon said, "He's a big time mystery writer and something of a superhero fanboy."

"Hey! I object to that!" Castle said, extricating himself from the woman's grip, "I'm all FanMAN."

The woman rolled her eyes, and extended her hand to Xander, "Detective Beckett…"

"Alexander Magus." Xander said calmly, with a smile.

Gordon shot him an odd look, but didn't comment.

"So you really took down the Joker?" She eyed him skeptically.

Xander shrugged.

"Forget the clown, you really worked with the Bat?" Castle leaned over her shoulder, face eager.

Xander leaned back a little, but nodded.

"That's SO cool." Castle grinned until Beckett shoved him back into his seat.

"Ignore him, he's just cheesed cause he and the Bat are never at the same crime scenes." She said, "I keep telling him that the Bat doesn't DO normal crime."

"He always seems to take off just before I get there." Castle pouted.

Xander really couldn't help it, he smirked at the man, "Never see the two of them in the same place, huh?"

"Nope."

"And the Bat vanishes just before Castle walks in?" Xander continued, nodding.

"It has happened."

"Huh."

Beckett stared at Xander for a moment, then snapped back to look at Castle closely.

"What? What are you looking at?" He stammered, falling back as she leaned in closer.

"Nah…" She said, shaking her head. "The Jaw's all wrong. Castle here has this wimpy glass jaw…"

"Hey!"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

"I am uncertain as to what, precisely, you want from me this time, Batman."

"An evaluation." The bat masked man growled.

The man known as Fate shrugged as he turned to look back at the old Biodome facility in the distance. "He's certainly a Mage, with adequate power levels from what I can tell. Not on my own level, nor that of a full blooded Homo Magi, but certainly more than the average."

"That's it?"

"I really don't know what to tell you," Fate shrugged, "I'm Fate, not God. He has a clouded aura, which means almost nothing aside from the fact that his past has not been easy, or violence free. However, you already said that he had implied having been a soldier in a war, so that tells us nothing new. The only thing I can say with some certainty that you haven't already worked out on your own is that he has been touched by chaos."

Batman raised an eyebrow, "Really."

Fate nodded, holding up a hand, "He is not OF Chaos, Batman… merely touched by it. In that, he is hardly alone. You too were once touched by the hand of chaos, an event that set you on your current path."

Batman glared at the man in gold for a moment, then turned away, "point taken."

"That said, this is different. He was clearly at the focus of a Chaos Event, whether as instigator or bystander, I do not know." Fate said, his frown deepening. "He has also been at the focus of at least one… Call it, Order Event. Again, I cannot say if he was directly involved, or merely present… however he has the touch of Prophecy."

"Great." Batman looked disgusted.

Fate smiled under his helm, "If nothing else, you have yourself another nexus in Gotham. For that, you have my sympathies."

Batman scowled, but didn't reply. He knew that he himself was a Nexus by that definition, as were most Costumed heroes. Having one more in Gotham was a pain, but not surprise or even a serious problem. He finally sighed, "Fine. And his security?"

"The wards?" Fate said thoughtfully, "They're impressive, but woefully underpowered. I suspect that's due to the lack of a focus, which is why he has lightning rods setup on the building."

"Electricity can power them?"

"Yes, but the conversion is inefficient. I suspect that he's powering them now from the grid, but it will be months before they charge that way… or longer." Fate said, "One or two lightning strikes will bring them to full power, however."

Batman considered that, "We'll be out of the season soon, so unless he gets a lucky hit…"

"His wards will likely remain at low ebb for the near future, yes."

That was a problem.

There were a growing number if sensitive items and research in that building, things that were of great interest to a lot of very nasty people. It was in the best interest of Wayne Enterprises, and likely Gotham City and the Nation, that security on those projects were held to the highest of standards. That said, it went against the grain to bring even more magic into his life.

"The Voodoo doll does concern me slightly," Fate was speaking again, drawing his attention, "But if what he told you was true and he powered it from his own core, then it's not a huge concern."

"Why?"

"Because most Gods that would grant power to a Totem in order to control or torture a sentient being are…" Fate paused to consider his words, "not very nice."

Batman shot him a sideways glare, then rolled his eyes. "Right."

"If he powered it himself, however, he nicely sidesteps all the usual dangers of magical law." Fate went on, "The Wiccan Threefold rule, the Wrath of Voodoo Gods, they'll all apply only to magic that calls on external powers. Actions made by an individual, using the individuals own manna, are between him and his soul and are not the affairs of any other."

"That doesn't make it right."

"No, but it doesn't make it wrong either." Fate shrugged, "It makes it very… human."

Batman snorted, "Which gives me nothing to go on."

"Such is existence." Fate shrugged again, "If you wanted easy answers, you should have called Superman."

"Right. He'd have told me the kid hasn't broken any laws, leave him be."

"Like I said, easy answer."

Batman ignored the mild sarcasm present in Fate's voice. "About this focus he needs…"

Fate shrugged, "That could be as simple as common charm…"

"He'd have acquired it by now if it were."

"Or as complicated as some ancient god touched gemstone." Fate finished without missing a beat, ignoring the Bat's tone. "It all depends on the nature of his magical training more than anything else."

Batman nodded, "And if that training where at, say, Hogwarts?"

Fate turned to stare for a long moment.

"You're joking."

"Am I?"

"You always bring me the weird ones, you know that, right?" Fate sighed.

"Help me figure this out and I won't tell Inza that you read Harry Potter."

Fate snorted, "Who do you think got me into them?"

Batman merely stared for a long moment.

"Fine." Fate sighed, "Ok. So he needs a wand, based on wood and a core from a Magical creature. That's easier said than done, but not impossible. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"He's done a lot to help," Batman said, "He deserves at least a chance to look for a way home."

Fate nodded, "Right. Ok, let's go."

A golden Ankh grew from a point of light, swallowed the duo, and then shrank to nothingness again, leaving an empty field behind.

* * *

Xander felt the wards trip and bolted upright, startling Ivy who was working quietly with her plants. Since Harley went back to Arkham, Ivy had drawn more into herself. She wasn't regressing to a violent persona, but she was losing interest in almost everything around her, including Xander's company for what that had ever been worth. Xander had watched, but was at a loss to do anything about it, psychology had never been his strong suit.

Now, though, she was aware as she and Xander snapped around. His connection to the wards told him something was coming, but she could feel the energy building as well until it reached a cascade and a brilliant golden light erupted in the center of the room.

Xander calmed down slightly as he recognized the two figures appearing from the golden Ankh.

"I have a door, you realize." He muttered, rolling his eyes, noting Ivy leaving the room silently after recognizing the Batman among the visitors.

That could be a problem in the long term, he thought.

"Ah, but this is so much more… theatrical." Fate said, humor in his tone.

Xander looked between the Dark Knight and the Champion of Order, then shook his head. "I hope to hell this is a social call, because I SO don't want to know what possible apocalyptic scenario would bring you two here to me on business."

"No apocalypse, Alexander. It is Alexander, correct?"

"Xander to my pals, Alexander is fine if you prefer it." Xander nodded, "So… no apocalypse, that's always good. Why are you here, Doctor? Not that I'm complaining, I've been hoping to run into you at some point."

"Indeed. Why didn't you just ask Batman or Zatanna?"

"Me? A Wizard? Ask the Bat? To meet Doctor FATE?" Xander laughed, "I'd sooner yell bomb in an airport."

Fate chuckled, "Most people don't come to realize that so quickly."

"Momma Harris didn't raise no fool." Xander replied glibly, grinning. "Though she did raise a smart ass and a bit of a lunatic."

"Indeed." Fate looked around, "impressive facility. Mandrake plots? I thought the species extinct."

"Wayne Enterprises and I have managed to Jurassic Park them back to life," Xander shrugged.

"Jurassic what?"

"Never mind," Xander raved a hand, "We pulled pollen and plant fibers from fossil records. Wayne's techs were able to rebuild the plant genome, I provided the magical know how on growing mediums."

"I see. Most impressive."

He wasn't kidding, either. The level of cooperation between magic and science present in this one building was staggering, and quite beyond anything he'd seen in his very long life. It wasn't strictly unknown for people to dabble in mixing the two, of course. Actually it was quite common, truth be told. What was less common was for it to actually work.

Another difference he noted, however, was the method to the madness. Alexander wasn't mixing magic and technology, not strictly speaking. He was letting each do the job they were best at, but keeping them largely separate at the same time.

All things considered it was a great deal more realistic than most approaches to the problem.

"So, back to the reason you're here…" Xander nudged.

"You've been packing." Batman stated.

"I need to look for some things, I've taken steps to ensure that my responsibilities here are covered." Xander replied, a little defensively.

"You need a focus." Fate said, "Or the materials for one, am I correct?"

Xander nodded slowly, "Yesss…."

"Perhaps you don't need to be going anyway." Fate said, "I may be able to provide… certain materials."

Xander twisted to look at him fully, eyes narrowing slightly, "Why?"

"Because you have been spoken for."

Xander glanced at the Bat, but the man in black didn't so much as twitch. Inside he was practically screaming with joy, Doctor Fate was one of the few people on the planet who would almost certainly have what he needed, but he'd always know that he'd need an iron clad recommendation to get his foot in that door, so to speak. Now it seemed like he'd earned one, from Batman no less.

He slowly nodded, "Thank you."

"All I ask is that you try not to make me regret it," Fate said seriously, "I can taste the chaos on you."

"Hey that wasn't ME." Xander blurted, "Stupid Halloween costume…"

That muttered comment raised an eyebrow under Fate's helm, "Something tells me that there's a story there."

"Yeah, it starts with an idiot chaos mage and his idea of a prank." Xander muttered, shaking his head. "It's a miracle as few people died as did… Well, a miracle and the actions of a few bad guys who turned out to be deeper than you'd expect."

Xander shook his head, "I don't like to think about that night much."

"I understand. Chaos can have that effect."

"It's not chaos that bothers me, Doc." Xander said, smirking darkly as the dark memories of that Halloween night. "It's evil. You don't unleash that kind of crap on kids trick or treating."

Fate nodded slowly, shivering at the thought of the pure chaos he read in the young man's aura being unleashed on school children. It took a moment before he realized that the barely out of his teens man was probably one of those same children.

"Pure Chaos has no morality." He said finally.

"Pure Order has no flexibility," Xander countered with an easy smile.

Fate dipped his head, "Which is why I, though a Champion of Order, am an Agent of Balance."

"Nice gig if you can get it."

"Indeed."

"If you two are done, I have patrols to complete." Batman spoke up, growing tired of the hidden meanings and veiled comments the two were spewing. Normally he might enjoy the exercise of working out the meanings and dropping a few bombs in the mix to let them know they weren't as mysterious as they thought, but he really did have things to do, plus magic gave him migraines.

"Of course, I can handle things from here."

"Fine." Batman pivoted and strode out the door, pressing a button on his belt as he did.

"Whoa. He's using the DOOR!" Harris called after him. "Are you SURE you didn't bring an imposter?"

"Reasonably so." Fate said as the door closed behind him.

Batman growled under his breath as he stepped out just as the Batmobile screeched to a halt in front of him. He made a note to annoy Fate and Harris further in the future as he jumped in and roared away.

* * *

After the Bat had gone, Fate turned back to Xander with humor still lacing his voice. "I do believe he flinched when you asked if he was an imposter."

"Hard to tell under that cape," Xander shrugged, grinning, "But I did think I saw his ears twitch."

Fate chuckled, nodding, "Ah now that makes the night worthwhile. Alright, fun's fun, but back to the affair at hand. Batman informed me of your origins, and your need for specific materials to build a focus."

Xander nodded, "Magical animals aren't the easiest to locate here."

"No," Fate admitted with a shake of his head, "Most were rendered extinct or removed from the world at large centuries ago. Is there anything specific you need?"

"Not really, I can get by with almost anything, given my construction techniques." Xander said, "Darker creatures, those known to align with evil, will provide better pure combat potential… creatures with healing abilities will tend to provide more effective charms power, and so on. The ideal for me would be a light aligned creature with good combat power and the ability to transform itself."

"Not asking for much are we?" Fate asked dryly.

Xander waved him off, "I said ideal. I can easily get by with something less special, but a few feathers from an elemental phoenix would be a dream."

"I can see why." Fate acknowledged. "Those are quite rare."

"You're telling me?" Xander grinned, "Believe me I know. It was years before I scored a thunderbird feather back home."

Doctor Fate nodded, considering the things he'd collected over the centuries. Finally he nodded, "I may be able to help you, in exchange I would be very interested in a brief on how your focus construction works?"

Xander nodded slowly in turn, "I think that can be arranged, Doctor."

* * *

The man known as Doctor Fate had lived a long time, been many people even. He'd been a hero for much of that time, some of his life however he felt he'd been the opposite. In all those years, he'd studied the energy others called magic to a level very few ever reached, it was even rare that he be surprised by it.

Now was one of those times.

Alexander was an interesting source of unusual information, it was so like the Bat to happen on someone like this and wind up with them cooking up potions for him. Kent wouldn't go so far as to call it a waste, but it was an amusing sideline for someone with Alexander's rather unique skillset.

Most practicing mages tend to develop along predictable lines, he'd found. The most common was the 'Magician', which was basically a Generalist sort of Practitioner. Jacks of all Trades, Master of None, the Magician covered a great many roles but basically boiled down to someone who tended to use magic the way normal people used household appliances. Badly.

Another was the Warrior, Battlemage, or whatever you wanted to call it. Not actually a very common architype, in his experience, due to the extreme conditioning needed to even survive true battle magics.

The Scholar was probably the second most common, not that most people realized it. Scholars rarely poked their heads up from their books, and so were generally unknown to all but a few people like Fate himself, or the Batman of course. You have to look for a scholar to find one.

Alexander, however, didn't fit any of those molds and Kent was somewhat refreshed by that. The closest he could come to categorizing the young man would probably be a Technomagus, but that was misleading. Alexander didn't mix technology and magic, he used the concepts from one to magnify the effects of the other. That practice had given him a very good grounding in many of the basic concepts of Magic and Technology that were overlooked by most even when dabbling in both.

Locating suitable core materials for his wand was actually a pleasure, though he had been forced to part with a few of the rarer items in his admittedly… cluttered collection, but the young man's easy attitude and casual conversation about technical subjects even most Mages ignore was really quite stimulating. After the brief visit to his tower, they returned to Xander's labs under the biosphere facility, and Fate got to watch as the younger man got to work.

"Most people make the mistake of assuming a Wand is merely a focus," Xander said as he extracted a Pegasii feather from an Native American Dreamcatcher Fate had picked up… well, somewhere.

"Aren't they, though?" Fate asked, ignoring the destruction of what many would consider a priceless mystical antique.

"Not hardly," Xander shook his head as he prepped a simple graphite blank. "It all stems from a truly atrocious lack of curiosity on the part of most Wizards. Even intelligent researchers in my world are less than likely to care about HOW something works, only that it does. Now, I can't swear to it for certain, God knows that Families like the Ollivander's don't advertise their true knowledge… but I think that the first wand was made by accident, and while the Makers were more than intelligent enough to begin working out the hows and whys, the family instead focused on the more immediately practical question of 'what'."

Fate nodded as he watched Xander drop the feather lightly into the blank and seal it up, then casually flick the wand. It sprayed a few sparks into the air, blues and greens cascading in a limp and drab display to the floor.

"Pegasi Feather," Xander spoke up, clearly and in the direction of his desk. "Medium connection, favors charms. Likely flight empathy, will require further tests to be certain."

When he finished that he turned back to Fate as if he hadn't just spoke to thin air and went on, "The real genius of Wands in my world is that they're so much more than just a magical focus, they actually act as a Transformer, changing energy types as needed to cast the intended spell."

"Really? That is interesting. So that's why some materials are better for some spells?"

"Exactly." Xander nodded, "Curse and Charms, for example, have very different energy frequencies. I classify curses as 'Red' frequency spells, and Charms as 'Green'. Warding tends to fall into the Blue spectrum, if we continue to use colors as a base, because they're basically the very opposite of Curses."

"I see, and what frequency do mages naturally put out?"

"Variations of White," Xander shrugged, "It depends on a lot of factors, honestly. Some people are red tinted, some are blue. You'll always know a warrior by the red tint to his magical aura, healers tend to Doppler green, warders blue obviously."

"You mean they'll take on the color of their profession?"

Xander blinked, looking up in surprise. "Oh, no not what I meant at all. Sorry. I was referring to natural inclination, not training."

"Ah." Fate nodded, understanding. "You have a method of determining inclination then?"

"Uh, yeah?" Xander looked confused again, "I told you… check their magical aura."

"And mine would be?"

"Oh, you mean NOW. No, I can't check now. I haven't any of my gear." Xander shrugged, picking up a stuffed bird Fate had taken from a particularly nasty big game hunter in Africa about two and a half centuries earlier. "This almost appears to be a Thunderbird, but I thought they were North American?"

"Bird of Paradise, actually. When it was alive it was able to change its appearance at will."

"Ah. Elemental?"

Fate nodded, "Light Elemental, I suppose. Most of its powers are photonic."

"Cool," Xander said, plucking a feather from the stuffed bird while hiding a wince and a whisper, "I apologize, friend."

"On the previous topic," Fate broke in a moment later, "I can read auras, and I assure you that those colors don't mean that."

"Ah, no, I said Magical Auras of course." Xander corrected him, "You can't read those until the person is casting. Tricky bit of magic too. Basically the person needs to be pushing their magic out, otherwise it's buried inside their… I don't know what to call it, Soul Aura?"

"Close enough." Fate nodded thoughtfully, "I had noticed some distinctions in color when facing magical foes in mid spell, but it's an uncommon enough situation for me that I didn't look for patterns."

Xander shrugged, "Mage sight, right?"

"Essentially."

"Tricky." Xander said, feeding the feather into another carbon blank, "I use a charm invented by Albus Dumbledore myself. It's not as… intuitive as Mage Sight, but it does tend to be more reliable and reproducible."

"Two factors that are vital to any serious examination," Fate said simply.

"Exactly." Xander capped the wand and gave it a simple wave. The force of the sparks this time was far greater, and Fate noted several colors from across the spectrum. "Hmmm… Bird of Paradise Feather, Strong Medium Connection, Favors Charms… decent multipurpose transformer."

He set the blank down next to the first one and glanced over the items Fate had been willing to loan him.

"Anyway," Xander said as he worked, "As I was saying, a good wand is an efficient transformer of magical energy… it functions similarly to a step up or step down transformer in electronics, shifting the frequency of magical energy to what is best suited for the desired spell."

"Impressive."

"It's what puts me and mine on the same level as you and yours," Xander smirked to himself, "Even though you have at least an entire order of magnitude greater power than I do."

"And if I were to use one of your wands?" Fate asked, amused.

"After the better part of a decade training in it? I'm sure you'd be frighteningly powerful, for about two seconds before you burnt it out." Xander replied in kind, smirking visibly as he half turned, "well… burnt out any normal wand, at least. One of mine would probably last you a while longer."

"Oh?"

"I use sub-molecular manipulation to create a near superconducting sheath," Xander explained, "Very little energy is diverted to waste heat in my wands."

"I'm not sure what impresses me more," Fate admitted, "The fact that you came up with an idea like that, or the fact that you made it work."

"I didn't come up with it." Xander shrugged, eyeing a feathered serpent he'd picked up. "It was in a science journal back home, scientists were playing with Carbon Nanotubes and they discovered that if they aligned them just right the electrical resistance dropped massively. Willow mentioned it to me, it sounded useful, so we went to work. I don't work alone, Doc, I work with the best."

The statement was one he had heard before, but the confident smile the young man gave as he said it brought a smile to Kent Nelson's lips in return. "I suppose that makes your wands superior to Ollivander's then?"

He was mildly surprised when Xander just shrugged.

"Eh, it's a near thing in some ways. Ollivander makes far better generalist wands than I do," He said with a mild frown, "And there's actually a bi directional link between a matched wand and a wizard, something I've never been able to duplicate."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Ollivander Wands, and most wands from my world, are at least partially sentient." Xander replied, "They can choose their wizard, in limited fashion, and either help or hinder their wielder. A well matched, willing, wand actually adds energy to the caster's spells. Mine don't do that."

Xander sighed, shrugging, "Mine are just tools."

"I see." Fate said thoughtfully, pondering on that. "Are you certain? Is there some quantifiable test?"

"No, not really, and no I'm not." Xander said, with a wry smile. "Sentience is a bit of a pain to test for under ideal circumstances. But I've seen wands submit and resist wizards, I know that Ollivander wands have that spark. It's one of the questions that keep me up nights, wondering what the difference is… and if I'm somehow 'killing' the spark when I make a wand. I just don't know."

Kent pondered that as he watched Xander tease out a scaled feather from the Quetzal, a magical serpent that had been worshipped in Mesoamerica as a deity, and carefully prepared another blank. The idea that such a common focus, or whatever it was that a wand really was, could actually be alive and sentient… that was a sobering thought. From one perspective, he could understand the frustration and concerns the young man had, the idea of killing that 'spark' as he described it, well it was a revolting thought.

On the other hand, if the spark was created during the process of making the wand, then it brought up another moral quandary to Kent's mind. Were wizards who used those sort of focus benefiting from the enslavement of another… well, species seemed off slightly, but group of entities at least?

The implications were disturbing, enough so that he made a note to check into similar mystical devices in this world, if only to ensure that he wasn't permitting such an enslavement to go on right under his nose.

There was, of course, the possibility… even probability, he surmised, that wands were actually more symbiotic in nature and enslavement was entirely the wrong word, but he would have to confirm the details for himself before making any plans of action.

"Hmmm…" Xander's pondering voice brought his attention back, "Quetzal scale and feather… Very unusual. Strong magical connection, but very, VERY narrow application. I actually think this is the most perfect healer's core I've ever seen. Pity I'm not a trained a healer."

Fate watched as he set the blank down with the others, carefully marking it off in blue and green banded tape before turning back.

"Do you mind if I keep a few samples beyond what I need for a wand?"

"Please, feel free, so long as you let me know what, if anything, you discover about them."

Xander tipped his head, "Of course. As I said, this flying serpent is… remarkable. A near perfect healer's core, I think just waiting on one more ingredient to be the ultimate healing tool."

"Oh? And that would be…?"

"A Parselmouth Wizard trained in healing." Xander smiled, eyes glinting. "Unfortunately, I only know of two… well, one now, and he's a Warrior Born, sadly."

Fate raised an eyebrow, "Potter, I presume?"

Xander nodded.

"And the other was Voldemort, of course."

"Yup. Scholar born, that one." Xander said, "Would have made a great healer, too bad he was a bloody loony."

"Scholar? Really? Not Warrior?"

Xander snorted, "Not even close. Riddle's magical aura was blue shifted, though just barely. He was actually one of the more balanced wizards I've ever encountered, his core was almost pure white. No, his strength was his mind, not his martial prowess."

It was unusual, Fate thought, to casually describe a man who had committed so many atrocities as having a 'pure white' core. However he did understand that the Magical Aura Alexander was referring to wasn't something with moral connotations.

"Just goes to show that your magical inclination is no guarantee of how you turn out." Xander shrugged, "Potter's aura is almost blood red, we're talking about a guy who could match Riddle at his peak with only a few years of training… Warrior born doesn't even come close to describing him, but you know the man himself? Total pansy."

Fate blinked as Xander laughed, still working.

"I love Harry, I really do. Great guy, but jeez he's such a gloomy little shit, and he's about two shakes from calling himself Mahatma Potter and swearing off violence forever." Xander chuckled, shaking his head.

"Would that truly be so horrible?"

Xander turned to look at fate, his face serious, "I don't know, you tell me how bad it would suck if Superman moved into a monastery for the rest of his life."

Fate considered it, then thought of all the good Clark did in his life, not to mention the evils he faced that almost no one else on the planet could. "Ah."

"Yeah. Luckily Harry's got some redeeming qualities too," Xander smirked wryly. "Including the fact that he'll commit cold blooded murder for his family and friends, no hesitation, no guilt."

"Most wouldn't consider that a redeeming quality."

"Most don't live at the center of every crisis their world has to offer."

"Touché." Fate conceded with a tilt of his head.

Xander examined the samples he'd collected and straightened up, "I think I've got enough here to build myself a decent wand, the actual work is going to have to wait for the morning though."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I have to do it in one setting," Xander said, "And that's going to take some rest first. If you'd care to be present I can offer you a spare room?"

"Thank you, no." Fate shook his head, "I will retire to the tower. May I return?"

"Please. The chance to speak with Doctor Fate about magic is something I'd never turn down." Xander grinned, extending a hand.

Fate accepted it and they shook firmly as Kent decided that he would be returning fairly often to see this most interesting young man. If for no other reason than simply for the conversation.

"I will return." He said as he dropped his grip and stepped back just as a Golden Ankh enveloped him.

Xander grinned, shaking his head. "So very cool."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

When Fate returned to the young man's magical laboratory the next day he found Xander already hard at work with a wand in hand, stooped over a black length of what he presumed was carbon or graphite from their previous conversations.

"Hey." Xander said, not looking up, "Focusing here, be with you in a sec."

Fate merely nodded, relaxing in position as he observed the magical fields the young man was manipulating, He was impressed, actually, just from watching. The level of fine manipulation was something he'd rarely seen, and never by a human. The young man was actually changing atomic bonds one by one, altering the composition of the carbon he was working with and aligning the resulting molecules.

From Fate's perspective the process was remarkably fast, bonds flipping and joining in a mad minute of activity before falling back to a stable form. Xander sighed a moment later and straightened up, stretching out his muscles before grabbing a bottle of water and taking a deep pull from it.

"Ah. Needed that, sorry to ignore you, Doc," Xander said as he turned.

"Please, think nothing of it." Fate replied, "Though I admit to being surprised, I thought you said it would take most of the day to make a wand?"

Xander followed his gaze to the wand in his hand and shrugged, "This? This is a temp. Decent enough at transfiguration, but crap for everything else. I tossed it together so I could prep the carbon blank for the real wand."

"Ah." Fate nodded. It made a certain amount of sense, he supposed. Constructing crude tools so one could construct better tools, it was an old story.

"I just finished aligning the superconductive paths along the Carbon Blank," Xander told him, flicking his temp wand at the blank and shrinking it down. He levitated it shakily until it finally slid into the wood blank he'd had custom cut by the Wayne Tech fabricator. "Now I just have to join the wood and carbon blanks together…."

With a thought Xander canceled the sizing charm and the carbon blank snapped back to full size, fitting into the slots cut from the wood, and merging into a single wand.

"And we're ready for the core." Xander set down his wand and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Damn that temp wand takes it out of me."

"I can see that. Is it truly that weak?" Fate asked, genuinely curious.

"Yes and no," Xander shrugged as he took a seat to relax a bit. "It's not about weak or strong, it's really a combination of things… the main factor being that it's not really tuned into my core, so it's very inefficient at converting the energies I produce."

"I see."

"Not too much left to do now," Xander said as he picked up a bottle of water and took a long pull. "Just fine tuning mostly, so it works well for me."

Fate nodded, turning his attention to the sizeable workshop, "You have many projects I see."

Xander nodded, getting up, "Yeah. Mostly just rebuilding my lost gear for now."

Fate paused by a dark grey and black two piece costume that looked suspiciously familiar. "Planning on joining the Bat on patrol?"

Xander chuckled, "Not really. I got the material from Wayne Corps and I've been designing something that's rugged enough to take a beating if I need it, but doesn't look too spandex-y so I can wear it normally."

"Keep designing." Fate said dryly.

"Sue me, I'm no fashion designer." Xander shrugged, "Coming from a guy wearing gold and blue body paint, though, I'm not going to worry much."

"I'll have you know this is the finest magical silk." Fate replied, his tone mock affronted.

"Right. Whatever you say, Doc." Xander smirked, nodding at the clothing in question, "That's just one mode anyway."

"Mode?"

"Yeah, I… you know what, here…" Xander picked up his spell phone and snapped it open, keying in the address to his library back home. After a few moments twiddling, he located the section on clothing, then found his way into tailoring charms before handing it over to Fate.

The Master Sorcerer glanced at the device briefly, then read the information on the screen and did a double take almost instantly. "This is linked to a library?"

Xander nodded, "Yeah. We're working on Google charms, but those algorithms they use are INSANE. So for now it's indexed by subject, no specific searches possible."

"Even so, you have access to your library across dimensional barriers?" Fate had to admit, he was impressed. Even he had to go home to check his library, though to be fair between his own mind and the Helm, that was a rare need indeed. "Most impressive."

Xander shrugged it off, "Not actually designed for that, just worked out that way."

"You honestly didn't know that the spell you used to enchant this device would work across dimensional barriers?"

"I had hope," Xander admitted, "We'd tested it over distance back home, so I knew it was instant communication, even over several light minutes…"

"I see. An impressive device indeed." Fate acknowledged.

"The Protean is probably the most powerful spell I know," Xander said thoughtfully. "Its capacity for making force multipliers is just… awesome."

Xander was grinning like a loon as he said the last word, causing Fate to rethink asking him to explain that bit. He instead turned his focus back to the suit they had been speaking of.

"So with your tailors charms," Fate actually had a hard time saying those words, the implications of a society in which magic was so common as to have standardized clothing charms was just… staggering, "You plan on having the clothing alter itself according to need?"

"Yeah. That's another reason why I grabbed the Carbon Fiber material from Wayne Tech," Xander said, "Carbon takes an enchantment really well, and in this form its excellent armor against pretty much any non-magical attack."

"What about Magical?"

Xander snorted, "Not so good. Carbon conducts magic, so it's kinda like wearing plate armor in a thunderstorm, you know?"

Kent winced under his helm, "I see."

"Yeah, I should tell the Bat that if he's planning on taking on any magical opponents he's better off with Nightwings costume." Xander said, "The synthetic polymers in Kevlar insulate pretty well against magic. I've seen cops back home get up from some light to medium curses, if they were packing a vest and got hit in the chest."

"I knew that magic had a lesser effect on synthetics, but I don't believe I ever ran into that." He admitted.

"It's not the synthetic part," Xander said, "Kevlar is hydrocarbon based, so technically it can conduct a charge almost as well as pure carbon… but it's molecules are so tangled up that the magic keeps hitting dead ends as it tries to pass through it. We figured that out in a firefight with some munchers, a cop decided to get involved and nearly got himself cut in half for his trouble. He was wearing, though it nearly killed him anyway."

Xander chuckled, "Munchers never knew what hit them when he blew their brains out after they walked over his 'dead' body. You should have seen the looks on our faces…"

"Your faces, don't you mean their faces?"

"They were dead." Xander said flatly, "It was me and Harry who were trying to pick our jaws up off the ground."

Doctor Fate paused for a moment, then slowly chuckled, "Point. You know, it is somewhat disconcerting to hear of Harry Potter being a real person."

Xander shrugged, "Known him since I was eleven. Good guy, bit of a pansy unless you push his buttons… if you're dumb enough to do that, well Merlin save your soul cause no one else is likely to have a chance."

Fate nodded, "Still… it's a very strange feeling to speak of fictional characters as if they were real."

You're telling me, Xander thought wryly, you should trying speaking to them.

Aloud he merely hummed slightly as he nodded.

"What was school like?" Fate asked, genuinely curious. He'd read the books, but they of course only focused on the key players, and their school lives were anything but normal. At least, he hoped that was true.

Xander shrugged again, "School was school I guess. I did pretty well, up until I quit in fifth year anyway."

"You didn't finish school?"

Xander shook his head, "Wrote my OWLS back in the states. I had… things to do back home."

Fate could literally hear the warning signs thrown up around that statement and carefully edged away from them. "I see. And before that?"

"I loved Hogwarts," Xander admitted, "Me and Wednesday were tight, Hermione was always around, and helping Harry live through whatever crap he had coming down on his head that particular year was always good for a laugh."

"Wednesday? Addams, correct?" Fate remembered Batman's briefing.

Xander nodded.

"I'm assuming she was in Slytherin, what were you?"

Xander snickered, which soon broke out into a snort, then exploded into rolling laughter that nearly put him on the ground as he bent over and held his stomach.

"Wed… Wednesday? In Slytherin? BWAHAHAHA!" Xander roared.

"Perhaps I was mistaken." Fate said dryly amidst the roaring laughter.

"Sorry, sorry…" Xander held up a hand, "It's just… Wednesday is the LAST person who'd *ever* EVER be sorted into Slytherin. God love her, and I know I do, but her definition of 'cunning' is a death threat delivered with blunt force trauma."

Fate blinked, he'd not really thought about it that far, to be honest.

"As for Ambition… Wednesday achieved her only ambition in life the day she was born into the Addams Clan." Xander said seriously, shaking his head. "She has no interest in anything beyond that, with a little leeway for helping her friends… but, honestly, I suspect that she only allows for that because she considers us Clan members in all but name. No, Wednesday in Slytherin would result in nothing but blood for seven years. She was a Claw, though I suspect she could have been a pretty good Puff too."

Xander quirked a smile at the slightly disconcerted stance Doctor Fate took as he obviously tried to reconcile that with what he knew from the books and movies.

"Don't fall into that Slytherin is Dark stuff, most of the house were extremely law abiding." Xander said, "And you don't want to THINK of the dark crap Ravenclaws get into in pursuit of knowledge… They're a scary bunch, let me tell you…"

"That actually makes sense," Kent conceded, many of the human and formerly human villains he dealt with started out as seekers of knowledge. Along the way knowledge became power, then power became the obsession, and corruption set in.

"Yeah, I love Wens, but some of the Dark Rituals she got me to take part in…" Xander chuckled, shaking his head, "scary shit."

Fate cocked his helmet, gazing steadily in his direction, "Really?"

"Oh yeah," Xander said, "we never did any of the evil stuff, but dark? Fuck yeah. We did some rites that, in other hands, would have been as evil as all hell. Thing you have to know about Wednesday, and the Addams in general, is that they don't do evil. They have this… I don't know, foreknowledge? Faith? It's something, I don't know what, but I swear they could tap dance through a minefield and come out the other side unscathed."

Xander paused, then rolled his eyes, "Course, in Fester and Pugsley's case, that's because they've built up a resistance to being blown up."

"That's not how it works, you realize?"

"Tell that to those two."

* * *

Kent Nelson was solidly enjoying the afternoon with Xander, watching as the younger man crafted his wand with interest.

The device, and a device is indeed what it was, was a marvel of complexity in what appeared to be a very simple product. On the surface it was a magical core of animal material embedded in a conducting sheath of Carbon and, in this case, wood.

Beneath the surface, however, Fate knew that the nanoscale alignment of carbon molecules was something only the very most advanced labs in the world could match. Lex Labs, Wayne Tech, and Star Labs primarily. Additionally, he watched as Xander laser etched runes along the handle grip of the wand, and charged them with his temporary model.

"Cooling, Repair, and Return charms," Xander said, going on, "It's a room temperature superconductor, barely, but the cooling charms increase its efficiency. I use repair and return charms to keep the outer sheath in perfect condition, and to keep it from getting lost."

"It's not indestructible then, I presume?"

"No, it is pretty tough, but you can break it." Xander said, "But the repair charms automatically return it to the original state when they were charged. As long as the core is undamaged, the wand will always in perfect shape."

"They can't fix the core?"

Xander shook his head, "No. That's pretty much non-negotiable."

"I see."

Xander stepped back, eyeing his new wand carefully for a moment before reaching out and picking it up. "Well... let's just see how it works, then."

He flicked it casually at a chair, "Leviosa!"

The chair shivered for an instant, then gracefully lifted from the floor to hover about three feet in the air. Xander casually guided it around the room, making it dance for fun, then deposited it right back.

"Charms are good." He pronounced, then twisted it around and snapped it at the chair again, this time without words.

Fate watched as the chair twisted and folded in on itself until there was a puppy there, barking like made as it ran around in circles.

"Transfiguration, top notch." Xander nodded, canceling the spell and returning the chair to its normal form.

"Very nice work," Fate said, referring to the transfiguration of the chair. He only knew a handful of people on the planet who could match that, and most of them were villains.

"OWL level work," Xander shrugged, "You should see the stuff you have to do to get your Masters."

A flick of the wand sent the chair across the room, well away from them, and then Xander slashed his wand at it.

"Reductor." He whispered softly.

The pulse of magic startled Kent as it raced across the room, intersected the chair, and caused the inoffensive item to explode.

He blinked under his helm, staring at the wreckage as Xander nodded in satisfaction.

"Curses are good."

"I hope you don't use that spell on people," Fate said dryly.

"Actually, a Reductor has less effect on people," Xander said, "It works to best effect on hard, rigid objects. People are soft and kinda squishy, you know?"

Fate blinked at the grin the younger man was wearing.

"Mostly they just get real bad bruises, some internal injuries, from a Reductor." Xander said with a shrug. "Unless you really overpower it, anyway."

"Right." Kent said dryly.

Xander just chuckled and flipped the wand around in his fingers, then slid it behind his right ear like an oversized pencil as he walked across the room to another table and pulled a pair of high end sunglasses out of a case.

"We're underground."

"Yes, I'm aware of that, thank you." Xander told Doctor Fate dryly. "I bought a pair of these shortly after Wayne set me up here, I've been getting my gear ready to be charmed."

"And the designer sunglasses are for?"

"A Heads Up Display?" Xander shrugged, "Just had to pick a look I liked and rebuild them."

"Rebuild?"

"Yeah, polycarbonate lenses suck." Xander said, "Won't hold an enchantment. These are tinted glass, with an unbreakable charm. I dropped the aluminum for gold alloyed copper and bronze, and replaced the plastic with obsidian."

"Did you keep anything from the originals?"

"Yeah, you see the little rubber nose pieces?" Xander asked, "They're way more comfortable than what Wizards use."

"I had to ask." Fate shook his head slowly.

Xander grinned, flicking his wand at the glasses. Most of the hard work was already done, he just needed to cast the appropriate spells, then lock them into the brass with a few charged runes. Once the lenses were linked to the Protean configuration he used for all his own stuff, they would be part of his normal kit.

Wizards back home, even those who knew Xander, really had no clue just how powerful the Protean really was. Xander was consistently shocked by how many people considered it an obscure, thought mildly useful, charm without realizing just how many pieces of the Wizarding World would be useless without it.

What good was a Floo that didn't connect to anywhere? How much value could you get out of a Book of Students that didn't auto-update from the National Warding System? Every witch and wizard Xander knew used at least three items with the charm every day, most didn't knew it existed, what it did, and certainly couldn't cast it if they did.

He finished linking the charm and snapped the glasses open, slipping them on.

"Ah. That's better." He said with a smile, turning to look at his guest. "You're a scholar, incidentally."

Doctor Fate raised an eyebrow, though it wasn't visible beneath the helm. "Hardly surprising."

"Maybe, but it's nice to know." Xander shrugged, "It means you have an affinity for charms over curses, you have to work harder to become proficient with things outside your comfort zone."

"Most do."

"True, but now you know."

Fate snorted, "And knowing is half the battle."

Xander snorted, then snickered, and finally broke down laughing again. Doctor Fate watched, confused but unmoving, as his host tried to suck in breaths between guffaws.

"Yo Joe." Xander managed to gasp out from his knees, shaking his head as he grinned wide enough to crack his face. "Damn Doc, You're freakin hilarious."

Kent Nelson, meanwhile, wondered what was so funny. Aloud, however, he just nodded. "Thanks."

"Hee hee… Yo Joe…" Xander grinned maniacally, shaking his head as he straightened up and head over to the two piece suit Fate had commented on earlier.

Fate chose to ignore him, instead focusing on his haphazard path through the workshop and back to the clothing. "So now it's your knock off batsuit's turn?"

"Hey! No need to get insulting," Xander smirked, flicking his wand at the clothing. "This is really more along the lines of biker armor anyway, nothing too out of the ordinary."

"Well, it doesn't have an emblem on the chest, I'll give you that."

"No cape either." Xander replied, then frowned quizzically, "Think I should add one?"

Fate was about to answer until Xander cut him off, while staring at his own cape.

"Nah, wouldn't want to end up like Stratogale." Xander said, shaking his head.

"Who?"

"A Super."

Fate blinked, he'd never heard of that name. "What happened to him?"

"Cape hooked in the intake of a Jumbo jet."

Fate winced, not noticing Xander's lips twitching. That was NOT a nice image.

"Ouch." He said finally.

"Yeah, no cape for me." Xander shook his head, barely keeping a straight face as he continued to charm and charge the garments.

Similar to the glasses, he'd done all the prep work on the suit over the previous few weeks, knowing that sooner or later he'd get a wand worth the name. Getting them up to spec was just a matter of casting a few charms and charging the runes in the clothing and accessories.

"What spells are you laying on it?" Fate asked, curious as he tried to put the image of being sucked into a jet engine out of his head.

Xander shrugged, "self-fitting, durability, and self-cleaning charms to start with. I've got temperature control runes sewn into the lining, along with the normal 'household' stuff… dimensionally expanded pockets, you know… the usual."

Fate could feel a headache coming on.

"The usual?" He muttered, "I don't think Batman has that many systems in his suit."

"Yeah, maybe, but I don't have that kickass utility belt," Xander grinned. "Which reminds me… I've got to get me one of those."

Fate snorted, "Good luck with that. Only his protégés get the belts."

"I'll have to steal one then." Xander grinned, "It'll be fun."

"Nice knowing you."

Xander chuckled, pulling the jacket from the rack and tossing it across the table. It hit with a thud that raised Fate's interest.

"That's more than just a jacket."

"Yeah." Xander's eyes lit up, "I started working on this little pretty after my fourth year… Took me a few years to perfect it, but it was totally worth it. Saved my butt so many times, I honestly can't tell you how many. Around here though, it'll just let me fit in."

Fate cocked his helm, "Oh?"

"Yeah. Let me get this done, and we'll go break all this stuff in, k?" The grin on Xander's face was decidedly manic by that point.

Kent Nelson, Doctor Fate, couldn't decide if he was genuinely excited to see what the young man would come up with next… or if that was a pit of dread forming in his gut.

Probably both.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

"… Hostage situation at first Gotham Bank. All units, SWAT en route. Estimated fifteen minutes."

The powerful twelve hundred CC engine roared as The Huntress gunned it, dodging traffic with ease as she tore toward Gotham First National. She was only a half block away when a flash of light caught her eye and she glanced up to see Batman perched on a building across from the bank, waving her off.

Helena Bertinelli balked briefly at the idea of being ordered off, even by the Bat, but in the end her curiosity won out and she pulled the big bike to one side, rumbling to a stop in a nearby ally before she climbed off and fired a scaling piton up to climb the side of the building.

On the roof she found the so called 'Bat Clan' all present, the latest Robin, Batgirl, and Nightwing in addition to the Bat himself. More interesting, however, was the gold and blue presence of a man she'd only heard of in passing reference.

"Doctor Fate?" Helena blinked, surprised.

"Huntress." The gold clad man nodded in her direction, "It's an honor."

She shifted uncomfortably, but nodded back before returning her attention to the Batman, "Why the delay? I was on my way to First National…"

"I know." He said, not looking at her.

That really ground her gears. She glared at the black cowl clad man who, at that point, was watching the streets below through powerful and, of course, bat themed, spyglasses. Honestly. Does the man have a patent on bats? Does he get a kickback on every bat design bought in the world?

Knowing what she did about the man, Helena suspected that it was entirely possible he did.

"Then you know people are in danger."

"It's being handled."

Helena was about to blow her top when Nightwing put a hand on her shoulder, "Relax. He just wants to evaluate someone."

She spared a frown for her occasional beau, then turned her attention down to the streets below.

"Who?"

"Goes by the name Xander, or Alexander Magus." Nightwing said, shrugging. "He's been in town a while, helped out here and there, but nothing big until now."

"And you're letting him handle a hostage situation?" She asked incredulously.

"Letting implies that he asked." Batman growled, glancing back at Fate.

The man in gold and blue shrugged, "He wanted something to break in his new equipment when this came over the police scanners."

"You can't just let a rookie handle a hostage situation…!" She objected again, but was cut off.

"Quiet." The Batman growled, "He just arrived."

* * *

Commissioner Gordon waved in a squad car as he grabbed the megaphone and took cover behind the holes for them to escape through."

"Yes Commissioner!"

Men ran around, moving in blockades and settling more cars into place as they settled in for a potential siege. Sargent Bullock ran over to him, ducking low in case someone inside the bank decided to take some pot shots. "Commissioner, you shouldn't be here!"

"Stuff it, Bullock." Gordon growled, "I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere."

"At least keep your head down!"

Gordon ignored him, standing tall as the police ran around him as he brought the megaphone to his mouth. "You in the bank! I want to talk! May I send in a phone?"

There was no answer for a moment, then a snarl of automatic fire blew out the glass of the bank as everyone hit the ground, Bullock pulling Gordon down bodily.

"They don't seem to be in the talking mood, Commish." Bullock growled, rolling his eyes.

"Fine. Tell SWAT to roll in."

"They're delayed, ten minutes out."

"What? WHY?"

"Traffic." Bullock scowled in annoyance. "Mayor started construction along the east side a day early. No one told us."

"Figures." Gordon muttered in annoyance.

"Where's the Bat freak? Isn't this his kind of show?"

"I don't know," Gordon shrugged, "Unless and until he shows up, let's do the job we're paid to do, right?"

Bullock nodded, flipping a toothpick into his mouth. "Right."

Before any more words could be spoken a soft crack almost, but not quite, like a shot sounded behind them, causing Bullock to yank Gordon back to the ground as the police in the area turned their guns on the source of the sound.

"I'm not the bat freak, Commish," A smiling young man said as he floated a few feet off the ground behind them, "But perhaps I might be of some help?"

* * *

"He can fly?" Huntress blinked in surprise.

"That's new." Nightwing said, mildly surprised. "You never mentioned he could do that, Batman."

"I didn't know."

"You're taking an awful chance on some guy you barely seem to know." Helena scowled.

"No, I'm not."

She rolled her eyes, she liked the Bat, honestly she did. He was hot, dark, and mysterious… but he was such a dick sometimes. Definitely worth a fling, but she pitied the poor woman who landed him for life. "Care to explain that?"

"No."

Nightwing cut in before she could growl anymore, "We've got it covered. If anything goes bad, we can be in there in seconds."

Huntress sighed, folding her arms over her chest, "Fine."

* * *

Gordon eyed the young man he'd shared drinks with just a few days earlier as he landed lightly on the ground a few feet away. He was clad in what looked like motorcycle racing gear, mostly, with a leather jacket and boots.

"You never mentioned you can fly?"

"I can't," Xander smiled, "But I'm halfway decent with a broomstick."

"What kinda freak are you?" Bullock growled, "Broomstick? This ain't Halloween, Pal."

"Where I come from, every night is Halloween."

Bullock rolled his eyes, "Whatever. I don't see no broomstick even if that's so, what'd ya do? Shove it up your a-…?"

"Harvey!" Gordon cut him off sharply.

Xander just chuckled, "No worries, Commish. As I was saying, I'm not the bat, but if I can help?"

"What can you do?" Gordon asked, genuinely curious.

"There are eight armed men in the bank. Thompsons mostly, a couple automatic pistols, all forty five caliber. I think at least one of them is a hostage, though. At least, he doesn't have his gun out and he's sitting with the others."

"How the hell can you know that?" Bullock demanded.

Xander pulled off his sunglasses and passed them to the detective. "They're linked back to my… well, database is the best word I guess, though it's not accurate, strictly speaking."

Bullock scowled at the glasses for a moment before putting them on. His jaw dropped open, the toothpick falling to the ground. "Jesus, you can see everything with these things!"

Gordon pulled the glasses from Bullock's nose, trying them himself. He quickly pulled them back off and looked over at Xander, "These are accurate?"

Xander shrugged, "For normal stuff? Sure. I wouldn't rely on them if you're dealing with high tech weapons or something, they'll only recognize stuff I've coded into the system."

Gordon put the glasses on again, his voice almost whispering. "My god. You can count the grains of powder in the weapons."

"Yeah, I'm a little puzzled by the doll holding the Thompson, though." Xander admitted.

"Doll?" Gordon refocused, looking around, then nodded, "Ah. Should have known. It's the ventriloquist and Scarface."

Xander's face cleared up, "Oh yeah. That guy. Neat."

"With this we can plan our assault," Gordon said, "Thank you."

"No problem, Commish." Xander said, "But if you like I can help out there too."

"How?"

"Two moves, I can end this." Xander said, "with your permission, of course."

"Since when do you freaks ask permission?" Bullock growled.

"I'm not a super, I'm not a vigilante. I'm a citizen," Xander said, "Sort of. Consider me a specialist consultant. I'm not here to step on toes, but I have some skills that are uniquely suited to helping you out."

"Two moves?" Gordon asked, "What will you do?"

"Apparate in, stun everyone." Xander said simply. "You guys can come in and figure out who needs Arkham, prison, or whatever."

Gordon was considering it, much to Bullock's annoyance, so Xander just waited until the man made the call.

"Bullock, where's SWAT?"

"Still stuck in traffic." The detective scowled.

Gordon nodded, "Alright, if you're willing, young man, we'll use your move as the signal to move in. That way if you miss anyone, we'll be coming in right on your heels."

Xander nodded. "Done. Get your people into place."

Gordon looked over at Bullock, "You heard him, move it."

Bullock scowled, but nodded and moved back to get a squad of cops with riot gear into place.

Gordon looked over at Xander, "You're sure you can pull this off?"

"In my sleep. Don't worry, Sir."

"It's my job to worry," Gordon replied, "But SWAT is stuck in traffic, and I've got a loony playing with dolls and automatic weapons around a bunch of innocent civilians. I'll take what help I can get."

Gordon paused, then handed the glasses back to Xander, "I expect you'll need these."

"Keep them." Xander smirked, "I'm just going to take everyone out. You guys can sort through the mess I leave."

Gordon snorted, but pocketed the sunglasses, "This stun thing, will it pose a risk to anyone's health?"

"Nah. It's like a magical off switch. No risk for heart failure or anything along those lines." Xander answered. "If I were to hit someone with a dozen of them at once it could cause some nerve damage, but one or two won't harm someone, even if they have medical conditions. No promises if they fall on their guns and jerk the trigger, though."

Gordon scowled, but nodded. "Understood."

"Commish! We're ready!"

Gordon looked over to see a dozen of Gothams finest forming up behind shields, with Bullock leading them. He nodded, "Alright. Ready when you are, son."

"Tell them we're going to move in twenty seconds." Xander said, drawing a slim wand from his belt.

Gordon nodded, picking up his radio. "We're moving in twenty seconds."

"When I port, I'll make it noisy. It'll sound like a gunshot, one crack here. One crack in the bank," Xander said as he gauged the distance, "That's the signal. Anymore cracks, someone is actually shooting."

"Got it." Gordon said, relaying the information.

"In five… four… three… two…" Xander counted down calmly, even though his heart rate was climbing fast. As he reached one he apparated out, loudly. The explosive sound actually cracked the side window of the police cruiser he was next to, making Gordon jump before he hit the radio.

"Go! Go! Go!"

* * *

"Stupefy Cella!"

The words, shouted over the general din of the whimpering hostages, came on the tail of a sharp crack that caused everyone to jump. Before most could do more than start to look around for the source an orange-red pulse lashed out over them and everyone in the bank dropped to the ground.

Everyone, that is, save Xander Harris and the ventriloquist who, by luck or design, had instantly cowered behind his dummy.

Xander stared at him for a moment, surprised that the dummy had provided enough cover to shelter the other man. The Auror level spell he'd used was designed to take out large crowds, and was fairly potent, all things considered.

"Huh, I guess the dummy's got a little substance to it." Xander shrugged, idly flipping his wand over in his hand as he advanced.

"Hey ya mook, I'm the only one who talks about Dummy that way." The little doll in the man's arms growled.

Xander rolled his eyes, but looked at the Ventriloquist, "I was talking about the wood it's made of, brainiac."

"Hey! You want to say something, you talk to me!" Scarface snarled, brandishing his Thompson.

"I don't talk to block heads," Xander said to the Ventriloquist, "especially when it's literal."

"That does it." Scarface snapped, opening up with his SMG.

Xander casually tossed up a shield, not taking his eyes off the Ventriloquist, leaving his opponents shocked when the bullets simple slammed to a stop in midair and dropped to the ground.

"You're giving me a headache." Xander said dryly. "I've never encountered anyone with a real split personality before, at least not one that operates at the same time as the primary."

"What the hell are you?" The doll demanded.

Xander could hear the police smashing in the door, crashing through the glass with their riot shields. He decided that he couldn't pass up the chance to learn something this unusual, so he brought his wand up as the cops rushed in.

"Legilimens!"

* * *

Jim Gordon had seen a lot of things in his days as a cop in Gotham. From the normal street scum to the costumed crazies that had exploded all over the world in the last few years, he'd seen just about everything.

So when he rushed in just behind his riot equipped officers in time to see the ventriloquist scream like someone had gutted him and fall to the ground sobbing, with no one else standing anywhere near him, Gordon was actually surprised to feel the surreal sensation he'd felt back when he saw his first costumed type.

"What happened?" He demanded, stepping around the shields with his service pistol in hand.

"I wanted to see what would happen if I killed Scarface." Alexander answered with a shrug, sliding his wand into his belt.

Gordon looked at the doll, not seeing any damage on it.

"No, I mean really killed him." Alexander said, "I went into the Ventriloquist's head and offed the little munchkin."

"You can do that?"

"We'll see." Xander said, cocking his head at the sobbing man as he was being cuffed and pulled to his feet. "It's hard to be sure of anything in a mental space. Since I didn't want to lobotomize the patient, I couldn't be as ruthless with the cancer as I'd like."

"Interesting analogy." Gordon said as his men combed over the group, pulling the obvious robbers apart from the rest and disarming them. "Can you wake this people up?"

"Just tell me when."

"Right, just be a minute then."

Xander nodded and settled in to wait patiently while the police did their work, eyes following the uniforms as he waited. When a presence settled in behind him, he didn't look back.

"I pass?" He asked calmly.

"Did you have to do whatever you did to Wesker?" The Bat growled.

"No." Xander answered with a shrug, "That I did out of curiosity."

The Bat sighed, "Long term effects?"

"Sanity maybe?" Xander shrugged, "Hard to say. I didn't mess with his core personality, so probably not."

"Could you do it with others?"

"You better not be suggesting I try and 'cure' the Joker," Xander shuddered, "Cause I'm going NOWHERE near a Clown's brain, especially not that clown."

"I just wanted to see what the limits are." Batman growled.

"Most important limit is that I'd have to have a clue what I was trying to cure." Xander admitted with a shrug, "Which, for most people, isn't likely. Harley, for example, has all kinds of symptoms even I can identify… but I haven't the foggiest what caused any of them. The mind is far more complex than most people realize."

Batman nodded, not saying anything in response. Xander was about to say something more when he spotted Gordon approaching and felt the Bat's presence practically evaporate. He rolled his eyes, the man would have to do better than that to vanish without a trace from an active Legilimens.

"Ok, we're ready here."

Xander nodded, drawing his wand. He flicked it at the people on the floor, "Enervate!"

Gordon blinked as everyone groaned and started to get up. "Ok, that works."

"Yup, you need anything else?" Xander asked idly.

"No, I can't say that I do." Gordon said, "I will need a statement from you, drop by my office later in the week if that's not a problem."

"No problem, Commish." Xander smiled. "The Haunt, later?"

Gordon nodded, "See you there."

"Cool. Adios." Xander said before apparating out with a soft crack of sound.

Gordon looked back at the officers who were staring at the space Xander had previously occupied. "What are you all looking at? Get these jokers out of here!"

* * *

Huntress looked down on the bank, shaking her head slightly. "He can teleport, he can fly, he can apparently read minds and assassinate multiple personalities. Who the hell is this guy, Nightwing?"

The Bat had gone, but Huntress and Nightwing remained to watch over the cleanup. Nightwing just shrugged in response to the question, however.

"All I know is that he's a magic user, considers himself a 'fair hand' with a wand." He told her, "Part of it is modesty, false or otherwise, but I've got the impression that where he comes from there are a few that dwarf his abilities."

"I'd like to sleep sometime this month," Huntress scowled, "This guy already scares me. Can he read our identities from our minds?"

"We don't know." Nightwing answered honestly.

"Crap. And you're still exposing yourself to him? The BAT is exposing himself to this guy?"

"If he can do it, and intended to do it, it's already done." Nightwing said grimly. "It's not like he's the only telepath in the world. We're just lucky that most of them seem to be on our side."

"The Bat actually seems to almost trust him."

Nightwing laughed, "Batman doesn't trust anyone. He's keeping this guy close, just in case he's not on the up and up."

Huntress sniffed, "Hope that doesn't come back to bite you on that firm butt of yours, Nighty."

She turned to walk off, slapping Nightwing on his aforementioned body part as she did.

"Hey!"

"You know you liked it." She saucily said, blowing him a kiss over her shoulder before she jumped over the side of the building and vanished from sight.

Nightwing sighed, "Between her and Catwoman I'm surprised I haven't been raped out here."

"I heard THAT!" Huntress called, her voice wafting up over the edge of the building.

Nightwing shuddered, extending his grappler into the air and fired it off, swinging into the night before she could come back and get revenge for his comment.

* * *

Xander walked into the Old Haunt, still dressed in his tight fitted biker styled armor. He'd decided that 'when in Rome' and all that kind of applied, so he may as well adopt a persona that fit into the DC world even if he had no intention of coming out as a super type.

Or, that is, he had no intention of creating an alter ego.

He was Alexander Magus, he found himself rather fond of that name actually, a human who happened to be capable of magic. The fact that he didn't have to hide it here was a nice bonus. With a working wand, he'd soon have his home warded to the best of his ability… which, all modesty aside, was pretty damned good by any standard.

Through the war years he'd learned some hard lessons working alongside Hermione and Harry, and even knew one or two tricks of Dumbledore's the other two didn't. Not that the old man was aware he'd picked up a little stealthy magic lessons.

Those bits, combined with access to his home library through the Protean devices as well as Wayne Tech resources? Well, Xander was no fool, he knew that nothing in the universe… especially THIS universe… was unbreakable, but he'd be able to make people pay to get in, and pay dearly.

"Xander!"

"Commish." Xander smiled, walking over to where Commissioner Gordon was waving him over. As he sat down, a large stein of dark beer appeared.

"On the house." Richard Castle said, nodding to Gordon. "Heard about earlier."

"Thanks." Xander smiled, nodding back before he took a sip. "Wasn't anything big."

"Pretty amazing, to hear it repeated." Detective Beckett said from the next booth, half turning around. "You never mentioned you were a meta."

"I'm not." Xander shrugged, drinking lightly. "Consider me… Homo Magus. Magic Man."

"Right." She said dryly.

"You believe in aliens from explody planets, but not magic?" Xander lifted an eyebrow.

"It's hard not to believe in him when he flies overhead carrying a building."

Xander smirked, his wand appearing in his hand. "Wingardium Leviosa!"

Kate Beckett shrieked as the cushion of the booth she was sitting in came loose and lifted her into the air, "Put me down!"

"What? I'm not controlling it, I mean, I can't be, right? Magic doesn't exist?" Xander asked, grinning.

She was floating over a dozen feet in the air, gripping the cushion for dear life, "If I had a free hand I'd SHOOT YOU!"

"Well, I suppose I could just cancel the spell…" Xander smirked, eyes dancing as he lifted a foot and kicked Rick Castle under Beckett just as he cast a finite.

Kate shrieked again as she fell, landing right in the arms of a shocked Richard Castle.

"Uh… I got you?" He said, blinking as he looked at her.

Kate swallowed, "Thanks."

Xander rolled his eyes, nudging Gordon who was trying hard not to laugh as the two just stared at each other, apparently forgetting that one was currently holding the other in his arms.

"Kid, you play with fire." Gordon smirked.

"This is nothing, you should the crap Wednesday gets up to back home when she has a mind for it." Xander shuddered, "My fifth year was the scariest, hottest, more extreme time of my life… until my sixth year. Life is never boring around people like that."

"I know what you mean."

"I doubt it," Xander grinned, "The Bat is downright dull compared to Wednesday."


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

Xander let himself back into the old Luthor Corp Biosphere building, idly checking the ward lines as he stepped over them and taking a moment to charge the intruder wards as a first line of defense. With wand in hand he could check the status of the wardlines a lot easier, and he winced to see what their state was.

Lucky I haven't been mugged by random Gotham goons.

He threw a little more power to the outer wards, thinking about his first showing to the public world. It was a risk to appear publically as a super, particularly as he had no interest at all in cultivating a secret identity. That said, for all his mad science styled research, Xander was no recluse. He'd been hands on in some of the biggest and most pivotal events his own world had ever seen and that was pretty much the way he liked things.

He knew, however, that he had to be careful with what he did in this world.

The amount of power floating around this universe is enough to make me want to bury my ass in a deep pit and close it in on me like the Goblins did during the war.

He was a competent wand hand by any man's definition, Xander was confident enough to say that. With his personal tweaks and tricks, he could even match some of the best there were for a short time at least. He was still the only man on the planet who could regularly make Harry 'Slayer of Dark Lords' Potter yield in a duel, though Xander knew that was mostly because Harry had a hard time wrapping his head around the idea of just how far Xander was willing to go to find new ways to cheat.

For all that, however, the one thing Xander absolutely did NOT want was to pit himself against the nature of the universe he was currently standing in.

He'd lose.

He was in the middle of those thoughts when a soft presence entered into the peripheral of his vision, shaking his focus enough for him to turn and see Ivy standing in a doorway watching him.

"Hey there, Ivy."

"Did you have fun playing hero?" She asked, her lips twisting as she said the last word.

Xander shrugged, "Wouldn't say I was playing hero."

"That's not what the news says."

"The news can go suck it." Xander replied, "I offered my services to the Gotham PD, acting as a consultant. I'm not going to run around looking for trouble, but I'm not going to turn my back when it shows up either."

"Not much of a distinction." She sneered.

"What's wrong, Ivy?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" She rolled her eyes, "Maybe I'm just getting tired of being cooped up in here."

Xander shook his head, "No. You've been quiet since Harley…"

The green flush to Ivy's complexion told him all he needed.

"Ah. That's why you walked out on the Bat earlier. It's not his fault, you know?" Xander offered, "Harley belongs to the clown. He's so deep in her head that he pulls her strings without even having to think about it anymore."

"You think I don't know that?" She asked, teeth gritted as she looked away. "The times she's turned on me because of that damned clown…"

She let out a slow breath, visibly gaining control of herself, "I should just go to Arkham and snap his scrawny neck once and for all."

"I'd advise against it." Xander said, sheathing his wand.

"Why?" She sneered at him, "Because killing is wrong?"

"No, because I strongly suspect that there's only one man in the entire universe that could off the joker without having it come back to bite him on the arse later." Xander said, "And the Bat doesn't kill."

"You're not making any sense."

Xander sighed, locking the doors as he walked out of the old lobby and into the large room they'd taken to using as a living area. "Tell you what, Ivy, how about I regale you with a story…"

Ivy, confused now, followed. As he took a seat in one of the couches they'd moved in, a vine moved along under her and lifted her along until she was seated across from Xander. "What does this story have to do with anything?"

"Everything, of course." Xander half smiled, "It started twenty years ago, back home. There was this evil wizard…"

Ivey rolled her eyes, "Lord Voldemort. I've seen the movies."

He pouted, "Who's telling this story?"

"Fine." She sighed, irritated.

"Ok, once upon a time…. About twenty years ago," Xander smirked, "there was this dark l… I mean evil wizard who was terrorizing the land of Britannia."

"Otherwise known as England."

"Hush," Xander snapped, "you're ruining the story."

"I already know the story." She countered, annoyed.

"Fine." Xander pouted, "You know the what of the story, but do you know the why?"

Pamela frowned, "What?"

"No, why." He smirked.

Pamela rubbed her temples, he was really giving her a headache. "Ok, fine. Why?"

"That's the real question, almost no one ever asked." Xander said, more seriously not. "Why did old mold in his shorts snuff it the first time when he took on a baby?"

"Prophecy." She answered.

Xander rolled his eyes, "Prophecy is a joke, trust me I know. In this case the Prophecy was the trigger that set events in motion, that's how they normally work you know… if no one ever hears a prophecy, or if someone hears it but ignores it and locks it away, it doesn't generally come true. No, the Prophecy is part of the 'what', not the 'why'."

"Ok, so why, then?"

"First time I heard it I thought it was probably Lily Potter, myself." Xander said, "But I'd gotten to know Lilly before I got to know Harry, so really I wasn't impressed with Harry."

"How did… No, wait, I don't want to know." Pamela sighed. "Go on."

"Ok, so I thought that Lily snuffed Moldy and the magical world gave Harry the credit cause he had the famous name." Xander said, "But the more I got to know Harry, the less that made sense. Potter, for all his weaknesses, is one of the most powerful wizards alive. Maybe to ever live. So suddenly the whole 'chosen one' spiel was looking more likely."

"I'm still not following you."

"Well people who do think about this usually came up with one of two answers," Xander said, "If Harry is the Chosen One, why? Well, either Magic is alive and working against the dark… which, honestly seems ludicrous to me, or somehow Harry was gifted with power through accidental magic, ancient rites by his mother, or even old mold screwing up."

Ivey nodded, following him for the moment. "Alright. I can see that."

"Eventually, though, I came to another conclusion." Xander said, eyes drifting. "I've always been a bit of a history buff, you see. Historically, there has always been a hero to challenge the villain… but the Villain always came first. I mean THE Villain. The one the hero is most known for, the one that defines the hero, that villain always comes first. Everything else was always an afterthought in the hero's life."

"Some people looked at that and said it was an example of magic being alive and reacting, but I saw something else." Xander said, eyes stony now.

"What?"

"I want you to imagine for a moment that you have no powers, Ivy. You live in a nice home, a normal home, with brothers and sisters and parents." He said, "And now I want you to imagine some bastard dark lord breaking down the door and slaughtering everyone that means anything to you. Just before he kills you, what do you think with your last breath?"

She bared her teeth, "I curse the bastard and pray he gets what's coming to him."

"Exactly." Xander said, seriously, "Voldemort murdered, raped, and terrorized his way across non-magical Britain and Europe for over a decade. No hero rose to face him. Then he turned his focus on the magical world. Within two years he was dead, or near enough, at the hands of an infant. Just think of all those dead magical families whose last thoughts were to CURSE their murderer."

Ivey jerked as if slapped. "You mean…?"

"I mean that I believe that Harry Potter was magic's answer to the pleas of a thousand dead wizards and squibs." Xander said seriously.

"Alright, but… so what? What does that have to do with the Joker?"

Xander sighed, "Ivy… by my standards, probably seventy five percent of Gotham or more qualifies as squib level. And I think that it's probably pretty representative of the world as a whole… and every single ONE of those people think that either the Joker is immortal, or can only be taken down by the Batman. You cross that kind of belief at your own peril, Pam. I'm certain that you could kill the clown, but I'm just as sure that he'd find some way to 'miraculously' survive, or come back from the dead… probably with the help of Harley, and when he came back he'd come back in style, probably by getting some gruesome revenge on you and killing a few thousand people."

He sat back, shaking his head, "And that's why I won't lay a hand on the clown directly. I won't challenge magic. I'd lose."

Ivy growled, "So you're saying that there's nothing we can do."

"We'll have chances, key moments we can exploit," Xander said, "and we have indirect actions open to us."

"What do you mean?"

He smiled slowly, nastily, "We can't kill him, Pam, not without risking extreme consequences, but there are always… gaps in the armor of magic."

"I don't follow." She frowned, confused.

"Magic, even backed by that kind of belief, won't retaliate if you follow the template it's laid out." Xander said, "For example, Joker styles himself a funny man… but there are many, MANY kinds of funny. Right now he's seen as a twisted architype of the classic clown, basically a comedian in greasepaint. A prop comic, basically…"

He grinned, "Personally, however, I've always preferred the pratfall clown. The clumsy fool who can't ever seem to do anything right."

Ivey stared for a long moment before she leaned back into her plants and smiled in response.

"Oh my. I believe I see where you're going with this… it could be… fun."

* * *

With the Joker in Arkham for the foreseeable future, however, any thoughts of revenge and pranking would have to wait.

Well, not have to, I suppose, Xander thought, wryly amused by the possibilities. Still, I don't especially feel like invading that loony bin, and he'll escape soon enough anyway.

There was plenty of work to do around 'home' anyway, in all honesty.

First, he spent the next couple days clearing up the warding issues, bringing his lines up for full power and adding a few more that hadn't been possible without a wand. Sourcing a wardstone for some of the more obscure tricks he wanted to do had been tough, but as with most things what the world didn't have aplenty a good wand could provide.

Ivy, while not much happier did calm down in the following days and returned to her contentedness while dealing with her plants. Xander had quickly done up another pair of glasses and used them to examine her aura whenever possible, and he had some ideas about what could be done for her but it would take a lot more research to be sure.

In the meantime he spent his days in the City, enjoying the bizarre retro feel of the coastal metropolis. He found, to his amusement, that gas prices in this particular universe were still on par with the nineteen fifties in his own, which explained why there were no subcompact cars on the roads he supposed.

Not that it mattered to him so much, in all honesty. Explosive runes with a self-repairing charm were far more economical than gasoline, and a lot easier on the environment too. Though, for that, he needed a bike.

Or a car. I wonder where Batman keeps his spares? Xander thought with a grin before he paused and scowled, Ok, I need to stop thinking like that. Put a wand in my hand and I suddenly start thinking I can take the Batman on his own home turf. Soon I'll be stupid as a Weasley.

At the moment he was actually drifting high over Gotham, enjoying the view. His secret of flight was a special addition to his jacket, an articulated wooden 'spine' with broomstick charms. Combined with some comfort charms to keep the whole thing from binding him up in uncomfortable places, the flight suit gave him almost the performance of a racing broom, but with better maneuverability than anything short of a Firebolt.

Which is to say, roughly around the ass end of average flight performance of anyone in this universe with flight ability.

Definitely going to have to get a bike, Xander sighed as he waved to a cop in a passing blimp. Damn there are a lot of blimps in this town.

Xander shrugged and dropped his altitude as he found himself over city hall, slowing as he arrived at Gordon's office window where he reached out and tapped on the glass. There was a muffled sound from within, and then the sound of a chair moving. Finally the shades were pulled to reveal a very confused looking Commissioner who quickly opened the window.

"Good lord, son, the building has a door and stairs!"

"Sorry," Xander stepped inside, "I just figured, you know, when in Gotham…"

Gordon snorted as he took a seat behind his desk, "If that were your motivation you shouldn't have knocked. Scared a year off my life."

"The guy in the bat costume sneaks up on you and that's normal, I knock and you almost have a heart attack," Xander sighed mocking, shaking his head, "Commish, you need to get your head on straight."

"We're in Gotham, son," Gordon said wryly, "There's no one in this town with his head on straight."

"Well, you've got me there I suppose." Xander shrugged.

Gordon smiled, "So what brings you by?"

"A trade."

"A trade?" Gordon frowned, confused.

"The sunglasses I left with you really aren't you, Commish, so I thought I'd exchange them," Xander offered up a pair of wire rim glasses that matched those on Gordon's nose.

Gordon took them, surprised, and tried them on only to feel his jaw practically bounce off the table. "How did you get my prescription?"

"Magic." Xander grinned.

"Teach me to ask a stupid question," Gordon groused, taking out a key and unlocking his desk drawer. He tossed Xander the sunglasses within, and then settled his old glasses in their place. "Thanks for these, by the way."

"No problem," Xander said, "Just remember not to put too much stock in them if you're dealing with some lunatic like Freeze. I don't have all those oddball weapons registered in the… well, database I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"It doesn't really translate well from magic to technology," Xander admitted, "The closest thing I found that really described what I do properly is advanced fractal mathematics, and I can't say for sure that it's the same thing cause I can't understand a word anyone says when they start talking about fractal math."

"Thanks for sparing me the migraine," Gordon told him with a shake of his head and grin.

Xander just shrugged with a bit of a smile of his own, "No problem, Commish."

"How do these things work anyway?" Gordon asked, looking at Xander through the lenses. "And why are they registering a weapon on you now?"

"Well the how is tricky," Xander admitted, "Basically there's a ton of tricks wizards can do with lenses, and I just figured out how to create a wardstone back home that can remember everything they see and compare it to the memory. Oh, yeah, just so you know that means that my wardstone can see what those glasses see."

"They're bugged?" Gordon took the glasses off, glaring at him distrustfully.

Xander grinned, "Think of them as being linked to a computer network, in order to work they have to send information to the computer so the computer knows what to send back, right?"

"Right." Gordon made a face.

"Just don't wear them when you go to the bathroom or on a date," Xander grinned, "Though between you and me I never check the recordings unless I need to add something new to the wardstone image. Can't swear that my friends back home won't, but they can't do anything with the information anyway, not being from around here."

"It's a little disconcerting," Gordon admitted, "but I suppose it's not much worse than the new gear they make us use."

"You'd break your neck if you tried to wear a pair with the wardstone physically attached, Commish." Xander grinned, waving as he walked over to the window while putting his own glasses on. "Anyway, just wanted to give you a heads up. Full disclosure and all that, I'll be seeing ya."

Xander had propped his hand up on the window sill when a knock on the door behind him caused him to half turn back.

"Daddy, have you eaten yet? I…" Barbara Gordon blinked, "Oh, I didn't know you had… uh, are you jumping out the window?"

"Um," Xander looked around, panicking for a moment, "No?"

He then paused, frowning, "Hey wait a minute… I don't need to hide here, there's no statutes of secrecy here. Yes, yes I was going to jump out the window."

James Gordon snorted, shaking his head, "My friend here was just leaving, what brings you by, Barbara?"

"I wanted to make sure you're eating right," She said, eyes still on Xander as she wondered if she could find out how he had managed to fly without a broomstick. "Do you want to go out to lunch?"

"I can't right now, Barbara," Jim sighed, "but I promise I'll get something to eat while I work."

"You had better," She glared openly at him, "if you don't I WILL find out and you'll hear it from me later."

Jim winced, mumbling something about his police officers being turned into spies by his daughter, but nodded. "Right, right, I promise."

She planted her hands on her hips, but finally nodded, "Right then. Well, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"

Xander, who was about halfway out the window again looked back, amused. Really? She's actually going to play that card?

"Of course, dear," Jim said, oblivious to the amusement from both of the other people in the room were hiding from each other. "This is Alexander Magus."

"Oh yeah, the guy in the papers." She said with mock surprise. "Is he taking over Batman's job?"

Xander let out a strangled sound while the Commissioner laughed openly.

"I think the Batman's position is secure," Gordon said, chuckling.

"Not that I'd want his job," Xander rolled his eyes, "I'm really more of an ivory tower type myself."

Jim looked at him with a sidelong glance, "Right. That's why you offered to help us the other day, and said I could call you if I needed you later."

"Every ivory tower type needs to test his inventions." Xander said with a shrug, "besides, the Batman sees the world differently than I do. He's a battlefield medic, I would rather be a doctor. Patching the problems only works for triage, if you don't have someone fixing the source of the disease, you never really get anything accomplished."

"That's true," Jim admitted, "but if someone doesn't patch up the bleeding arteries, the patient won't live to reach a doctor."

"Not arguing, Commish," Xander half smiled, "Just saying that's not a job I'd pick. Especially if I couldn't find a halfway decent Doc working the rounds something in the neighborhood. Until the Bat finds himself a good doctor to see that his patches aren't just Band-Aids on broken bones, he's pis… uh, spitting in the wind. Lots of respect for the Don Quixote street cred he's got, but I would prefer to make a real difference."

"A lot of people he's saved would say that he does make a real difference," Barbara said, her back getting up despite her attempt to portray herself as mostly uninterested.

Xander looked away from her and out the window, his eyes unfocusing as he looked up into the sky above them.

"What makes for a difference?" He shrugged, "In the scheme of a single human lifespan, the Batman does a lot of good. In the scheme of the human race, his actions in tandem with the league most certainly outweigh everything he has ever done in Gotham. In reality, one human life is meaningless in the scheme of the world, almost meaningless in the scheme of the human race. It only becomes meaningful when measured against something as insignificant as itself."

He shrugged, noting that both the people he was talking to were becoming hostile, "I'm not saying that it is meaningless, just that when you look at it in scale… there's nothing there. I could live to be a couple hundred years old back home, maybe more if I picked my home carefully and lived somewhere with a lot of ambient magic. So let's say I were to be killed now, at age twenty. I lose a hundred and eighty years of life… nine times the sum total I've lived so far. In the scheme of the Earth? That's a fraction of a fraction of a second. To the Gods, it's less time than that again. To the human race, it's one person in seven billion… I don't even know the math to calculate how completely and totally irrelevant that makes me."

Xander looked pensive, "Don't get me wrong. I admire the Bat and what he chooses to do. He is one of the few men on the face of the planet who can truly claim to be statistically significant. I don't think that either of you can grasp how great a thing that is. Us? We don't rank on that scale. Lex Luthor has delusions of existing on that scale… yet, for all that, the Bat chooses to spend most of his time helping people who, on the scale of the human race, barely even exist. There's a nobility there, some might call it stupidity… I don't know which, honestly. Maybe it's both."

"You make it sound all so pointless," Barbara said sourly.

Xander shrugged, "Maybe. It's all horribly unpredictable, which is why I don't really care to judge. The Bat is what he believes he has to be, does what he feels is best. You can't ask more than that."

"Well said." Jim Gordon nodded. He wasn't sure about most of the things the young man had said, but those last words were ones he'd take to his grave and be proud of.

Xander grinned, "Anyway, enough of the philosophy crap. I'm in the mood for some fun, so I'll just take my leave…"

"Hey wait!" Barbara blurted, holding her head up.

Her father and Xander both turned to look at her, eyebrows raised.

"Yes?" Xander asked.

"Yes, Barbara," Her father added, expression pointed, "What is it?"

"I just had to know," She mumbled, actually feeling herself blush a little at the twin stares. "How can you fly?"

Xander eyed her for a moment, then smiled slowly as he climbed up onto the sill, "It's all very technical. You wouldn't understand it."

Her eyes widened as he smirked at her and crouched in the window, "It would take someone as smart as Batgirl to even come close. Ciao."

Barbara's jaw dropped as he hopped backwards and vanished out of sight. She rushed over to the window just in time to see him swoop away in an easy glide, on his back no less, and waving at her as if he weren't flying a hundred feet over one of the busiest cities on the planet.

She growled softly, "Why that little…"

Barbara Gordon pushed off the sill, stalking out of her father's office. Behind her, Jim Gordon sighed as he pinched his nose and shook his head.

"Barb!" He called before she was out of earshot.

Barbara hesitated, glancing back, "Yes daddy?"

He hesitated, then sighed again. "Be careful sweetie. I'll see you at home later."

"Yes daddy," She answered, turning away as she went on to grumble. "I'm not the one who'd better be careful…"


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

Flying through a city, out in the open, was such a rush that Xander almost couldn't believe that he'd never done it before. Well, never done it before when someone wasn't trying to kill him, or he wasn't on some mission or another… basically, flying through a city for fun was such a rush that he couldn't believe that he'd never done it before.

Stupid secrecy statutes.

He was so caught up in grumbling about that, that he almost missed the whistle of the cable as it raced past him and thunked solidly above him.

"Whoa!" Xander flipped over unto his back, spotting the cable where it had locked into one of the blimps flying overhead. He just barely had time to register what that meant and start to turn back when an irate voice yelled at him from behind.

"Alright flyboy!" Batgirl yelled over the rush of wind, "Either you land…"

She let go of the line, flipping easily through the air with a grace he'd never seen besides maybe Buffy, and landed solidly on his chest with her legs crooked over his shoulder. The sudden added weight threw his balance off, driving them down toward the street as Xander's eyes widened in shock.

"You crazy b-!" He managed to get out as she grabbed his collar to steady herself and leaned in closely.

"What's wrong?" She asked, grinning, "Can't handle a little added weight?"

"Oh hell no, I am not answering that!" Xander twisted in the air, grabbing her around the hips to be sure she wasn't thrown clear. "Do I look stupid to you? You may as well have just asked me if that costume makes your ass look fat!"

His flight jacket was good, as good as a lot of professional brooms, but the sudden addition of weight had thrown him off and they had limited room in which to maneuver. Rather than risk going lower into the streets and maybe being forced to apparate out, he redirected their vector enough to hit a nearby rooftop.

He hit the asphalt roof in a slide that likely scratched his nice new flight jacket all to hell, much to his irritation, and batgirl rolled clear to easily come to her feet a few meters away.

Xander grumbled as he rolled himself over and picked himself off the ground, "What is your major malfunction, anyway?"

"Oh I think you know what I'm angry about." She glared at him, a bit of a nasty smile playing at her lips.

"Really? Because from where I'm standing I was flying around town, minding my own affairs…"

"Don't give me that!" She snapped, cutting him off as she attacked.

Batgirl was telegraphing enough that he didn't need Legilimency to see the blows coming, but it helped. He leaned back, letting the flurry of punches fly on past as he took one step back after another. Legilimency did tell him that she wasn't trying to hit him, just attempting to maneuver him to an exposed duct he could trip over.

Xander casually stepped over it without looking back, enjoying the look of genuine ire on her face. "Could we maybe talk this through?"

"No!" She snapped, leaping up at him and launching a spinning kick that he was sure would rattle his teeth if he let it connect.

He didn't.

Xander ducked under the kick, then dodged the follow up punch and held both his hands up in surrender. "Are you really sure we can't talk about this?"

If looks could kill, Batgirl would have been headed to Blackgate prison for murder.

Of course, if looks could kill, Wednesday would have murdalized me so many times by now I doubt the redhead here would have had the chance.

"You read my mind!" She bared her teeth at him.

"Oh, good, so you do want to talk about this?"

Batgirl lunged for him, actually forcing Xander to tap his flight jacket for a little speed as he dodged. His feet dragged on the rooftop, unable to keep up with the motion, but it got him clear.

"I'm sensing a little hostility here…"

She seemed to calm down, still glaring at him but not attacking for the moment. "Really? What was your first clue?"

"Well, sitting on my chest in mid-air was a little ambiguous," Xander said, "that could have gone either way. I've had some pretty mind blowing sex that started close to that…"

She's unbelievably hot when she's pissed and blushing, Xander noted with a grin that only served to drive her glare from `murderous' up a couple notches to `almost Wednesday'.

"So what was it I did to piss you off again?" He asked as nonchalantly as he could, given that he was talking to an uber-hot redhead who was currently fingering a razor sharp ninja star knock off.

"You know who I am." She said as she stalked slowly toward him, putting a little extra sway in her hips.

If she thinks the sex-walk is going to distract me she's got another think coming, Wednesday learned hers from her mother, and Morticia could seduce gay man without hardly trying, Xander thought to himself. That belt hangs really nice off her hips though, damn… HOLY HELL, HOW'D SHE GET SO CLOSE!?

"Everyone knows who you are," He blurted, getting ready to fly… literally. "You're batgirl, remember?"

"Not THAT!" She raged, stepping into him and snapping into a round kick aimed to take his head clean off his shoulders.

Xander stepped into it, shouldering her inner thigh to stop her spin and grabbing her under the arms as he too launched into a spin. Picking her up, Xander twisted around and slammed her into the wall behind him with enough force to jolt the wind from her lungs. Her eyes widened, shock filling them as he leaned in until his lips were just centimeters from her ear.

"Oh. That who you are."

He smiled, feeling her shudder as his breath blew on her ear. Oh, most of it was from trying to get her breath back, but he recognized the little involuntary shiver quite well.

"Would it not annoy you so much if I told you that I had never read your mind?" He asked softly, smiling. "Well, except for a few, very, unprotected surface thoughts during our little tussle just now."

"Don't give me that." Batgirl growled, quieter and not struggling against him. "I know you know my secret identity."

"Do you now?" He asked, amused. She was clearly trying to trick him into confirming what she suspected, which meant that she wasn't completely certain after all.

Honestly, he could play that game just as well, but wasn't really in the mood for it.

"I do know, actually," He acknowledged, letting her drop to her feet as he stepped back, "but not because I read your mind."

She scowled at him.

"That expression, cute as it is, gives you all the wrong kinds of wrinkles, luv." He smiled at her before flicking her nose with his finger.

"Ow!" She pressed back against the wall again, eyes wide and scowl entirely gone, and just stared at him in open eyed shock. "What the hell was that for?"

"Much better." He told her, a little smugly. "And before you jump to anymore conclusions, I didn't read the Bat's mind either, or either of the boy wonders."

Xander paused, confused, "hum… boy wonders? Boys wonder? Which is it, do you know? Ew, boy's wonder sounds kinda dirty."

Batgirl's jaw was about as low as it could physically go as she tried to parse what he was saying. She put the `boys wonder' crack on the back burner, though, and focused on what else he'd said.

"If you didn't read my mind, or anyone elses, how do you know who I am?"

He just grinned at her, "I bet you that the Bat has already figured it out. Why not ask him?"

"Batman knows that you know who we are?" She demanded, incredulously.

"He will soon, I expect, but for now he probably only suspects." Xander shrugged. "Strongly suspects, I suspect. World's greatest detective and all that, don't you know?"

He had a point there, she supposed. Bruce would have several possibilities laid out by now, with contingencies and alternative theories just in case he was wrong. He was rarely wrong. She glowered at the idiot she'd chased down, however, thoroughly annoyed.

"Why don't you just tell me then?"

"Honestly?" Xander asked, grinning, "Because I'm having way too much fun right now."

"I can fix that," She shook her fist at him.

"So cute when you're angry," He said again.

Batgirl fought down the blush this time, taking a deep breath. "Don't you think for one second you can sweet talk your way out of this. I've seen you playing strip poker with Ivy and Harley, remember? I'm not going to fall for it."

Xander shrugged, "Up to you, luv. Nothing going on with either of them, mind you, just friends mostly."

"Mostly?" She asked archly.

"Harley's a loon, and I don't stand second rung to a clown. Period." He said, "As for Ivy, well I'm not really her type."

"Oh? Who is?"

He shot her a long knowing look, complete with irritating smile. Batgirl stepped back, "What? What are you looking like that for?"

Xander shook his head, "No reason."

He laughed, taking a deep breath, "You know what? Just check with the Bat later, see what he says. If he doesn't know, or can't guess, come on back and maybe I'll tell you. In the meantime, how about you show me around Gotham?"

"What do I look like, a tour guide?" She demanded.

He looked her over, "Honestly? You look more like a…"

"Don't finish that sentence!" She growled.

"I totally wasn't going to say stripper." He said, holding his hands up placatingly. "Nice boots, though."

"GrrrrRRR!" She growled at him, stalking closer. "Are you trying to get your ask kicked?"

"Honestly," Xander considered the question, "That was a common bit of foreplay for Wednesday, so maybe?"

"Don't even think it."

"Too late."

She clenched her hands into fists, willing herself not to simply clobber him. Mostly because she was pretty sure he'd be able to dodge, honestly. It struck her then that she'd dealt with far worse comments and innuendoes in the past, and never been remotely as affected. Why the hell was she losing it over this guy?

Batgirl took a breath and relaxed, "Nice try. Not going to work."

Xander just grinned, "If you so say, My lady Bat. Now, how about that tour of the city?"

"You know what? Fine. I'll show you around, if only to keep you in my sights." She told him, pulling a line launcher from her belt. "You think you can keep up?"

"Better idea, why don't you just ride me…" Xander cleared his throat, "Sorry, misspoke. Ride with me."

She smirked at him, "Right. I don't even know how you manage to pull that off, you think I'm going to trust it… or you?"

"Feel free to disembark the ride at any time," He told her. "I'll keep it from being too scary for you."

She rolled her eyes, "Do I look like I'm going to fall for that?"

"Honestly?"

"Oh shut up." Batgirl sighed. Innuendo aside, she was really curious as to how he was able to fly. She'd flown with Kara a few times and it was an awesome sensation, she'd love to be able to do it herself.

The temptation was clear in her eyes, and Xander could read it as easily as he could read the morning paper. He grinned, turning his back to her and dropped to one knee.

"Come on, luv. Saddle up."

She knew that he was intentionally putting her off balance, the innuendo and actions, but couldn't help but flush yet again. It was like he could push all her buttons without trying, almost like he could read her mind. She pushed that aside for a moment, electing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was on the up and up and was just a really infuriating prick.

"Fine." She scowled at his back, unwilling to let him get to her anymore and totally unwilling to back down from challenge.

She stalked up to him and straddled his back as he wrapped his arms around her thighs and stood up.

"Please put your seats and tray tables in an upright position," He told her, eliciting a roll of her eyes. "And fasten your seatbelts. This flight is about to get underway."

Her eyes widened as he began to run toward the edge of the roof, and she felt a moment of fear. She'd expected him to take off from where he was standing, giving her a chance to evaluate the stability of his motion. Instead he ran right off the roof and flung them both out over Gotham traffic and they dropped like a stone.

* * *

Footsteps sounded through the echoing chamber, boots on stone that would have told the listener all he needed to know even if he hadn't been watching the approach on security feeds.

"Batgirl."

"Don't batgirl me," Barbara growled, taking her cowl off as she walked through the Batcave. "Did you know that Xander knew our identities?"

Bruce turned to look at her, face a mask, "He told you that?"

"Yes."

"Did he tell you how?" The Dark Knight asked, his voice oddly calm.

"He told me to ask you, figured that you'd probably worked it out," She admitted, "He did say that he had never read our minds, beyond projected thoughts he had a hard time avoiding… whatever that means…"

Bruce nodded, "I see."

She waited, tapping her boot on the stone of the Batcaves floor, until it was clear that Bruce wasn't about to expound on just what it was he saw.

"Well?"

He glanced over in her direction, "If he didn't read our minds, and I'm not ruling that option out, there's only one other real possibility."

"Which is?"

Honestly, Barbara was getting so frustrated with the entire process of dragging information out of the men in her life. They were all frustrating pieces of work, even the latest and currently most annoying addition.

"Wednesday Addams, Harry Potter." He said, "Xander Harris. What do they have in common?"

"Well they're all fictional characters, and the first two are from Xander's…" Batgirl's eyes widened, "Did you say Harris?"

"That's the name he originally went under, before he chose to adopt the moniker, Magus," Bruce confirmed.

"They're all fictional… and Xander Harris is from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and he's a confirmed Geek." She muttered, awed. "He knows us from comic books!"

Bruce's lips twisted a little, "Disconcerting, isn't it?"

That brought her up short as she considered it, "Yeah. Totally. I've read some pretty… intense comic books, and now I'm wondering just how much he's really seen me do?"

Bruce shot her an amused look, but didn't say anything. "It goes to reason that if he and the people he knows are fictional characters to us, then we may be fictional to them. That said, there are some clear differences to remember."

She nodded, "Right. Xander Harris never went to Hogwarts, and while Wednesday is a witch by some accounts, neither did she. So they don't come from a perfectly matching world, do they?"

"No, so it's safe to assume that neither do we." Batman said simply. "Still, that leaves him with a great deal of background information that likely is accurate, and that makes him dangerous."

"True. But he's on our side, isn't he?"

"He's an unknown with a great deal of knowledge, both on how we operate and who we are," Batman said, now getting seriously. "His powers are manifold, his intentions obscured, and his morals questionable. It isn't a matter of what side he's on, it's a matter of just how much damage he can do to us either way."

Barbara frowned, "He doesn't seem like he's trying to cause us problems."

"Since when does that stop problems from arriving?"

"Point." She conceded, "though it could have been made without the sarcasm."

"Mmm hmmm." He said, turning back to the computer. "Care to tell me what you two did today?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, eyes suddenly turning shifty.

Batman just pressed a single button and on the large screen above them an image of Batgirl piggyback riding on Xander played, with them swooping low over Gotham traffic while she screamed `yahhhoooo!' at the top of her lungs.

"Someone got that on film?" Barbara groaned.

"Channel Twelve has been playing all afternoon." Batman confirmed.

"Oh God." She buried her face in her hands.

"Did you at least find out how he managed to fly?" Batman asked, knowing that had been driving her crazy for some time.

She reluctantly stopped groaning into her hands, "Yeah. Broomstick."

Batman raised a single eyebrow, "I must have missed that."

"He sewed it into his jacket." She explained, "there's an articulated section of wood in the spine of the jacket, with broomstick charms."

"Ah." Batman nodded, "Impressive. He's not up to Superman's level of flight, obviously, but from the calculations I've been able to make he could keep pace with quite a few meta-humans."

She nodded, "Apparently. He also gave Dad a new pair of glasses, I guess he wanted his sunglasses back."

That surprised Bruce a little, he'd done a little investigating on those and was both impressed and bothered by them. That they could do what they did was impressive, but after consulting with Fate he knew that in order to do what they did they had to report back to a central ward that managed the information.

That made them a dangerous security problem, one that he would have to warn Gordon about.

"And other than that, did you two have a nice date?"

Barbara flushed red, "It wasn't a date!"

* * *

"Did the two of you have a nice date?"

"Pretty decent," Xander answered as he tossed his flight jacket onto a coat hook, "How'd you know about it?"

Ivy looked pointedly at the TV, which was showing him and Batgirl flying through Gotham traffic. Xander laughed, "There are too many cameras out there nowadays."

"Indeed. Do I need to worry about the Batman showing up tonight to berate you?"

Xander shrugged, "Dunno. Probably. Hard to say, though, might be Nightwing."

"Fabulous." Ivy rolled her eyes. "The Mandrake plots are fully matured, incidentally."

"Good. Then we'll be able to deactivate the ward soon." Xander said, eyes carefully watching Ivy in his peripheral vision.

She shuddered a little, but forced a smile. "Yes. It's… about time."

"Worried are we?" He asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Without the ward, you'll feel the plants dying again. Probably as pain." Xander said, "Sanity can only withstand so much of that."

She looked down, focusing on the plant she was tending. "I will endure."

"I'm sure you could, but I'm not going to ask you to." Xander said.

Ivy snapped her head up, looking right at him, "What do you mean?"

"I have a wand now," He idly flipped the masterpiece of carbon and wood over his fingers, "I can do so much more than you know. Eventually we need to do something about your connection to the Green, but for now…"

"No!" Ivy roared, plant tendrils growing about her as she glared at him, "I won't let you take me from the plants!"

Xander barely glanced at her, actually going so far as to yawn as he waved a hand in her direction. "Mah, mah. Did I say that? No, I said we need to do something about your connection to the Green, and we do. Your connection isn't complete, it's fragmented. Either it was damaged or, more likely, never formed properly."

The plants dropped to match Ivy's body language as she stared, rather dumbly, at Xander. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, we need to finish what your accident started, Pam." He said, smiling at her. "We've got to complete your link to the Green, so you have a chance at some peace."

* * *

Xander was dual wielding as he worked on an amulet, the paired wands flashing through the air in front of him with the speed and precision of a drummer in full swing. He rarely encountered a thrill quite like spinning two threads of magic at once, weaving them into something far more potent than either alone.

This time, he was working on a temporary fix for Ivy. The last thing he wanted was to take down the wards and inadvertently torture his house guest, not to mention possibly setting her back on her near homicidal path.

The amulet had inscribed runes similar to those that made up his plant wards, though not remotely as powerful. He didn't think they would need to be, however, since they would only be required to shelter a single person rather than an entire facility.

The sparks flying from his wands cast shadows around him, but it was something else that caused him to pause briefly before continuing with his work.

"You're not as good at the sneaky sneak as the Bat," He said, smiling to himself.

"You're assuming I'm trying to sneak up on you."

Xander shrugged, "True. Am I wrong?"

Nightwing didn't answer that, stepping around so he was within Xander's field of vision, noting that the wizard hadn't paused in his work.

"What are you working on?"

Xander casually flipped the wands over his fingers, half showing off and half lining them up for a new pass at the runes he was tweaking.

"Plant suppression wards for Pam," He said.

Nightwing raised an eyebrow, or so it appeared though Xander had to admit that it was hard to tell under the mask.

"She's going to let you put that on her?"

Xander supposed that he couldn't blame the crime fighter for being skeptical, Pamela Isley hadn't exactly built a good track record when it came to second through thirtieth chances.

"Hope so," He said as he finished a particularly tricky bit of work, flipping the wands over his thumbs and forefingers a couple times before sliding them home in the belt holsters he wore. "Otherwise it'll be Arkham for her again, sooner or later."

"Well, I hope so too then," The black and blue clad man said, now levelling a glare on Xander.

Xander just grinned, "We moving on to the threatening portion of the evening?"

Nightwing didn't share his amusement, but Xander's definition of intimidating had changed a lot since he was a kid. Dick didn't amount to, heh, 'dick' compared to Wednesday.

"Don't play games with Barb." He said flatly, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was aware of Xander's knowledge.

"Right. Check, no poker with the bat chick," Xander said, "got it."

Nightwing stepped in fluidly, grabbing him by his shirt, glowering almost to match the Bat, "You know damn well what I'm talking about."

Xander just looked back, "I know you. You're not going to do anything, not here, not like this, so quit the posturing. I'm not going to bite and swing on you, bird boy, and you know as well as I do that you're not going to swing first, so put a sock in it."

Nightwing glared for a moment longer before pushing Xander back, looking disgusted.

"You know our playbook too damn well," He complained, shaking his head. "Fine. But if you do hurt her…"

"We went for a flight, bird boy. Nothing more, so just relax," Xander said, "She's a big girl, and more than capable of taking care of herself. If we were to get involved, all I'd promise is this… she'd be in no more risk of being hurt from me than from any normal boyfriend in any normal relationship… so can we consider the big brother speech given?"

Nightwing glared at him for another moment before finally sighing loudly and smiling, "Fine. Consider it given."

Xander grinned back, "For what it's worth, it would have worked much better on almost anyone else, except maybe Connor."

"Who?"

Xander waved his hand, "No one you need to worry about yet."

"You know way too much about us," Grayson said, shaking his head, "I'm not used to this."

"Yeah well, consider how I feel," Xander said, "I assume the Bat figured out how I know what I know?"

"He has a guess," Nightwing said, his tone becoming markedly more guarded. "Care to confirm?"

Xander laughed outright, "you don't stop detecting, do you?"

"It's a habit of obsessive behavior instilled in me at a young age," Grayson admitted sourly, "you didn't answer the question."

"Well, Dick," Xander said, carefully enunciating the word 'dick' so it sounded more like a noun than a proper name, smirking when that got him a glower from his 'guest'. "Let's just say that you look a lot different when you're not animated."

Grayson rubbed his eyes, "Oh god. Don't tell me, Saturday morning cartoons too?"

"Trust me, it's better than the live action versions. Robin did NOT get much respect in those," Xander said.

"Like I got much in the real world."

"Is that where we are?" Xander asked archly, laughing.

Grayson sighed, looking around the basement lab, deciding to change the subject.

"You've been up to a lot here," He said, eying Xander's biker armor. "Barb says that you integrated a broomstick in the spine protector?"

Xander nodded, "Flight jacket. I designed the basic version in my fifth year at Hogwarts… took a while to tweak it to something practical though."

"I can imagine. Can anyone use it?"

Xander chuckled, "Barb asked me the same thing. The short answer is no, but more people can use it than you'd think. The problem isn't in the flight aspect, it's in the control charms."

"Oh?" Nightwing asked, walking around the suit. "How so?"

"Only part of the controls are based on body position, the rest are tied to intent runes," Xander explained, "So you need some magic to give orders to the suit."

"Ah," Nightwing nodded, unsurprised, "Pity."

Xander smirked, drawing his wand in a blindingly fast motion and casting on the superhero before he could do more than tense up. Nightwing jumped back, drawing a Birdarang before he realized that he'd been hit by the spell but the only effect was that he'd begun glowing red.

"You're a squib," Xander said, "or, more politely, a Latent."

Dick scowled, but looked at his glowing hands with as much curiosity as annoyance, "What does that mean?"

"Enhanced health, significantly higher physical potential than a Baseline human," Xander said, "and minimal, but significant, magical aptitude. Certainly capable of ritual magicks, though not powerful enough for expressive magics like my wanded abilities, or other active casting."

"And as to using magical tools?" Dick asked, catching on.

"More than enough for broomstick charms," Xander confirmed, "though you wouldn't get the same maximum potential out of them as a Wizard. Batgirl is the same, in case you were wondering."

"And Batman?" Dick asked without thinking, then shook his head, "never mind, I can just imagine his reaction to you casting that on him."

"I'm not dumb enough to try," Xander laughed, "but I don't have to. The Bat is the chosen of the Bat Totem. He's probably got higher potential than you, I wouldn't be surprised if he could learn wanded magics."

"Of course he could," Dick rolled his eyes, "figures."

"He's also far too mentally rigid to be any good at them," Xander shrugged, "so I wouldn't even bother suggesting it."

"Good call."

"So did you want a suit?" Xander asked, amused by the conversation.

"Did Barb ask for one?"

"Do you really need to ask?"

Dick shook his head, "No. No I don't. Are you going to make one for her?"

"Maybe."

"Why the uncertainty?"

Xander considered for a moment before answering, "Partly because I don't want to step on the bat's toes, and partly because I'm leery of introducing major changes to the way you all operate."

Dick looked him over, surprised and skeptical of that answer, "You dressed up and got involved. How is that not a major change?"

"New heroes come and go all the time," Xander said, "but the Bat Clan is iconic. Imagine Superman running around with a big gun all of a sudden."

Dick blinked and made a face, "That would just be idiotic."

"Exactly, and magic has a way of kicking the arse of people who make idiots of themselves while using it." Xander said, "I don't like to try swimming upstream against magic, it's a quick way to drown."

"So why not just say no? Why the uncertainty?" Dick asked again.

"Because Bats can fly," Xander grinned, "That's why, Dick, Bats can fly."

* * *

Batman listened to the conversation, his expression not changing.

Xander had confirmed his earlier hypothesis, so Bruce decided that he would consider that particular case 'solved' unless new information caused him to revisit it. For now he had to wonder if he should put his foot down and keep Batgirl and Nightwing from getting flying suits.

On the one hand, the magical ability to fly would be invaluable both during operations and as an emergency backup. He was concerned about anything that might cause them to rely heavily on something that could be taken away, however. Not to mention something that he couldn't maintain or recreate in the event that they lost contact with Xander.

There were too many potential downsides for him to consider it seriously, but both Dick and Barbara were adults now and at least some decisions were theirs to make.

There was no chance that he would allow Robin to use one anytime soon, however. Tim had a long way to go before his training was complete, and a crutch would just artificially limit him at this point.

As tempting as it was, he wouldn't use one normally either. He already had a jetpack that would give him flight capability on an as needed basis anyway.

He did make note of one part of that conversation for later research, however.

Bat Totem?

He remembered his contact with said avatar, but hadn't thought that it remained with him. Perhaps he needed to speak with Fate again.

* * *

Pamela Isley woke with the dawning light, as was her habit.

She stretched as she walked out of the rooms she'd claimed as hers, walking near nude amongst the plants that filled the outer greenhouse. The light was pouring in through the East of the Biodome glass and she walked into the warming rays, feeling much as she had when drinking her first cup of coffee back during her medical days.

A glint caught her eye and she turned to one of the sections Xander had allowed for her special breeds of plants, walking toward the gold shine that had nothing to do with the morning light.

It was a gold amulet, she saw, mounted on an articulating clasp with a short chain.

It was… beautiful and calming. She didn't know how to describe the feeling it engendered as she reached out for it.

"Careful."

The voice startled, causing her to turn around to see Xander walking up behind her. "What is it?"

"It's yours, but you may want to wait until we're ready to take down the wards," Xander said, "it would probably put your plant side completely to sleep right now, doubling up on the runes like that."

Pamela draw in a sharp breath, understanding the feeling suddenly.

"It's for me?"

"Until we do what should have been done a long time ago," Xander said, nodding, "yes."

She nodded soberly.

"Thank you."

"You never have to thank me, Pam. Just stay on the path."

* * *

When the wards were reset, Xander really would have little reason to remain in the biosphere facility. Not full time, at least. Pam could run the place far better than he, and she'd enjoy it a good deal more as well. Not that he didn't like the place, but hell he was living in the DC universe for god's sake! He wanted to get out and see the sights, do the whole super tourism thing.

Before he was willing to do that, however, he needed a few more tools on his side. Xander had, ironically, always sort of considered himself the Batman to Harry's Superman. Potter was the ultra-powerful wizard with the destiny to follow, Xander was just a guy who couldn't keep from getting involved.

In order to keep up with Harry, Xander had spent a big chunk of his life figuring out how to cheat. Dual wielding wands was just one of his first successes, and he'd since learned how to mimic a lot of Harry's natural abilities through the use of tools, and also held a few tricks back that even Potter couldn't duplicate.

Since arriving in the DC Universe, however, he'd felt about as naked as a man could feel while wearing clothing. No weapons, no tools, none of his practically trademarked array of tricks. Frankly, it was a bloody damned nightmare.

With Wayne Enterprises supplying him with materials and machines, however, that was changing. His flight suit wasn't up to Kryptonian standards of course, but then again what the hell was? He had a small array of wands to tuck into his belt, and maybe he'd even be able to nab a neat yellow bat-belt just for the bragging rights.

More importantly, however, Xander had managed to reconstruct a few of his signature pieces. The Augmented Lenses, the Spell Phone, and now he really only had one more to do. The bubbling goop he was standing over looked like a case for copyright infringement from Marvel, if it showed up in any Batman comics, a sure sign that Venom was about to enter the fray if ever there was one.

It was actually powdered graphite suspended in a solution of three potions of Xander's design, mixed with his own blood. Under the steady flame of the burner it was bubbling nicely as Xander undid his shirt and peeled the fabric off to stand there for a moment, taking a deep breath.

This was going hurt.

He dipped his hands into the mix, fingers extended, and instantly the black goop leapt up his flesh, writhing around his arms.

Xander's scream echoed through his shop and up into the biosphere beyond.

* * *

Pamela Isley wasn't one to shy from screams, but the sound she'd just heard chilled her like nothing had since she'd discovered the Green. She moved hesitantly, making her way down the stairs to where Xander had set up his workshop, a twisting mass of vines following along at her heels.

"Xander?" She called from the door to the shop, "Xander, are you alright?"

She peered into the room, there was a wisp of smoke curling in the air and at first she didn't see him. When she did, Ivy forgot caution and rushed into the room.

He was lying on the ground, groaning in obvious pain. Smoke was rising from his arms, where long black lines of what appeared to be tribal markings were seared into his flesh. She glanced at the bubbling goop on the table beside him and decided that it was a wizard thing, sighing.

"Xander, what am I going to do with you?"

He opened his eyes, grinning at her through clenched teeth, "I have a few suggestions, if you like."

Ivy shook her head, amused by the flirtatious note he struck even while in pain. Normally she was the one making that play, it was practically her signature, though she had little enough interest in men to be honest.

Not much in women, either, though she made an exception for Harley.

What she needed, her plants provided, though that was something she was careful not to give any of the gossip hounds of Gotham and evidence of. Lord knew, there were enough of those rumors running around as it was. They didn't need proof.

Ivy sighed, clicking her fingers idly, and a vine appeared at her left side and wound itself around her arm. She pet it lightly for a moment, then carefully broke open a tendril and harvested some of the gel inside.

"This will treat the burn," She said, kneeling by Xander and starting to apply the gel to his arms.

It actually sizzled as she applied it, but she felt no heat from the burns. She raised an eyebrow, "What did you do to yourself?"

"Carbon Tribals," He hissed out, "let's me fake wandless magic. Not as precise or focused as a wand, but pretty effective just the same."

"You and your toys," She rolled her eyes, "The more I get to know you, the more I understand how it is that the Batman doesn't intimidate you."

Xander snorted, "Don't kid yourself, Pam. The Bat intimidates everyone. I just know his playbook better than you do, and that means I can walk the lines he won't cross."

"Yet you seem determined to emulate him," Pamela said, finishing applying the gel to his burns. "For all your protests, Xander, you seem to be gearing up as a regular super hero."

"Nothing regular about me, love," Xander told her with a wink and a cheeky grin, sitting up painfully, before glowering at his arms. "Oh crap."

"What?"

"I shouldn't have let you do that," Xander sighed.

"You were hurt," Ivy said, "all I did was treat the burns."

"Yeah, I know, but there's no telling what'll happen when your magic mixes with my potions," He sighed, then shrugged, "Oh well. Probably won't blow my arms off. Probably."

He stood up, his arms still searing, but the pain was now controllable at least. Xander carefully flexed his muscles, eyeing the way the Tribals moved with the twist of his flesh as he looked for any breaks in the design that would hinder the transmission of magic. There were none, not that he expected any. He'd learned a lot since the first time he tried this trick, after all, and come a long way.

Pamela stepped back, watching Xander's motions and had to admit to herself that he looked pretty good for a guy. He was solidly built, not ripped or bulging, but certainly with no excess mass to speak of. For a man, he wasn't half bad.

"Well," Xander said, extending his hand toward a work table, two fingers extended together as he pointed at a wrench. "Levio."

The wrench shuddered for an instant, then slowly lifted off the table on command, dancing in the air as he played his fingers around.

"Charms work," Xander smiled, satisfied, before snapping his hand out at the wall.

A burst of red light erupted from his fingers, lanced across the room, and slammed into the wall with a gong sound. Pam just managed not to jump from the sudden actions.

"Curses work." Xander said, "So far so good."

He now brought both hands up, fingers outstretched as eldritch light began to weave between them. A lump of material formed in the air in front of him, then twisted and shaped itself into a single edged short sword with vaguely oriental styling. Xander reached out and grabbed the pommel, idly testing the weapon's weight and balance with a few swings.

"A sword?" Pamela asked mildly, "Really?"

"Magical construct," Xander supplied, "decent against most creatures that can't be harmed by mortal weapons, werewolves and the whatnot."

"Why not just use spells?" She asked, now a little curious.

"A few reasons," He answered, "Some are protected against energy attacks, and sometimes you need something for close fighting that doesn't make too much concentration to keep casting. Swords are useful. Anyway, conjuration and transfiguration check out. Looks like I'm good."

"That would depend highly on your definition of good," Pamela told him dryly.

Xander just laughed and tossed the sword off to the side, letting it evaporate into the air before it hit the wall. He grabbed his shirt and pulled it back on, disappointing Pamela slightly if she were to admit such a thing… which she would not. Ever. Then he casually slung his flight jacket over his shoulder and reached for his glasses.

"Where are you going?"

"Feel like giving the system a good test," Xander said, "I think a long flight."

"Oh?"

"I'll be back in a few days," He said, "Before we have to drop the wards. You good?"

Pamela shrugged, "I have my plants."

Xander eyed her for a moment, then nodded slowly, "Yeah. I'll see if the Bat pack can't drop by once in a while to say hi."

"I do NOT require babysitting," Pamela hissed.

"Pam, you talk to your plants."

"They talk back!"

Xander raised an eyebrow, looking back at her with such an expression that she paused and reconsidered her words.

"Fine, when you put it that way I suppose it does sound crazy, but it's not and you know it!" She pouted, arms folded on her chest.

"If you say so, Pam." Xander winked, pulling his jacket on as he walked outside.

Pamela stopped at the wardline, glowering balefully at him as he tightened the straps, looked up, and shot into the sky.

"Talking to him is like fighting the bat. Doesn't matter what you do, you're going to lose." She mumbled before turning away.

* * *

Gotham was an amazing city, with architecture and design that felt as if the Addams Clan had a hand in its design, and for all that Xander knew they might have. Certainly Arkham seemed like their kind of summer home.

All the blimps were a bit confusing for him, at first, until he realized that Wayne Enterprises subsidized them for the GCPD.

Batman's proclivity for swinging off things suddenly brought their true purpose into perfect clarity in Xander's eyes.

'I bet Spiderman wishes he could fund something like this,' He thought, amused as he turned south and accelerated out of the city. He picked a spot off in the distance and vanished in a crack of apparition as he performed a visual teleport.

* * *

Batman noted the distinctive sound profile that showed up on his system, and reached over to run the recording back.

'Harris just teleported from eight hundred feet over the city,' He noted, puzzled.

He knew from discussions with Harris and his own research that his particular mode of teleportation required either previous experience or visual identification of the target location. Since Harris had deliberately flown up so high over the city, he had to assume that the wizard had needed a long line of sight before he ported out.

'So where are you heading?' Bruce wondered, accessing a Wayne tech satellite that had been over Gotham at the time.

It took only a moment to identify Harris in flight, and not much longer to identify the last vector he was traveling at. When the numbers showed up, Bruce leaned back in his seat and glowered at the screen for a long moment.

'Should I warn him?' Bruce wondered, looking at the likely destination.

After a moment's consideration, he reached forward and shut off the screen.

"He's a big boy scout, I'm sure he can handle whatever Harris is visiting for."

* * *

If Gotham was fascinating for its multitude of places someone could latch a line and swing from, Metropolis was built for flyers.

Xander came in low, under one of the elevated highways, and darted between two buildings before dropping further down to street level and landing easily in a crowded square. Few of the people bothered to look at him more than twice, and those were mostly just checking that he wasn't superman as far as he could tell.

He had to admit, he was enjoying the hell out of living in a world with no statute of secrecy and an abundance of superhumans to distract from his use of magic. In Gotham he got the occasional cautious looks, even after his face had been plastered all over the news, because in that city having powers was tantamount to being a super villain.

Here in Metropolis, however, it seemed that he'd have to actively start destroying things before anyone bothered paying him much attention. That was just fine with him.

He looked up at the highest building in the city, LexCorp Towers, and wondered how long it would be before he'd wind up face to face with Loserman himself. It was inevitable, much like his meeting with the Joke.

'Creepy clown.'

Helping Wayne Enterprises secure a larger portion of the market that they were competing with LexCorp in meant that sooner or later he'd come to Loser's attention. Unfortunately, the Joker protocol was going to apply there as well. Popping a cutting curse across Lex's throat would likely only kill a clone or something, and when the real deal unveiled his next master plan it would likely start with the equivalent of a nuclear strike on his 'killer'.

No, Xander was sadly going to have to leave Lex alone aside from some taunting and maybe a prank or two. He was Superman's foe, and there was too much magic at work for him to walk around sticking his nose into the matter.

So he turned away from the eyesore that was LexCorp Towers and refocused on what he'd come here to see.

The Daily Planet.

The building stood out among its peers, older and more stately than the rest of the city. Xander figured that was because it was one of the twenty to thirty percent of Metropolis that wasn't in some way touched by Luthors drive to modernize.

Xander wouldn't go so far as to call walking up the stone steps to the front door a religious experience, but at the same time he wouldn't deny it if someone else wanted to go there.

Once inside he made his way to the front desk and, getting the information he needed, immediately signed up for the tour.

* * *

Lois was walking across the floor when she spotted the tour group and wordlessly turned on her heel and walked back the other direction. She had no interest whatsoever in dealing with the public unless they had a story for her to write.

Once she was safe from the pests, Lois spared a glance back as she noticed Clark bumbling his way across the floor without bothering to look up. He was walking right into them.

Poor bastard.

* * *

"Mr. Kent! I have the proofs you asked for."

"Thanks Jimmy."

Xander almost missed him, which frankly shocked the hell out of him when he had a second to consider it.

Even slouching, the way he was, Clark Kent was over six feet tall and built like a brick wall. How he'd gotten within fifteen feet of Xander's position, while Xander was actively looking for him, well that was just creepy. The Batman could do better, but still…

In fact, even having seen him Xander had to do a double take when the name was spoken, and look again to be sure it was really him.

Clark Kent in the flesh.

'Don't act like a fanboy, don't act like a fanboy...' Xander repeated over and over as he gripped a copy of the Daily Planet, "Mr. Kent? Clark Kent?"

The big guy glanced in his direction, smiling inoffensively and managing to look both interested and confused.

"Uh, yes that's right? May I help you?"

"I love your work, Mr. Kent," Xander told him honestly, "I was hoping to get your autograph?"

Clark actually stared for a moment, genuinely set back by the request. He got a lot of similar requests, of course, but usually only when he was in costume. He looked at the young man, then down at the paper he was holding out.

The story on the front page was one of the few Superman stories with his byline, mostly he let Lois have those. She had an amusing sense of ownership when it came to the man of steel that both flattered and, if he were to be strictly honest, made him jealous of himself. This story had come up while she was busy, however, so he got to write his own version of events.

It had some great photos, thanks to Jimmy, and was one of the better received articles the Planet had put out recently. There was even quiet talk of a Pulitzer, which made Lois swear up and down that she was going to knife Perry if he put her on any more stories that took her out of the city.

Being asked to autograph something as Clark Kent was an interesting experience.

"Sure, uh… uh?" Clark stammered a little as he fished his pen from his pocket.

"Just make it out to Xander," Xander said, "with an X."

Clark signed the article with a flourish that was a little out of character for his persona, but he let it pass on the idea that writing was something 'Clark Kent' was supposed to be good at. He then handed the paper back to the young man.

"Well, Xander, journalism fan?"

Xander shrugged a little, eyeing the paper like it was the Holy Grail, "Sure, let's go with that."

Clark tilted his head slightly, looking at Xander curiously, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, nothing," Xander shook his head, "Thanks very much, Mr. Kent. I'm a big fan of your work, really."

"Well… uh… that's nice, thank you." Clark said, genuinely puzzled but pleased at the same time. He had been having a bit of a bad day, and oddly it felt a little better for the meeting. "Well, I have to get back to work. Have a good day."

"You too, Mr. Kent."

"I'm going to try," Clark mumbled, waving as he extricated himself from the group and headed for his desk.

"Looks like you have a Fan, Smallville."

Clark had to fake the surprised and clumsy reaction to Lois 'sneaking' up on him, but he was used to that.

"Oh, hey there Lois, how's your day?"

"It'll be better when I get a new scoop," She told him, scowling.

"Mmmmm," Clark hummed as he sat down and tapped on the desk, remembering why he had been having a bad day in the first place.

"What's with you, Smallville?" Lois asked as she walked up behind Clark, noting the sudden change in his demeanor. "You look like your cat died."

"Just expecting company," Clark said.

"A pest, huh?"

"The worst." Clark sighed.

"Tell me about it," Lois sat on the corner of the desk, "last year my mother came to visit for a week… you have no idea how annoying…"

She broke off as a chicken squawked as it fluttered down between the desks and headed for the staff room.

"What that a Chicken?"

"Probably." Clark said glumly, his earlier moment of levity now completely gone.

"Well that's weird," Lois said, taking a bite of a carrot she'd picked up off her desk. "Anyway, as I was say…. Eee haw!"

Clark just sighed as Lois morphed into a donkey and started braying as she wandered away. The whole newsroom was the same, even the poor people in the tour group had changed into animals. Clark briefly hoped that the young man who'd gotten his autograph didn't lose it in the fracas that was to come, it seemed important to him.

A pop heralded the arrival of the cause of this whole mess, and Clark once more mentally reviewed the plan to take care of him again. It wasn't that Mxyzptlk was all that hard to deal with, it's just that this had gotten boring almost a year ago. Every three months, like clockwork.

"Well hello there, meat head!" The funny looking man in the bowler said, floating off to one side of his desk. "This time I've got new rules for you… oh yes, you're not going to beat me so easily this time."

"Really?" Clark doubted that, but he did hope that the new rules wouldn't mess with his plan too badly. Mentally he considered the alternates he'd also worked out, ready to swap in whatever one seemed best.

"Really," Mxyzptlk told him smugly. "This time you have to make me say kltpzyxm three times, which means I can say kltpzyxm all I want as long as I break up the kltpzyxms with something in between."

That was an interesting change. Clark mentally tossed his main plan, picking out one of the alternates as he prepared for a change of uniform.

Before he could change, however, a crackle of power startled him and Mxyzptlk both as they turned to see an Chimp standing on a desk, kicking up a major stink over something, and glowing like a night light.

"Friend of yours?" Clark asked, wondering if this was some new twist to the little man's game.

"Uh uh, I was about to ask you the same thing," Mxyzptlk said, sounding genuinely confused.

That was odd. The little guy was usually totally arrogant right up until he lost.

The glowing chimp shifted and… bulged oddly, as a pop sounded and suddenly it had a human hand. Then the chimp leg was replaced by a human one, toppling it off the desk to the floor as it unbalanced. There were a couple more pops, and Clark used his X-ray vision to see the rest of the changes as the chimp turned back into a man and slowly stood up.

It was the young man who'd asked for his autograph, standing there with purple and red energy leaking from his eyes and hands as he SEETHED and glowered at Mxyzptlk, sheer repugnance almost literally dripping off him.

"You… TRANSFIGURED… me."

Clark looked from the young man to Mxyzptlk, who was staring at the young man with undisguised horror.

"Oh… Crap." Mxyzptlk said, sounding like he'd just seen a ghost.

* * *

Xander literally didn't know the WORDS to describe just how violated he felt, standing there in the midst of the Daily Planet's newsroom. Few people who weren't Wizards could, actually, even begin to understand just how filthy it made him feel to have a foreign magic forced into his body, rearranging things to suit someone else's will. Hell, without his Occlumency talents he wouldn't have even been able to understand it, such was the double edged sword of certain mind magics.

The Imp, Spit Lick if he remembered correctly, was standing over beside Clark, whose hand was frozen inches from his dark rimmed glasses as both stared at Xander who only then realized he was leaking arcane energy. He reigned it in, taking a deep breath as he stepped out around the desk and started stalking in that direction.

Imps like Mixy were fifth dimensional beings in the DC universe, something Xander honestly wasn't too sure about one way or the other. What he WAS aware of was the fact that they bore a strong resemblance to certain species on Earth, his Earth. Genii, Imps, and various other types that seemed to bear a linked origin.

Xander didn't know much about DC Imps beyond the comics books, but he knew his magical species pretty well.

Normally that would also mean that he'd approach the situation with a great deal of caution, as those types were well known for having a lot of power, few morals any human would recognize, and being a capricious bunch of assholes at the best of times.

However, right then, Xander was mad as hell, Mixed Up was clearly frightened of him, and Xander also had a hole card if his guess was right.

"Hey, look McGurk," The Imp put his hands up placatingly, "I didn't know any of your kind were about on this world anymore, I swear! This is all a big misunderstanding…"

"You *transfigured* me," Xander repeated himself, shuddering at the word and wishing he could take a shower immediately. "Do you have any idea what that feels like? I feel like you shoved me bodily inside an ape… through its asshole!"

Clark blinked, whether at the description or the language Xander didn't know and didn't care. The big guy was completely irrelevant at the moment as far as he was concerned.

"Never mind what your magic tastes like," Xander spat, uselessly trying to clear the taste from his mouth. Unfortunately, since it was entirely a mental issue, that did nothing at all. "Disgusting."

Mixed Nuts looked over at Clark, "Well, it's been fun meat head but I've got to go… kltpzyxm, kltpzyxm, kltp- Hey!"

A blast from Xander's left hand wand interrupted his recitation, "Oh hell no, Imp. You're not going anywhere until we have a chat!"

The Imp ducked behind Clark, "Protect me, Sups!"

"What the?" Clark twisted, totally lost as he tried to keep an eye on the Imp while not losing track of the other person active in the room. "Get out from behind me you little…"

Clark almost broke cover when his desk suddenly slid away, apparently under its own power, as the approaching young man simply waved his right hand as he aimed the stick in his left at the little man in the bowler hat. He put up his hands, trying to calm the situation down.

"Ok everyone, can we just calm down for a moment," He stammered out, trying to play peacekeeper while maintaining his cover as best he could.

"Clark," Xander told him as he approached, "Just let me handle this."

"Who are you?" He stammered out, drawing a smile from the you man.

"Xander, remember?" Was the reply, "Big fan, now step aside a second while I deal with this pest."

"Why do I have the feeling that you're not really a fan of my writing?" Clark asked, subtly shifting his body and straightening up.

"What was your first clue, lunkhead?" Mxyzptlk growled, "Sock him one or something!"

Xander involuntarily took a step back as Clark stopped slouching and generally masking his presence. Any thought he had to making fun of Lois for not recognizing that Clark Kent and Superman were the same dude went right out the window as the man's presence filled the room. It wasn't magical, nothing like that, it's just that there was an absolutely unmistakable difference between Clark and Superman.

Even in a suit, with those glasses still on, Xander couldn't have missed him if he were blind.

"Amazing," He whispered, slowly smiling. "How do you manage to hide so well in your own skin?"

"It takes practice," Clark gave up any attempt at subterfuge, it was pretty clear that he was dealing with someone who knew just who he was.

"I'll bet, would love to talk with you about it, just as soon as I…" Xander paused, shifting his attention to the Imp, who was quietly scribbling his name backwards as fast as he could on Clark's desk with a pen. "Hey!"

The blasting curse lanced out from Xander's Main Gauche wand, obliterating a quarter of the desk and sending the Imp flying backwards. Clark used the moment of surprise to blur from existence and in his place Superman appeared.

"Let's all talk this through like civilized adults," He said, trying to calm the situation down.

Xander shot him a mildly annoyed look, "Has he EVER acted like an adult with you?"

Superman's mouth froze open as he considered that, then finally shook his head, "No, not really."

"He's an Imp," Xander said, "an extra dimensional creature that's the source for Genie myths, as well as a few other odds and sods, including the Fey. If they strike a bargain, they always keep it, but they won't bargain with just anybody. Not that I care right now, I just want to pulverize the little dweeb for TRANSFIGURING ME!"

"Hey, it's not like I knew you were here! There's not supposed to be any of you guys left on this Earth!" The Imp tried to defend himself.

"Oh so that makes transfiguring a bunch of mortals alright then, does it?" Xander asked sarcastically.

"They aren't gonna remember a thing!"

"Erasing someone's memory after you rape them doesn't erase the crime, you little turd."

Now they were touching on a sore spot of Xander's. Honestly, he had a big problem with Obliviations.

"Come on, no harm no foul, right?" Mixy said hopefully.

Xander was trying to get his temper under control, knowing that for the Imp is really wasn't a big deal. Creatures that used magic as naturally as his type tended not to understand why 'lesser mortals' got up in arms over minor breaches of etiquette… minor in their eyes.

"Turn them back. Now." Xander commanded, his right hand wand jumping into his grip as he brought both foci up in an opening stance, "Or I see how you like some conjured iron through your chest."

"No one is putting anything through anyone's chest!" Superman thundered, barely having any grasp on what was going on at all.

"Like that would hurt me anyway," Mxyzptlk boasted, thinking that maybe he wasn't in as much trouble as he'd thought. "You're out of date, Mage. We tossed that weakness eons ago!"

"Always changing the rules," Xander growled, "That's your trademark, isn't it? But you have to follow the rules you set all the same, so I just have to figure out what the new ones are, right?"

"Good luck with that, McGurk, cause I'm sure not gonna tell ya!"

Xander stalked around the desk, causing the little man to back away and again put Superman between them. He paused by the destroyed section and glanced down at the writing there.

"Kltpzyxm, is it?" Xander asked, pronouncing the name with no apparent difficulty.

Mxyzptlk paled, "Uh… no, that's uh…"

"Alright, Mr. Mxyzptlk," Xander said, "So now I know you true name, and I'm a Wizard as you can tell. Still think you hold the upper hand?"

"Uh, well, you see… Kltpzyxm! Kltpzyxm! Kltp-" Mxyzptlk broke off, barely dodging another blasting curse from Xander, "Now cut that out!"

"Change them BACK."

"Let him say his name and he'll leave, it'll all go back to normal." Superman said, still trying to negotiate a peaceful end.

Xander sighed, "It's not that easy. Unless you have an accord, he'll just come back and do it again. He doesn't leave until we reach an accord."

"I'm not dealing with some hopped up monkey magic user so NYAHH!" The Imp blew him a raspberry, then self-transfigured into a rocket and blew out of the news room, through a large window.

"Damn!" Xander sprinted after him, leaping into the air and pouring as much magic as he could into his suit as he took off in pursuit.

Superman stood, in the middle of a nearly destroyed News Room, completely baffled as to the series of events he'd just witnessed.

"This was not how I expected the day to go," He sighed before taking off through the busted window himself and heading after them.

* * *

Xander was actually a lot more worried about the situation than he was letting on. He did NOT want the permanent attention of an Imp, but his initial fury at being transfigured had blinded him momentarily. Now, well he was still mad as hell but he was also thinking. He needed to cut a deal with the little bastard, otherwise his time on this plane might become rather… annoying.

"Silencio!" He called, striking the Imp in the middle of another attempt at calling out his name backwards to escape. The silencing curse shut him up instantly and gained Xander a baleful glare in return, not that he gave a damn.

"This seems excessive," Superman said, drawing up beside him in flight.

"How long has he been bothering you?"

Superman considered it, then sighed, "Over two years now."

"Yeah, I'm not letting him turn his attention on me," Xander said firmly.

"He's TERRIFIED of you," Superman countered, "I doubt he ever wants to lay eyes on you again."

"That's only until he has a plan and has had time to change the rules in his favor," Xander shook his head, twisting in flight to maintain pursuit. "In case you hadn't noticed, they're persistent little bastards. They used to be a bit of a plague on my world."

"Your world?" Superman asked, blinking.

"The Bat never told you about me?" Xander asked, grinning, "My, my, he DOES have a sense of humor."

Superman snapped his fingers, realizing where he'd seen Xander before. "You're the new hero in Gotham, you were on the news!"

"I wouldn't call myself a hero, but yeah, that's me… wait a second," Xander paused, glancing back, "I'll be damned…"

"What?"

"He's skywriting his name, backwards… Sneaky bastard. One sec," Xander grumbled, wands flashing as he cast a barrage of blasting curses that forced the Imp to use evasive maneuvers and screwed up his skywriting. "There, now where were we?"

"You're taking all this rather calmly," Superman noted, "and I haven't forgotten that you knew my identity either."

"Meh, this is a Tuesday for me," Xander said, "You should see what happens when Wednesday gets here."

Superman was about to ask, but the near hysterical giggles convinced him that he really didn't want to know. He sighed, "I don't suppose we could wrap this up?"

"Sure, help me force him down."

"Fine."

Between Xander and the Man of Steel, they managed to pen in the Imp and drive him lower and lower until Superman got the drop on him and hammered him into a nearby rooftop. Xander landed a few feet away, closing the range in a hurry as he holstered his hands and extended his hands with fingers spread wide.

The binding spell hit first, pinning the Imp down, then Xander followed suit with a power word tied to his true name.

"Mxyzptlk Quais Vos!"

It was an antiquated spell, but one that the Addams clan knew well enough because they often had to deal with extra dimensional 'guests'. Few Earth beings, magical or not, still even HAD true names in the strictest sense, but otherworldly types almost always did. With the binding net in place, Xander cancelled the silencing spell and stood over the fallen Imp.

"Alright, alright, McGurk…" Mxyzptlk sighed, slumping down and looking severely depressed. "I give. Standard forfeit?"

Xander winced, mentally cursing idiot Wizards as he understood why the Imp was so furiously fighting up until he had been caught.

"No," He replied tiredly, "I'll accept a Traditional forfeit."

"Really?" Mxyzptlk looked up, brightening.

"Yes, really." Xander shook his head.

"Deal!"

Xander nodded and cancelled the binding, "Return this to normal."

A snap of the Imp's fingers was all it took to accomplish that, "Done. Anything else?"

"Wait," Superman held up a hand, "What's going on?"

"If you can capture an Imp… Fey, Genii, whatever," Xander said, "They are bound to offer a forfeit."

"So why is he so happy about it?"

"Wizards are assholes," Xander answered, shaking his head, "The standard forfeit, since what? A couple thousand years ago?"

"About that, McGurk," Mxyzptlk nodded.

"Anyway, the standard forfeit is lifetime servitude." Xander said, "He wasn't in favor of that."

"Hardly a surprise," Superman said dryly, "So what's the Traditional forfeit?"

"Lifetime servitude." Xander answered dryly.

"What? So what's the difference?"

"The difference is whose lifetime, meathead," Mxyzptlk answered.

"Traditionally any deals end when the victor dies, though it can pass down to heirs if the death is caused by the Imp," Xander said shrugging, "but Wizards got greedy a while back and figured out how to enforce servitude for the lifetime of the Imp. Since they're basically Eternal beings, well… they rightfully object."

"But they don't to serving for your lifetime?" Superman blinked.

"Hey, I got trapped I got to pay the bill," Mxyzptlk shrugged.

"It's something like you agreeing to be someone's servant for a day as part of some charity gig," Xander shrugged. "No big deal, maybe a little embarrassing, but all for a good cause."

Superman shook his head, "I hate Magic."

"I love it myself, but it's all about perspective isn't it?" Xander grinned. "Ok, you can take off, Mix. We'll chat later."

"Right oh, McGurk. Cya soon!" The imp popped away, leaving his bowler hat floating in place for a moment before his head popped back out of it and looked at Xander, "Say can I keep playing with the meat head? I still say I'm the superior being!"

"Go!"

Head and hat both vanished with pop, leaving Xander shaking his head.

"Imps."

"You seem to know a lot about them…" Superman said hesitantly.

"No, just their descendants from my world," Xander answered, "Tragic creatures, the standard forfeit even bound their children and children's children, and so on down the line."

"That's horrifying."

"I know," Xander nodded, "but that's Magic. Amazing and terrible, all at once."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer is in chapter 1.

* * *

Superman took a moment to examine the young man standing across from him on the lip of the ring that circled the Daily Planet's signature planet at the very top of the building. He only knew as much as the news reports had spoken of the young man, a new hero in Gotham that was apparently unaffiliated with the Batman.

That one its own was highly unusual.

Normally Bruce wasn't one to let others operate in his city without close supervision. As far as he knew, the only people who did were the likes of the man's adopted family and a very few closely watched independents like the Huntress. Once in a while Catwoman would play hero for a while, usually working some angle, but for a total unknown to operate in Gotham was very curious indeed.

"Well," He said finally, catching the attention of the young man who had been busy staring out over Metropolis like a tourist… which Clark supposed he was, actually. "I assume you didn't come to Metropolis for Mxyzptlk?"

"An Imp? Not hardly," Xander chuckled softly, "That's a level of trouble I could have done without, even having won his forfeit he'll probably be more of a pain in my ass than he's worth. I've never needed servants before, can't see me needing one now, but I'll find stuff for him to do that'll keep him out of my hair while he's in this dimension. Most of the time I'll try and keep him in the fifth dimension with Gyspy."

"Who?"

"Little guy has a hot gal pal," Xander grinned, "unfortunately he's a little OCD, so when you beat him the first time and didn't demand a forfeit…"

"I didn't know!" Clark blurted.

Xander just shrugged, "I know, and you'd need the spell to trap him… or something else, maybe you could do it with brute strength, I don't know… but anyway, when you didn't demand the forfeit he started obsessing over you."

"Don't I know it," Clark sighed, running his hand through his jet black hair.

"Since he was so focused on you, his Gal pal… who is basically a pinup girl, nineteen forties style," Xander said, "has been getting more and more frustrated with him ever since. So I'll probably give him a kick in the ass and have him spend some time getting his own house in order before I let him spend any time around mine. Should give me a few months, maybe a couple years, of peace."

Clark blinked, "How do you know all that?"

"Damn, the Bat really didn't tell you anything?" Xander cackled, "He let me come up here and drop in on you cold… dude has a sense of humor after all, and it's pretty funny."

"A laugh riot, I'm sure," Clark folded his arms over his chest, glaring mildly.

"Oh, don't be like that," Xander waved off the glare casually, still laughing.

Similar to what he knew about the Bat clan, he knew that Superman wasn't going to move first in any conflict between them at this point, which really made any attempt at intimidation more amusing than anything else. He supposed he should be shaking in his boots, the man of steel could literally plaster him over the brass globe they were standing on, but he knew the man too well through mass media to really consider it a possibility.

"I just came up to do the whole fan thing, tour the city, take some pictures, get some autographs," Xander said, pulling the paper from earlier from under his jacket. "Thanks for this, by the way."

Superman paled slightly, quickly scouting around them for any listening devices, laser mics, lip readers in line of sight, and a multitude of other things he'd long since gotten used to looking for. There was nothing, they were very much alone foe the moment.

"I can't imagine Clark Kent's signature being worth much," He said finally.

Xander laughed, "Are you kidding me? A Clark Kent signed article about Superman, written by Clark Kent himself? Priceless is the word you're looking for."

"What are you going to do with that?"

"Send it home," Xander shrugged, "If I can figure out how. My friends would totally geek over this."

"They know?" Superman hissed, looking around again by reflex.

"Relax, Kal," Xander waved him down again, "And stop scanning everything, I hit us with a privacy charm as soon as the fight was over. No one is getting anything on what we're saying, not even if they have your big yellow 'S' bugged."

"Privacy charm? Magic, of course," Clark sighed.

"What's my name?"

Clark sighed, "Magus."

"Bingo," Xander grinned, "Magic is my chosen vocation, and I'm decently competent at it. Not up to Fate's power level, of course."

"Few are, thank god," Clark said fervently.

Xander chuckled, but didn't disagree. Fate was probably a few orders of magnitude more powerful than Dumbledore or Potter, and linked to multi-dimensional entities of Order at the same time. The fewer individuals like that in the world, the safer things would be. It wasn't that he was afraid of Doc Fate, of course, but Xander was well aware that as you add more people to a group the chance of corruption approached 100%.

"So how many people 'back home'," Superman asked dryly, "know my identity?"

Xander visibly paused, thinking hard on that before answering, then delivered the response as casually as he could.

"I'm not sure, really, six billion maybe?"

Normally Clark would have though the younger man was being sarcastic with him, but he was carefully monitoring his heart rate, pupillary response, and other tell tales the whole time. Either Magus was a master liar, better than Batman by far, or he was telling the god's honest truth.

The sheer level of stupefaction on Kal Els face brought Xander to tears as he bent over, laughing.

"I don't see the humor in this," Kal glowered.

"You're not in my boots," Xander gasped out, still laughing at the most powerful man on the planet, and probably for several dimensions. "Congratulations, Clark, you're famous!"

"You have to be joking?" Clark half asked, half pleaded. "That's everyone!"

"I'm not from around here, Clark," Xander said, straightening up and still laughing as he held out a hand to placate the man of steel. "Let's just say that the Imp isn't the only visitor to this dimension."

Clark lost his scowl instantly, his mind going into overdrive as he considered the implications of that statement.

"Alternate Earth?" He asked, "where my identity was exposed?"

"You're thinking too linearly," Xander shook his head, "Mixy is sort of from up the dimensional spectrum, I'm from way down."

"I don't get it," Superman admitted, unhappy with admitted that.

"I should make you figure it out, like I did the bat," Xander chuckled, "but you don't obsess over puzzles the way he does so it wouldn't be nearly as fun. My world, Superman is a huge comic book hero."

That threw Clark back on his heels, "Really?"

"Yup. Get used to it," Xander said, "It probably won't be the last time something like this happens to you. You were definitely hit by that old Chinese curse, Kal."

Clark sighed, but didn't object or question that statement.

"You keep changing between my names like it's perfectly natural," He said instead.

"They're your names," Xander shrugged, "I could always call you Turkey Noodle, I suppose."

Clark winced, "Only Luthor has ever called me that, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't."

"No problem, Soup." Xander grinned.

Clark knew it was impossible, but he could actually hear the way the young man had mentally spelled that word, and so he sighed but didn't push it any farther. Normally he didn't have to put up with this sort of humor while in uniform, leaving the Flash aside for the moment, but as Clark Kent he'd dealt with it all before.

And that was just from Lois.

A flash from below caught his attention, and he glanced down, "We're attracting attention."

"Hmm?" Xander half turned, his glasses automatically zooming in on the crowd at street level, and he spotted Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen pointing at them, camera flashing away. "Well you are the superstar, Kal."

"Is your magic interfering with pictures?" Clark asked, genuinely curious.

"Nah, though if they're trying to lip-read us it'll come out to a conversation about birds and planes in the sky," Xander smirked.

"Have you met the Flash yet?"

"No?"

"Good. Don't." Superman ordered, "The two of you together is the last thing any of us need."

Xander laughed outright, but before he could respond a flash of light through up alarms in his glasses. Both he and Superman turned to look at where the light was glinting off the Daily Planet globe.

"What the hell is that?" Xander asked, scowling as his glasses couldn't identify it, they kept flashing as though they were almost convinced it was a weapon, then reconsidered.

Superman sighed, looking up and off into the distance.

"Laser microphone."

Xander followed his gaze to the top of the Luthor Corp building set against the distant skyline, "Subtle he isn't, huh?"

Lex was standing out in the open on the balcony, staring at them while his assistant used binoculars and a tripod mounted mic.

"He's not getting anything, right?" Superman asked again.

"Just nonsense about planes and birds," Xander promised, "Want me to drop it?"

"Why?"

"Come on, we have to mess with him."

"It's not like he doesn't know we know he's listening," Superman pointed out.

Xander shrugged, "Never stopped me from messing with someone before."

He flicked his wand, cancelling the spell, "Besides, it's not like there's anything baldy can do to us."

Superman pinched his nose, "Really? That's where you're going to go with this?"

"Why not? Lex Loser is the biggest idiot on the planet," Xander grinned, "The guy couldn't find his ass without checking the top of his head first."

Superman closed his eyes and counted to ten, "You do know he's a billionaire who built most of Metropolis… and why am I defending him?"

"I'm sure I don't know," Xander chuckled, "but think about it. He's a crooked businessman, who had a huge head start from Daddy. The way things work these days, the only way you can lose money with that pedigree is by turning honest. If you wanted to, you could eclipse his income overnight."

"I have a few advantages in that department," Superman retorted, still not honestly certain why he was defending Luthor, but too honest not to point it out.

"Meh, Wayne Enterprises blows his value away, and Bruce Wayne is both honest and actually charitable, instead of the fake charities Luthor invests in," Xander pointed out. "Trust me, he's a loser. He just fools people into thinking he isn't by cheating the system."

Superman shrugged, he certainly wasn't going to argue that last part, and he was thankfully spared from any more baiting of the incredibly unstable billionaire when the laser reflection blinked off and Lex turned and stalked angrily into his office.

"Do you think he heard me?" Xander asked in a stage whisper that Clark half suspected people could hear at ground level.

Superhuman muscle control kept him from groaning out loud, if only barely.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer is in chapter 1. This is the last chapter I have, if anyone has a copy of this story that has more chapters, please contact me, I would like to read them, and post them here.

* * *

Standing beside the Man of Steel was a heady experience, Xander realized once he had time to think about it. He wasn't geeking out at Clark Kent in his secret identity, he was actually standing should to… well, mid chest actually… damn, the guy was tall!

Still, side by side with the man of steel!

Every geeky urge that Wednesday had tortured out of him in the past surged back to life like the proverbial highlander.

Superman, on the other hand, was looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"You know I have to ask," He said, looking down at Xander.

Xander, who stood just a hair over six feet, wasn't really used to looking up quite so much, but he just nodded. "Go ahead."

"How do you know-?" Superman asked seriously.

"Just a sec," Xander interrupted him with a hand as the other produced a wand and started throwing up various wards and privacy charms. "We probably don't want anyone listening in on this conversation."

Clark had limited experience with magic, and almost none at all with the wanded form he was seeing, but recognized the tingle of energy for what it was and nodded.

"Fine."

When Xander was finished he nodded satisfactorily and waved to Superman to continue.

"How do you know who I am?"

"Normally I'd leave hints and clues and just play with you a bit," Xander admitted with a lopsided grin, breaking into a chuckle when Superman crackled his knuckles audibly, "and I certainly wouldn't worry about any threats from you, boy scout…"

Superman scowled, but signed, "I hope I hear a but coming…"

"But," Xander nodded, "Since I already told the Bat clan, I may as well tell you. I'm not that different from the Imp, in a way, just from a different direction through reality."

"Ok, I'm going to need a little more than that," Clark admitted, "but I'm assuming you mean you're a dimensional traveler?"

"Bingo bongo boy scout," Xander grinned, "Just from way down the power line compared to here."

"That doesn't explain how you know who I am," Clark muttered, "and what do you mean, down the power line? You seem to be tossing around enough power…"

"I'm… probably top 1% of 1% from my world," Xander admitted, "There are a few guys more powerful than me, but I'm in the top ranks for normal wizards, and there aren't many wizards to begin with."

"Same thing here," Clark shrugged, "So?"

"So, there should be more here, but they left," Xander said, "plus if my calculations are right, almost everyone here has some magic, even if it's entirely passive."

"Ok, I did not know that."

"No reason you should," Xander shrugged, "like I said, it's mostly passive. It probably plays into how so many people who have 'accidents' wind up with super powers, though."

Superman blinked, he'd honestly never wondered about that. Frankly, the new super villain of the week was just so routine these days that it didn't even faze him much anymore.

He frowned suddenly, "Are you changing the subject?"

Xander chuckled, "No, but we did get off on a tangent. I don't know if you're much into TV and stuff, but my name is Xander Harris. I went to Sunnydale High with Buffy Summers."

Superman frowned, "That sounds… familiar."

"How about this," Xander grinned, "Before that, I attended Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry with my friends, Wednesday Addams and Hermione Granger."

Clark's eyes widened like saucers, "That's impossible."

"Is it? Is it really?"

Honestly, no it probably wasn't, Clark realized in an instant. He just sort of wished it was. Neither he, nor his alter ego, was particularly known for intelligence, but that was a bit of a misdirection. In some senses, Clark knew he was the smartest being on the planet.

Oh, not across the board. In fact, not even in a majority of things. People like Lex Luthor and Bruce Wayne were better businessmen than he would ever be, and there were more creative people, better inventors, and so forth… however, due to his Kryptonian physiology, no one on Earth could think as fast, or as precisely, as he could.

Connecting the dots laid out by the young man in front of him was child's play at that point, but Clark rather wished it weren't.

"We're a TV show in your dimension?" He asked, wincing at the very idea.

"Comics, movies, TV shows, you name it," Xander shrugged apologetically. "You're the top Hero, the only right answer when someone asks what superhero would you want to be."

Clark winced again as his companion laughed at him.

"I did not need to hear that," He sighed.

"Well, don't ask the question if you can't handle the response," Xander told him with a grin that could only be described as 'cheeky'.

Clark sighed, "Do I dare ask what you plan on doing?"

"Me?" Xander gave a fake surprised look, followed by an innocent look that wouldn't have fooled Kara the day she woke up. "What could I possibly plan on doing?"

Clark glowered, instinctively blocking his shoulders out a little wider and flexing as he did. The sound of his suit stretching actually became audible in response, and he punctuated that with a glower that could have stripped paint from steel.

Xander just laughed at him.

"Most people aren't so quick to annoy me," Clark said, annoyed.

"I know you, man. You're not going plaster me across the Daily Planet globe, mate," Xander laughed, "not unless I give you an excuse… and I'm not even that stupid."

Clark didn't have a response to that, he was somewhat chagrined to realize.

"You can relax anyway," Xander said with a wave of his hand, "I'm not looking to blackmail you, or threaten you, or whatever. I'm no super villain, just consider me a Justice League fanboy doing the tourism thing."

Clark winced, "That might be worse."

"Oh come on, I'm not that bad," Xander pouted.

"You started a battle in the Daily Planet's newsroom," Clark said flatly.

"Hey, I did not… start it…" Xander finished petulantly, "Mixy did, and damn well know it."

"I had a plan," Clark said firmly, "You should have left it to me."

Xander signed, "Yeah, yeah, I know. I just lost my temper. Seriously, transfiguring someone else is a real social no-no where I come from."

"I can't say I'm sad to hear that," Clark told him dryly, shaking his head. "Now, seriously, what are your plans?"

"Mostly, just tour around a bit while I look for a way to get home," Xander admitted. "Unfortunately it could have been a one way trip."

"I can ask Doctor Fate…"

"Thanks, but already chatted with him," Xander told him. "Nothing he can do. I've got my friends looking into it from the other side, so maybe I'll get lucky. In the meantime, seriously, I'm just a visitor, no plans on messing with your life, big blue."

"I just wish that meant something," Clark sighed, "In my experience, plans don't count for much."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Xander shrugged, "I'm the one stuck in an alternate dimension, remember?"

Clark considered that briefly, then finally had to concede the point.

"Point taken."

"So," Xander looked around, "We good?"

"No, but we're done I think," Superman sighed.

"Cool." Xander grinned and dropped the wards, "No slips now, we're in public don't you know."

Clark laughed, "Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

"I'll have you know that I have many important secrets I don't want spilled," Xander said cheerfully.

The two casually lifted off the roof, flying out over Metropolis as they continued to chat back and forth.

"This is an amazing city," Xander said, "It's like it was designed for Superman."

Superman laughed, "Don't tell Lex that, but how do you mean?"

"Look at the amazing roadways and buildings, this place is meant to be seen from the air," Xander said, "Flying like this is seeing the city the way it was designed to be seen."

Superman nodded thoughtfully, "You might be right, though I expect that would be because Lex wanted it to look impressive when he was flying around in his personal aircraft more than anything else."

"Probably," Xander conceded as they dropped down below the tops of the buildings and began to navigate through the city proper. "It's still a flyers city."

"Home sweet home," Superman shrugged, then paused. "I have to go."

"A job for superman?" Xander asked, amused.

"Something like that," Superman said, rolling his eyes, as he peeled away, "Stay out of trouble!"

"That's not even possible!" Xander yelled at the retreating superhero, laughing out loud.

Finally he found himself alone in the big city.

"Now what, I wonder?"

The explosion that almost blew him out of the sky served notice that he probably shouldn't be asking rhetorical questions while he was in the DC Universe.


End file.
